What were you like as a child?

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I was the girl who could outdo boys. Tomboyish, yet ironically have boys for bullies and girls for friends.


Academically speaking, there's no problem. Except I sleep in class at lot. Didn't skipped grades or anything. I didn't took it seriously, and I don't want to be in honors.

Socially speaking, it's a mixed bag. Times I was active but odd, but also passive and shy at times.
I don't start any trouble, and I don't look for it. Been popular, and also been unpopular through the course of my childhood. Sure, a bully magnet because I've been odd and easily provoked, but I didn't my spent hiding - I spent time fighting back and scaring them off. At the same time, kids want me to be in their team for whatever reason.
Never had any crush nor appeal to romance. Fewer actual friends, and still had little clue how to maintain them.
My main special interest is far from weird, to the point that it was a trend at school for certain seasons for every school year.

No speech delay. My accent is odd as ever.
Whenever I talk, it's usually that I dominate them or ask questions. I had been echoaliac and got made fun of me for it. Like teasing me for it would stop...

Behaviorally speaking, it's more troublesome. I'm known to be moody. I've been violent -- did chased kids and hurt people, broke a lot of stuff and lash out in public for whatever reason -- out of emotions or meltdowns, it's what I did. Easily provoked, and still just as odd.
Never tried to mask my differences, diagnosed or not, acceptance or not. Instead, I just got angry at the idea. Perhaps I always had been, even now, despite never get to suffer because of it. Or perhaps because I have a screwed sense of danger and fear, that I'm lucky that I grew up unscathed. I always convey my worst, loudly and never bothered hiding it.
Odd is that while I never felt that I got used to the teasing and bullying, I also didn't end up anxious for the entire childhood because of it -- until I burned out at teen years.
Otherwise, I'm just well behaved and quiet as long as I'm alright with what to do and where to go.

Sensory wise, I didn't knew I was sensitive until I became intolerant at around late childhood. I have good fine and gross motor for as long as I could remember. And high pain tolerance.
But a picky eater -- and still a picky eater.

I didn't need an OT. Good attention span, good sitting and attending skills, no to little sensory intolerance and fewer hyposensitivities, advanced fine motor, etc.


I realized I was different around 8, but I'm not sure when exactly my parents suspected a thing. Definitely not around 6 or earlier as far as I'm concerned.
But had explicitly suspected me around age 10 as told by an observing SPED teacher, diagnosed along the way, yet still surrounded with clueless people, and went extensive at 14 when I burned out and gave up just then.

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Undiagnosed, always been a tomboy with guy friends, always fiddled with stuff (still can remember what the underside of my childhood dining-room table felt like).

Infancy - Walked much later than the other kids, started reading much earlier, speech impediment
Elementary - Oblivious to other kids, read books constantly, daydreamer.
Middle - Realized I was different, all previous public school friends abandoned me, cried a lot, parents started working on eye contact and voice loudness
High - Hung out on the periphery of people I knew from playing sports with, terrible sense of direction

I was always intelligent, so I got good grades and got to be in TAG (get pulled out of regular classes to do more challenging and interesting work), and my most consistent friends were from the homeschool group so they were all weird too and always accepted me. My parents were pretty distracted from me because my sister was born when I was five, she was super fussy as a kid and had GI issues and high anxiety from day 1. My mom always talked to the school and got me into the right classroom at each grade level (teachers who would understand me, for example I got to build lego robots by myself instead of having to go to recess in 5th grade).

I had meltdowns at a young age, to the point where my mom couldn't take me places. I had some sensory issues. I couldn't handle clothing tags. I also had (and have) OCD and anxiety disorder. I was a weird kid, and I purposely acted weird to get attention. I thought that if I acted strangely, other kids would see me and like me. Of course, the plan backfired. I had meltdowns up until I was maybe 11 or even 12 years old. I still have meltdowns occasionally, but I have learned to express my feelings.

