Females with Stereotypical "Male" Autism Presentation

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I never really fit the stereotypical female autism presentation from my childhood to early twenties. As a child I was stubborn and had frequent meltdowns at home. In middle school I read books and studied during recess, I had no real friends until high school. I could tell someone more about what specs to look for when buying a new VCR than how to pick out a flattering outfit.

It wasn’t until my mid-late twenties I started to mimic the female stereotype. I started to wear fashionable clothes and makeup and style my hair. I leaned how to speak more professionally and clearly by following others. It was all really fake at first and I received a lot criticism but I kept at it. Eventually I was able to speak professionally and clearly as well as get compliments on my clothing.

I was diagnosed with autism when I realized something wasn’t right with my social skills despite all my efforts. I still couldn’t fit in and realized I’m a very logical thinker, I fail at forming emotional connections with people, and I had intense interests in video games, technology, classical literature etc... I was always very blunt and could easily get lost in my work for hours without breaks. I found it easier to teach myself calculus than how to make friends or find love.

I honestly had a very difficult time relating to the female autism stereotype as a woman with intense technology interest and education in software development (i didn’t clue in that computer science and technology is a stereotypical male interest until my late 20s). Sure I did mask, somewhat successfully, but I can’t relate to anything else at all in the stereotype. For the longest time I thought I was alone in this and specialists recommended blogs by autistic men for me to relate to. They were great, but I realized how wrong it is to think in these gender stereotypes and i found more resources on my my own I could relate to - such as this forum where I don’t feel so alone anymore.

Me too. I got my degree in physics, tutored math, studied computer science. Never had special interests involving non-human animals, celebrities, dolls, girl's club books, or anything else concerning living things or social relationships. Never was interested in anything stereotypically feminine. Rarely had any female friends, and, when I did, I didn't mimic them at all.

Fortunately, from the first time I heard of the "female autism phenotype," I knew it wasn't something to pay much attention to, so I wasn't concerned that I couldn't relate to it. To me it's rather obvious that it's about a certain personality type rather some sub-type of autism.

I agree, it's for the best to not read into it too into the "female autism phenotype". I hate how some specialists tried to fit me into this stereotype, its not helpful and I feel like I'm emotionally manipulated to say I do relate to it more than I actually did just to make their jobs easier.

I relate to a lot to what you wrote. I rarely had female friends as a child and when I did I didn't go out of way to mimic them. I'm not good at social skills, but mimicking just didn't seem like an appealing option to me. My friendships didn't last long, but I didn't see the point in having to change just to make them happy.

I also wasn't into a lot of stereotypical girl things either. I had dolls and stuff, but I didn't really play with them. I really hated a lot of girl's club books too. I think I was the only girl in 4th grade who hated Babysitter's Club lol I knew nothing about celebrities until I started reading magazines in my late teens so I could start some kind of interesting conversation with other people my own age when I had to.

While I was diagnosed this year exactly because the female autistic phenotype - otherwise I would have died without knowing what's so odd with me - I agree with you, the term is very misleading. Some articles mention that previously the ratio of high functioning autistic men and women was irrationally big compared to low functioning autistic people, so there were women who fit the original autistic profile, but...
So yes, I understand your frustration, I would feel excluded, too. Actually I feel excluded, because the media makes a hype, but for me it seems so fake. I'm autistic because of a new way of diagnosis, but I don't fit the original.

I was wondering what could be a better name. Honestly I call it "new wave female profile for those who don't fit the original criteria" , but it's way too long.

I don't feel that way because I don't take this personally.


I'm not sure it actually needs a name; it seems like the problem is clinicians rather than some new or previously unknown kind of autistic person. Maybe doctors just need to be trained better, to adhere to the actual diagnostic criteria rather than to autism stereotypes.

For example, someone who has restricted and repetitive behaviors with dolls fits diagnostic criteria just as well as someone who has restricted and repetitive behavior with other objects. The fact that playing with dolls is considered "normal" is irrelevant; it's the kind of play that is important. If doctors, educators, whoever works with kids are overlooking that, they aren't doing their jobs, and that can affect diagnosis of males as well as females.

For the doll example it works, it can be labelled as repetitive or intensive play with any object. But other new traits are the exact opposite of what it was believed autistic before like empathy. It was believed autistic people are less empathetic, less emotional. The new additional criteria includes the other extreme: too empathetic, too emotional.

The way how I see it the traits are always on the extremes, not only on one end, but both.

Empathy is not part of the diagnostic criteria, though. Nobody should be evaluating anyone on the basis of having or lacking empathy; otherwise that would be another example of doctors not doing their jobs properly.

And an autism subtype based on stereotypes rather than actual definitive autistic traits seems like it would encourage people to view autism in terms of stereotypes. The whole empathy issue should be dropped and ignored.