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Attracting men your age

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25 Feb 2018, 3:50 pm

I attract men 8-20 years older than I am but fortunately I am also attracted only to men 8-20 years older than I am. I had boyfriend my age once (we were both 20 then) but it was because he somehow "fooled" my senses since he wore clothes typical for older men and his hair were already turning grey.



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25 Feb 2018, 4:48 pm

I guess I'm officially at that creepy age now, FeelsBadMan.


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Phemto
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05 Apr 2018, 6:28 am

I’m seeing a lot of stereotypes about “creepy old guys” and not a lot of actual suggestions in answer to OP’s question.

First as a “creepy old guy,” some of us are attracted to some younger women. Let’s not call us creepy just because of our sexual preference. You’re allowed to like what you like, and we’re allowed to like what we like. There doesn’t have to be any power dynamics or ill intent involved.

Now to actually try to be helpful to OP: You could research meetup groups in your area that are frequented my men your age. Also keep in mind that this is the 21st century. If you see a cute guy, you are entirely within your rights to approach him. One might almost argue that it’s a responsibility to assume some the risk of rejection. Lastly, there is always online. I know it’s a lot of work. Oh boy do I know. But it’s an effective way of meeting people with similar interests and expectations.



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05 Apr 2018, 7:40 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
Chronos wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
I have never been able to attract men in my age group. It seems that I can only attract creepy guys over 40. I wish I could attract guys my own age (mid to late twenties). Do any of you find it difficult to attract guys in your age group?


I've never really attracted men my age either. As with you, most of the few men that have expressed interest in me are significantly older and married.

It may be because I'm not particularly feminine and dress fairly plainly but am perhaps not absolutely horrendous looking either, so I am less appealing to men my age who have their eyes on higher maintainence feminine fashionistas but look like an easy catch for older men who think they can get a younger, low drama mistress.....no, not with me.

I consider cheating on one's spouse a horrible transgression.


I find that these older men want someone they can take advantage of. The more vulnerable, the better.


I agree


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05 Apr 2018, 7:50 pm

Phemto wrote:
I’m seeing a lot of stereotypes about “creepy old guys” and not a lot of actual suggestions in answer to OP’s question.

First as a “creepy old guy,” some of us are attracted to some younger women. Let’s not call us creepy just because of our sexual preference. You’re allowed to like what you like, and we’re allowed to like what we like. There doesn’t have to be any power dynamics or ill intent involved.


Yea well when you're a 14 year old in your school uniform getting followed or stared at by men in their 40s with grey hair it makes you pretty uncomfortable through out life. Also, every relationship has some form of power dynamics in my opinion.

My ex gf had similar things happen to her and I think it was because she was vulnerable and had low self esteem. One of these old guys even started stalking her at work.

@ OP consider how you meet these older men. Is it in neutral social spaces or do they come up to you in public and flirt?

I don't mind older men sometimes but to ignore the difference in vitality and advantage in life experiences would not be a smart thing to do.


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kokopelli
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05 Apr 2018, 9:10 pm

I've always felt most attracted to women at the age of 25 or thereabouts. That was true when I was 17 and it's still partially true now that I'm 63. Since I don't expect a woman that age to be interested, I quit bothering to hit on them at about the age of 40.

The biggest age difference between me and a date was more than 20 years. I was 19. She was over 40 and had children my age. It turned out that she was married, but I didn't know that at first.



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06 Apr 2018, 4:59 am

kokopelli wrote:
I've always felt most attracted to women at the age of 25 or thereabouts. That was true when I was 17 and it's still partially true now that I'm 63. Since I don't expect a woman that age to be interested, I quit bothering to hit on them at about the age of 40.

The biggest age difference between me and a date was more than 20 years. I was 19. She was over 40 and had children my age. It turned out that she was married, but I didn't know that at first.


You probably have the healthiest attitude toward age differences that I’ve seen here. I get the sense that much of the “creepy factor” that I see about age has less to do with age and more to do with men who unattractive for any reason, but don’t approach women within they level of the social hierarchy. They don’t “know their place.”

“Creepy” is just a code word for “below me.”



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06 Apr 2018, 5:22 am

Phemto wrote:
I’m seeing a lot of stereotypes about “creepy old guys” and not a lot of actual suggestions in answer to OP’s question.

First as a “creepy old guy,” some of us are attracted to some younger women. Let’s not call us creepy just because of our sexual preference. You’re allowed to like what you like, and we’re allowed to like what we like. There doesn’t have to be any power dynamics or ill intent involved.