I never had trouble with imaginative play. I have a very vivid imagination.

I developed anorexia in my teens, and only recovered from it last year.

When I started school, I didn't know English. I learned quickly and soon was reading at an advanced level. I was socially somewhat behind, however.

I always remember having intense special interests, primarily animals (especially cats) and world cultures. I would say these are still my primary interests.

I was very uncoordinated in sports and my stamina was terrible when I was younger. I'm genuinely surprised that I am taking tennis lessons today.

I didn't get my driver's license until I was 49. I still haven't ventured far beyond my own town by myself. The traffic is getting crazier here, but I am glad to be driving.

I have a pretty active and varied social life now, but I see marriage as an impossible dream. If anyone knows how much life experience I lack, nobody would want me. ("No, not good enough.")

I was diagnosed with Autism when I was fourteen. I had always been a shy girl, I didn't make friends and I didn't like change. I liked to stay at home and going out caused me to have panic attacks, even shopping could be too much for me. I was sensitive to light and loud noises, when the fire bell rang at school that upset me a lot and I got sent home because it was unbearable. Growing up I found that I obsessed over certain things. One was Titanic, I learnt about it at school and I found it so interesting! I studied and learnt about it until I could remember all the facts and details of it, I must have bored and probably still do bore my family to tears about the Titanic. I also found that I could watch movies over and over again, I never got bored of them and would always skip to my favourite parts. This became a daily routine for me and if it got broken I felt really anxious and sad.

A big part of my Autism became worrying, I guess this was to do with my OCD as well. I started getting 'symptoms' stomach aches, chest pains, headaches and tiredness. I became convinced I was ill and dying and I was always glued to my laptop trying to diagnose myself. This is a part of my Autism which I suffer from the worst! I also suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomiting) which has really affected me badly, I avoid children and anywhere where I might get a sick bug. And sadly it also means I've avoided getting involved with someone in case I fell pregnant, the thought of morning sickness terrifies me!

Life with Autism has been hard from the word go. When I was diagnosed I did feel a little relieved, I'd grown up feeling different to all the other girls my age and now I know why. It's not an easy life by any stretch of the imagination but I am a happy and kind person and I take each day as it comes, and try my best to stick to a routine as best I can.

The only other thing I struggle with is the family members who don't really understand my Autism. My grandparents sadly don't understand me. They don't see why I'm different and can't understand why I find things like change so difficult. But I'm hoping that one day they might come around to understanding me and Autism.

I can't really remember much of my childhood so I rely on things others have told me. I learned all the lyrics to Christmas songs when I was about four, five. At the same age I learned all the details and techinal names of agricultural machinery 'cause I read those kind of magazines with my grandfather. I've lined up toy cars in rows, loved Lego, computer games and animals and was good at school. Actually in the top three of my class in elementary school. I was polite but talked too much, I loved to write and draw, I was athletic, won medals in running and gymnastics (partly because my hypermobility, didn't think of it then, I'm way more flexible than average person). I read all Harry Potter's and Lord of the Rings books in elementary school, and I read only fantasy and sci-fi books.

I was a tomboy, but I changed my style alot depending what my favorite musicians looked like, I was a good imitator. I had boy and girl friends and played boyish games. Actually, I've never been girly. I got crying fits and tantrums, fought with my dad a lot. Had aggressive tendencies like throwing stuff (still do.) I became gradually sadder as I realized I'm different, in high school I had a quiet girl mask on all the time, cause I knew my real emotions and the way I naturally am is weird and too childhish/intense/uncool/whatever.

But all on all my childhood was good.

What most people saw was the ODD more than anything. I told many adults that I was going to kill them and how. I was a very angry child.

People noticed my autistic traits, but not as autistic. It was looked over because in early childhood nearly every kid in my neighborhood at the time had something undiagnosed. Mostly autism or ADHD, actually one of my neighbors was nonverbal and my sister had severe ADHD.

