sexual abuse.

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Pressured into having sex the first time and some subsequent times. Got into a real situation of self-loathing and feeling dirty and letting down my parents (I'd been brought up in a strict Catholic family). It hasn't occurred to me until recently that the real person I let down was myself but I also try to realise that I didn't have the emotional self-defence methods to get out of the situations.

It seems to me that this kind of thing is not just confined to Aspie women. Vulnerable girls are often pressured into sex well before they are ready. Some end up with unplanned pregnancies and then have to deal with making a very important decision in a very short space of time. We are told "just say no" but the situations are far less clear-cut than that when girls and women feel that the only way for them to be a person of worth is to acquiesce to demands for sex.

I was sexually molested by a male babysitter between the ages of 8-10, and by not dealing with it, I got involved in an abusive marriage with emotional and sexual abuse, when my ex actually took pictures of me once when I was sleeping in the nude after lovemaking. I left him and filed for divorce after the photo incident because that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I do know that if I'd stayed, he could have raped me and physically abused me.

While I was divorcing him, I got help from a therapist who specialized in abuse trauma, and eventually joined a women's support group for adults who were molested as children. Both forms of therapy really helped, and now I'm in a healthy relationship. One other thing that has really empowered me is taking martial arts classes, where I could physically defend myself if necessary.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a Bi-Polar Schizophrenic (diagnosed)for over a year. I ended it recently to the joy of my parents and friends.

It bordered on sexual abuse, but technically I never said no. Someone on here mentioned that women with AS tend to be relatively timid, and maybe thats why when he got angry I always backed down. See, when he was "excited" I had to say yes. If I said no he wouldn't force me, but he'd rant at me and verbally abuse me to the degree that later, no matter how little I wanted to, even when I was repulsed with the idea, I would say yes. I'd feel sick afterwards, hate him, and hate myself. He took my virginity that way. I'm not sure if that counts as sexual abuse. I know it felt that way.

Yeah, a response from a man. Sorry.

Being a survivor of sexual abuse is no joke, especially if it happened when you were very young. If you were really abused (I don't mean just having to say no to a friend or a lover or someone you just didn't want at the time you were asked), you should be looking for a psychiatrist. And if you don't know whether you were abused, but you're getting headaches, stomach aches, periods of time you can't account for, and other things where you've been to a doctor and the doctor has said "there's absolutely nothing wrong with you," you should be looking for a good psychiatrist....'cause it's only going to get worse.

Give me the details of your current life (no, please don't) and I can tell you whether you're a survivor of sexual abuse. And if certain things are happening to you, you should not be chalking it up to being AS, because it happens to a lot of NTs, and it can make life miserable, where it doesn't have to be miserable. No, I'm not an amature, I don't want to hear from or about anyone, but if you have any of the above problems, you should be seeing someone professions.

I was sexually abused by a step-family member when I was about 11. Fortunately I didn't get caught up in a cycle of abuse and have a healthy relationship now.

Also, when I was 5, I saw a man watching me in the park and masturbating. I didn't know what he was doing so I pretended like it wasn't happening. I'm so glad he didn't approach me.

(I don't mean just having to say no to a friend or a lover or someone you just didn't want at the time you were asked),

You're kidding, right? Sexual abuse is not only when you get penetrated or touched...I am not talking from an "amateur" point of view, I was raped, bloodied when I was 5 1/2...and later...

I didn't know what you meant by lots of salt, but it made me think that as soon as I can, I will take a long long trip to the Ocean...there is lots of salt there. I heard that getting really close to dolphins can CURE Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome related to sexual abuse, one famous actress (Marishka ?)is running a charity that helps victims of sexual abuse swim with dolphins...I take that any day instead of seeing a therapist. I rather talk with a dolphin about those kind of issues.

By my grandfather from ages 5 to 8 as far as I can recall. Then we moved when I was 9 and a 16 year old neighborhood kid trapped me in a tent. I was the quiet, odd one who never said anything, so I am sure this made me a great target. I'm also not so amazing with social skills, cues, etc. so I wonder if somehow that contributed. And of course, since I was always told how weird I was, I just assumed this was one more thing that was somehow part of all that was fundamentally wrong with me, and that it was surely my fault...so I never said I word to anyone until I was well into my twenties, ten years gone from home and living in another state altogether.

hello

i really do not want to go into details on an open forum but i was abused from a very early age until i was 26 by one set of people , i also got myself into a relationship with a very abusive women when i was 16, finally when i was 26 i decided that no one can take anything from me any more,no matter what the pressure, i have had some times when i have felt that i could not say no and times when i very clearly did, there seems to be a lot of information about abuse on women by men but as a lesbian my relationships have been with women and i have had a very bad time with some of them, thankfully now i have an amazing wife who loves me for me and never puts any pressure on me for anything, i am seeing a psychologist and thankfully my gp is very understanding and knowledgable, i have found so many problems getting diagnosed because apart from my gp any doctors cannot agree whether i have aspergers which cause my sociaphobia etc or whether it was my upbringing, as i have no contact with any of my family i have no one to give some view on my childhood, but when i was born the doctor told my mother that i would be a "cabbage" and to put me into an institution, because of this my medical records seem to help my case for having aspergers, has anyone else had problems with pdocs not knowing wether it is autism or abuse that is causing your problems?