Now to actually try to be helpful to OP: You could research meetup groups in your area that are frequented my men your age. Also keep in mind that this is the 21st century. If you see a cute guy, you are entirely within your rights to approach him. One might almost argue that it’s a responsibility to assume some the risk of rejection. Lastly, there is always online. I know it’s a lot of work. Oh boy do I know. But it’s an effective way of meeting people with similar interests and expectations.
While the opening post could be taken different ways the OP did go on to explain what she meant by creepy in her next comments so, sorry you don't qualify as creepy.


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06 Apr 2018, 5:28 am

Chronos wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
I have never been able to attract men in my age group. It seems that I can only attract creepy guys over 40. I wish I could attract guys my own age (mid to late twenties). Do any of you find it difficult to attract guys in your age group?


I've never really attracted men my age either. As with you, most of the few men that have expressed interest in me are significantly older and married.

It may be because I'm not particularly feminine and dress fairly plainly but am perhaps not absolutely horrendous looking either, so I am less appealing to men my age who have their eyes on higher maintainence feminine fashionistas but look like an easy catch for older men who think they can get a younger, low drama mistress.....no, not with me.

I consider cheating on one's spouse a horrible transgression.
This completely and I often know their wives (it's a small town)


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06 Apr 2018, 5:35 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I don't seem to attract men of any age unless they're drunk and even then they're older than me... :roll:
Most men (unless drunk or Aspie) do not approach women without having received some positive signs ie eye contact. I did not realise this until recently so am still struggling with implementing it at a level that comes across as might be interested. It's hard to judge.


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06 Apr 2018, 5:41 am

smudgedhorizon wrote:
I immediately attract all sorts of men when going braless or wearing a short dress/shorts :roll:
Another thing is to go painting/drawing open air. They appear out of nowhere and ask questions :cry:



looool so true. i used to go paint in the marshes and people would come up and stare or think it was an opportunity tp chat me up. like, if i wanted to socialise i would have gone in a bar? can't you see I'm busy?


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06 Apr 2018, 8:02 am

Phemto wrote:
I get the sense that much of the “creepy factor” that I see about age has less to do with age and more to do with men who unattractive for any reason, but don’t approach women within they level of the social hierarchy. They don’t “know their place.”

“Creepy” is just a code word for “below me.”


Maybe for some, but to me the first thing that comes to mind when talking about creepy men is someone who comes too close and doesn't respect my right to personal space... if I tell a guy to not come so close and he ignores it then he's also disgusting instead of being just a creep. I mean one might not be able to move in a full bus or other place like that, but if there is space and he doesn't move despite the fact that I ask for it then he's definitely bad news.



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06 Apr 2018, 8:20 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
Phemto wrote:
I’m seeing a lot of stereotypes about “creepy old guys” and not a lot of actual suggestions in answer to OP’s question.

First as a “creepy old guy,” some of us are attracted to some younger women. Let’s not call us creepy just because of our sexual preference. You’re allowed to like what you like, and we’re allowed to like what we like. There doesn’t have to be any power dynamics or ill intent involved.

Now to actually try to be helpful to OP: You could research meetup groups in your area that are frequented my men your age. Also keep in mind that this is the 21st century. If you see a cute guy, you are entirely within your rights to approach him. One might almost argue that it’s a responsibility to assume some the risk of rejection. Lastly, there is always online. I know it’s a lot of work. Oh boy do I know. But it’s an effective way of meeting people with similar interests and expectations.
While the opening post could be taken different ways the OP did go on to explain what she meant by creepy in her next comments so, sorry you don't qualify as creepy.


Agreed. I didn't mean to call out the OP, but more the piling on instead of trying to help.

Thank you for telling my I don't qualify, but that's debatable. An Aspie guy often has one or two strikes against him already because he doesn't pick up on the cues, mirror the appropriate body language, understand when it is or is not OK to interrupt, to touch, etc. It's why the "creepy" tag doesn't really mean anything. You can have the best intentions and still be "creepy."



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06 Apr 2018, 10:55 am

It's creepy for dudes in their 40's plus to go after the college age set gals.,WTF? Can't cut it with their own age group? Ever consider perhaps Elaine had offline bad experiences with these types?



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06 Apr 2018, 12:43 pm

The creepy old guy thing isn't that hard to understand. The old man who targets young women usually isn't looking for true love, mutual interests, or a meaningful relationship. He's just looking for sex. A young woman fulfills his sexual needs better than an older woman. And when his young woman gets too old, he gets bored of her and searches for a new young woman.



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07 Apr 2018, 3:32 am

HistoryGal wrote:
It's creepy for dudes in their 40's plus to go after the college age set gals.,WTF? Can't cut it with their own age group? Ever consider perhaps Elaine had offline bad experiences with these types?

Phemto wasn't directing his comments at Elaine.