Because of this, autistic traits were seen as normal, until we all started moving away. When we were surrounded by more typical kids, my struggles became much more noticeable. People new something was up, but didn't know what, and thanks to my masking, which still couldn't hide all of it, people didn't know to what extent it was affecting me.

My SPD has always been very severe, to the point the during elementary school I was having daily meltdowns. It was really miserable.

Adults viewed me as abnormally intelligent, but unmotivated and withdrawn.

My special interest were very clear, I actually thought of myself as a dinosaur, and researched really heavily into dinosaurs from the time I was three. I would read every book I could find on it, developed the ability to growl very realistically, would hold out my hands and slouch in a typical dinosaur way which even now remains as a nervous habit. That special interest only started to slow down when I was eight, and only stopped in middle school.

Until I was out of elementary school I had trouble telling the difference between my imagination, dreams, and reality.

I also wanted to take over the continent and enslave all adults.
Clearly, I failed.

From the time I entered preschool I was bullied heavily. A few times people even tried to beat me up, but I was a fairly large (And paranoid) little girl, and easily beat them up instead. However, I chose to just put up with nonphysical bulling.

I thought of my bullies as below me, and as idiots.

I didn't understand anyone my age, and am kind of creeped out now, when I think about how two-faced kids can be.

I also had visions once in a while, though I'm sure most people aren't going to believe it, I simply don't care. Even two weeks before my dad died, I said to my mom, "daddy's never coming home" and I was right. As a christian, I strongly believe they came from God.

I was also strangely not concerned with human deaths, animals yes (As a way to make me cry bullies would actually find bugs in the classroom and kill them in front of me to make me cry, once they even collectively stomped a frog to death in front of me. I cannot get rid of the image burned into my mind of children laughing and frog guts being stained across the grass), but humans weren't a big deal. I didn't shed a single tear when my dad died, or any great grandparents, and thought about death heavily in many ways. Never as a terrible thing.

I hated when things were babied down for kids. For instance, I hated the censored cotton candy version of bible stories that I got in Sunday school, and I eventuality l just started going to adult classes instead. My preschool teachers thought I couldn't read, because I thought the material was stupid (It was).

Talking about preschool again, I didn't talk to my teachers at all for several months.

Oh yes, and I had the voice of a grown man.

Well, I can't tell whether you are autistic, but judging by your self-harming, I don't think you had a very "normal" childhood either. Mine was far from normal, but for different reasons. I don't know if you'll relate to any of this, but still, here's my report on my childhood and adolescence:

Some of my symptoms were easy to notice even when I was a preschooler. I was a highly verbal child with a normal intelligence, but my behavior was terrible. I had meltdowns for most transitions (like finishing an activity and going to P.E. or music class). I couldn't wait for my turn to speak and, if the teacher didn't call me when I raised my hand, I would think she was ignoring me on purpose and start crying and screaming about how unfair the world was. I also had a meltdown every time a balloon popped (I still can't stand the sound of popping balloons). My motor skills were slightly below average at this time, and I soon developed a dislike for physical activities. I was diagnosed with PDD NOS at the age of four. I was considered high functioning and went to an inclusive school, but a teaching assistant started working one to one with me then. I also had weekly appointments with a therapist until I was twelve.