Yes, it was back and forth that myself and my daughter (I also found out myself and thru blood tests that she is gluten, egg and lactose allergic, but not full blown celiac) have either autism or we were acting different because we were in very abusive situation(I was in a lifetime of abuse, starting with rape at 51/2, continuing with abuse caused by alcohol abuse by my mother and ending with very abusive marriage, DV charges against my ex, child neglect charges against my ex, etc.). I kept explaining everybody that doubted that we were not seeking help for dealing with the abuse that we actually were. At times, me and my daughter go to see two conselors/psychiatrist/therapist two times a week. Now we are seing two very nice ladies (therapist and counselor) that do not have a doubt anymore of what's going on. We have been treated and diagnosed by a very good doctor, that specialises in children, as well as adults. I have been dealing with abuse all my life and I do not think that I am a hero for that, nor I call myself a victim, but FOR SURE my daughter and I are SURVIVORS and we enjoy every single minute of it . My dealing with the people that caused suffering in my life was forgivness, true forgivness that came from my heart (it can take decades but it is worth it, because the abuser benefits of it, too and that's the compassionate way to be). I see that abuse gave me more compassion for other people and I always look behind the facade, to see what the real story is AND I don't take absolutely anything as a personal offense. (Well, some people are just plain nuts, you can look and look into them and you can't find nothing...that's a reality also. I still can't figure out a very few people and I am inclined to believe that some people just lost their soul...). I have been thru all kinds of times, being abused and having to physically defend myself and even take a fall for my ex- when he beat me so he will not become a felon. (three DV's and the domestic violence charge turns into a felony...). I think that what makes me different from NT's is a "block" that I have when I get treated bad, I try to look really hard into what makes that person "take out their problems onto me", because that's what it is. An NT would just say f**k it and run for their life...and I agree it is the best way of dealing with abuse, but what do you do when your own mother beats you up daily when you are 10 years old and nobody knows about it? Or you have a child with a drug addict and that man is the only father you have for that child? It is very simple to say screw it!, but I couldn't, I had to go thru every phase, neglecting living my life, but making sure I did not skip any chances that the father had AND the child had to having the only father she was born to. He is human and he is deeply deranged... The Court intervened before, but I made sure I MADE THEM INVOLVED when he put my daughter's phisical life in danger and it is now on the last hundred yards, or however the expression says. I derailed from the subject...again...just like a chatty woman. 8O Sorry.

Anyway, the answer to the question about abuse OR autism...YES, I had to hear that and I am still hearing it occasionally (and OF COURSE, IT IS FROM THE SCHOOL DISTRICT, it is so much simpler for them to throw the dead cat into the neighbor's yard, that's another discussion that needs a forum of it's own, school districts and hwat they put AS students thru so they can avoid special help and accomodations :P you know it is about money...those dirty hard to come by money). It is very simplistic and I know that I addressed the abuse issues very deep and I forgave (and my daughter is OK, too, at her level , which might be even better than my forgivness) and that's what I am left with, the thing that I was born into (both parents are/were brilliant but autistic, if you read my blog) and with. And I kind of like it or I make the best of it. I do not want to be a shopping Barbie that talks loud like many NT women I know that scratch my brain with their shrieks. If autism made me a neurotic nerd, I took advantage and pleasure in it, I read as much as I could, I meditated, I prayed, I enjoyed my gifts and thank G-d, I have a beautiful and very excentric daughter that I know how to deal with and she knows how to deal with me. It is very quiet in our place at times, but we like it. I know that I might not be the friendliest co-worker, that talks about crap in the conference room, instead of taking care of the poor sick patients (talking about who I screwed last night or what stupid purse I bought etc.) at work and in life it makes me sick, literally, to talk about crap, when I can actually help someone in need in that wasted time. I love connecting with sick people and helping as much as I can. I strayed from the topic again. I know I am talking selfishly only about myself, it is something I am aware of, but I am not controlling yet. :roll:

OH, I am forgetting the biggest crap of all, when I am told that I am acting autistic because I LEARNED the behaviour from both my parents...what a bunch of huha!! ! I am freaking 37 years old and away from home for more than 16 years...I know better than that I LEARNED my behaviour and I am at peace and I know that I have to work on social skills!! ! And I also know that I broke the cycle of abuse, I am a very gentle mother and woman, so I did not learn the abuse from my poor Mom or my ex, I actually ENDED the abuse for myself and my daughter. I was given credit for that from the same people that are trying to say that I learned my behaviour, so isn't that kind of cancelling what they say about the "learned" behaviour? I think so!! ! :D

Everybody knows deep down what they are and hwat they have...just listen to your inner voice and try to be a good person, I really believe in Karma. It is a law of the universe, beyond of what we "see". Good luck!! !

Maddie, you are by no means a "cabbage". You are actually a well spoken woman, that took charge of her life!! ! I am so glad that you have a good partner, you call her wife, so she must be worthy of this name!! ! Good luck!! !