In primary school, I became worse. My parents didn't understand my diagnosis and they believed my "behavioral problems" could be solved with discipline. I started having one-hour-long time outs for my meltdowns or for arguing. They decided I no longer required a one to one teaching assistant when I started first grade. I was grounded often. Privileges like dessert were taken for me for a week. Everything I did seemed to warrant my parents' mockery and criticism; even innocent behaviors like rocking were enough for my mother to scold me ("Stop doing that! You look ret*d when you rock!") They thought it would help me to learn how to behave, but it only turned me into a very angry an aggressive child. I started fighting with my classmates and siblings, and I lashed out physically at them, which only got me into more trouble. I was convinced that all the adults (and most children too) hated me. I could have only one girl friend at a time. My motor skills kept lagging behind the ones of my peers, and I became ashamed of my ugly art projects. I had some frustration-triggered meltdowns in art class that caused me to break my art projects because they didn't look good. I also had meltdowns in P.E. The school decided to exempt me from P.E. classes from fourth grade on, because I had meltdowns in nearly every class. My worst time was when I was nine/ten. I tried to strangle a boy at school and I nearly got suspended for it. I threw a hockey stick at a girl from my hockey team, and the girl's mother went to my house to talk to my mother about it: "Have you thought about institutionalizing her?" She asked my mother. Shortly after that I started seeing a psychiatrist, who prescribed a tranquilizer. My behavior improved a bit when I was on meds. My mother interrupted my treatment when I was eleven because she was against medicating children. My aggressive behaviors returned for a while, but my mother stopped them with an ultimatum: "If you don't learn how to behave properly, next year you're going to a special school. You're too old to throw tantrums and hit people now. Normal middle schoolers don't do that." My parents had not told me about my diagnosis, so I believed I was "normal" and that if I didn't behave like everyone else it was because I was "bad".

As a middle schooler I tried to "behave properly", as my mother told me to, because I really dreaded the prospect of going to a special school. I stopped having loud meltdowns: I had silent crying fits instead. I tried to socialize and make friends in my new school, but I was too weird, so it didn't work. I also had problems remembering the other students' names. I was excluded and suffered from severe emotional bullying in seventh grade. That was my last year of being "active but odd". I soon became depressed. I knew there was something wrong about me, but I didn't know what or how to fix it. I started praying for death and crying myself to sleep at night. The following years I became quiet, speaking only when spoken to. My mother talked to the school to move me to a different class, so that I would not be bullied anymore. And it worked: now I was blissfully ignored by my new classmates. I started reading as a hobbie and I developed the first special interest I remember having: the Harry Potter series (I know, it wasn't unusual at all). I read and wrote fanfiction and acted out my favorite scenes. My mother made me join a drama club to help me socialize and make friends. I loved doing drama, but after three years of going I made no friends.

As a high schooler I was still quiet and had no friends at school, but participated more in class. I still struggled with my motor skills, which compromised my grades in art and design classes. I had no sense of direction and got lost easily (I still do). I started using public transport at the age of fifteen, and only to go to my new therapist, whose consulting room was not far from my house. I had only one friend: a girl of my age with ADHD whose parents were friends of mine. I disliked makeup and often forgot to shave, which angered my mother. I loved reading, and literature and history became my favorite subjects. I developed the second special interest I remember: the Holocaust. I spent hours every day reading about it, and if for some reason someone talked about it I was excited, but I never attempted to start a conversation about it myself. I knew it was not a "normal" interest, and I was embarrassed of showing it. I think anyone who knew me as a teen would agree that I was "weird" and a loner, but nobody would say I'm autistic.

Now, as a young adult, I have very mild sensory issues, mainly with loud sounds. I have a new special interest that I've acquired at the age of 21: neurodiversity. I have more stims than I can count, such as rocking when I read (I don't usually do this in public, though). My public stims include opening and closing my legs when seated, touching (and pulling) my hair, and some bad habits such as biting my nails, picking my skin, etc. I don't have any problem with routines, but I prefer having some structure in my daily activities because I'm too disorganized to function without it. As for nonverbal communication, I've learned a lot through reading and experience, but I still can't tell when someone fakes a smile or lies. I can do eye contact, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I prefer looking at people's mouths instead. I have some struggles with "emotional reciprocity" in the sense that I'm usually at a loss as to how to help when someone is crying, for instance, and I can't imagine what the person (even if he or she is a close family member) would like me to say or do for them to feel better. I also tend to spend a long time alone and usually keep to myself, but I don't know if it's because I'm autistic or because I'm shy. I don't have any friends now, and my relationships are either family or acquaintances.

It's complicated. I had two "versions".

Version one (before 7) of me was more typical, quiet and reserved, didn't play with other kids, imagined a lot and was overly emotional and had meltdowns. Uncertain about a lot of things and did not do well in class.

Version two (after 7) of me was active, outgoing, confident, talkative and had lots of friends. I almost never cried in this version. I was also an overachiever in this version and accomplished a lot. #1 in my class and tons of extracurricular activities. It's funny that my parents never noticed that they got a different daughter.

I was not diagnosed, but then people didn't know about autism back then. The adult me settled somewhere between the two versions. I think I still have both of them inside me, because one of my boys is version one and the other version two. They might look like the opposite of each other, but I know they're both just like me.

No obvious speech delay, but difficulties with pronunciation and narrowly missed speech and language therapy. Very, very shy at school and had difficulty making friends. Teachers in those days were not very sympathetic and warned me that I would grow up to be 'a lonely old woman'.

I was always a bit 'clumsy' and my handwriting was and still is very untidy. I tagged along with the boys because I simply did not understand the girls' games.

Had a very vivid imaginary world and lost myself in reading. Reading connected me with my interests. There was no Internet in those days.

Worked hard at school, but could not take any form of teasing and I was aware that I was isolated. Teachers were aware that I had problems socialising and told me to make more of an effort to speak to people. Developed anorexia as a teenager.

Did not play with other kids until I was 7 or 8, didn’t speak until after 2, super bored in school until my mom told them I was bored and not stupid and they gave me more advanced lessons, tons of anxiety and fear (so many things and people were so loud and didn’t make sense), hated being touched and was super picky about textures, didn’t have good coordination, quick to anger with aggressive outbursts. I slowly learned female social rules (didn’t really get good enough at that until my late 20’s to pass as “normal”) and slowly started to make a couple friends who were weird just like me. On the good side I could entertain myself for hours and had a great time lining up my stuffed animals, being lost in my imagination, reading sci fi, and putting on solo productions for my family.

I was very introverted and reserved. A tomboy for the first 7 years, with sensory issues relating to certain clothing (around my neck), dirt under my nails, light touch, bright lights, sudden loud sounds and having long hair (I had to have it cut short like a boy's or I would go berserk). I had very piercing intense eyes and was obsessed with my cat. I loved kindergarten and learned to read very quickly but I didn't understand the other girls, I thought they were so mean! I had one friend who was a girl and another 'boyfriend' who I played trains with, which I enjoyed. I mainly hung out with the teacher though. As an older child I developed an intense interest in Shakespeare and other poets from that time and memorised complete works of theirs. I remember memorising something like 10 pages of 'Anthony and Cleopatra' and reciting it to my father who was really spun out, when I was ten years old. I have a ten year old now so I now realise how unusual it is to do this. I was very good at maths, my best subject but I preferred humanities and english. I was a good student but very shy and had terrible social skills. I actually preferred to be alone most of the time and had one or two (at the most) close female friends. I would stare at lights to see aura and often experienced mirror synaesthesia. I had pretty bad motor skills and would sometimes spin in a circle a few times for no reason which everyone thought was really weird/funny. I had intense anger outbursts until about 6 years old that started up again due to PTSD when I was 13 or 14. All in all my childhood was pretty good though, despite not being very popular and having a really tumultuous home life. I think my ASD tendencies actually helped me to remain logical and removed from most of it and I had my reading and interests so was fairly happy most of the time.

Your post is too long. Now, I have a headache. Sometimes I wish that a lot of people that come to this site would stop over analyzing themselves and just live life. If other people see you as different, so be it. You can also see them as different too.

As a child I was quiet and just enjoyed my childhood. School was hard but I got through it in the end. I liked being a child, sometimes I wish I could go back to being a little girl again. Back then life seemed a lot easier and time appeared to go slower. I don't know where the last five years have gone...! It seems faster now.