Where do I belong and who's gonna want me?

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I don't know you or your ex-wife - but I expect that the 'reveal' is what stimied her. She thought she knew you and you later revealed yourself as other than your initial (and years long, I think?) representation of the 'you' she thought she knew.

As for hope of future relationships:

Be open about who you are right from the start. Then no-one can accuse you of misreprentation, or have having had an 'unpleasant surprise'.

You may have the quandry of "When do I tell them about the 'real' me?" All I can say is: the instant you are interested in more than a passing acquaintance.

Being up front about your true self from the start may leave you open to the 'urgh!' reaction - but at least that happens before there is a great deal of emotional investment on either part. You have to give the choice to potential partners before it becomes a massive deal.

As to whether there could be someone out there for you: of course! There are as many permutations of 'coupledom' as there are couples. I broadly consider myself to be straight - but I prefer to say 'hetero-flexible'. I'm more interested in a person than the specifics of their private parts or any kink they may have. Most of my relationships have been with men, because I am generally more attracted to men but I have had relationships with women. The person is more important than the gender.

Without going into detail my own husband has 'kinks' that I hadn't really considered as part of a relationship I may be in before I met him - but I love him and what makes him happy makes me happy. I also have kinks - which don't necessarily match his - but he does his best to accomodate.

I'm not meaning to compare your gender issues to our kinks in magnitude, more so that we were both pretty up front from the start and were able to make informed decisions as to whether we would/could make a relationship work.

If you've a kink/gender issue/anything like that, of course the pool of open-minded potential partners is more restricted - but if you want someone who will be understanding and considerate you have to be prepared to be the same - by being open and honest about who your are from the start.

Not sure if this has been of any help - but hey, I'm just saying what worked for us. I never thought I would find a life partner (what with being kinky *and* AS) but i was honest and so was he - and here we are.

Am not picking on her quote, just using it as starting point to clarify what I wanted to say (with my earlier post). Again, I apply this to anyone seeking anyone else, not just with your (wsmac's) particular details. It's more likely that there are people one would be compatible with, but less likely one can connect with (locate & identify) those persons. Aargh-the words aren't sounding how I mean them !

Okay, I'll use self as example. I am unusual & have felt like no one would want to be with me (or that only extreme people who I'd dislike would be interested). My perception is/was that odds were very low for a mutually pleasing relationship, though on some level I guess I have positive aspects. Yet, somehow I've been lucky & found someone (or someone found me)-and my more challenging traits are part of the package that is me, but aren't necessarily what drew my companion to me. My ex introduced us-if it hadn't been for that, my current & I would never have met (and therefore never gotten together).

Statistically, there are more people in moderate range between extremes-but it's difficult to communicate moderation. It's simple to say "looking for super-bizarre person", or to present oneself as a super-bizarre person (I'm NOT saying you are a super-bizarre person-any more than I am, just picking something less offensive than "freak" which I think is word you used). It's harder to search for (or express oneself as) a "somewhat-bizarre-but-in-many-ways-rather-unremarkable-person"-because that's more complicated, involves more qualifiers & disclaimers. One has to weed out both the easy-to-offend "traditional" people as well as the impossible-to-offend "too radical even for me" people, in order to discern pool of potential partners.

In other words, I see 2 questions: 1. Will someone be attracted to & interested in you ? That seems likely, moreso than you might assume. 2. Will you be able to find (or be found by) that person or persons ? That seems more daunting a prospect. If you are (or the sort of person who would be compatible with you is) a grocery item-regardless of how esoteric you may be, the store does carry this item, but there's no order to how the items on shelf are sorted, so one has to go pawing through everything to find that one item. It's there-it's just hard to find.

Wish I could better convey concept of what I'm getting at. Say you've got no arms: there are folks who will be specifically "into" that, folks who will not be at all "into" that, and folks who will be "in-between" about it (meaning it's not the reason they're with you, but it's not one of those "I love him in spite of this" things, either)-last group is what I think you're seeking. It's easier to elicit replies from those who are either "for" or "against" something or someone than to get response from those who "could take it or leave it", ambivalent, or not intensely "pro" or "con" on the matter.

Postperson, Notlurkingwell, and Belfast...


Thank you all for your comments.

I believe I understand what everyone is saying... no trouble there.
I take no offense to the wording or what I interpret as their meaning, either.

In regards to a future relationship for me, I will never hold information back. To date, I have told quite a few folks around me at work and just close friends.

It does get easier the more I do it.

As far as my former wife...
When we first dated, I realized I had better stop what I was doing and feeling... the wearing of fem clothing in private, and the feelings of transgenderness... and so I told her I "used to" do these things.
I wanted to believe I could stop and make all that terrible stuff go away.
I really wanted to be 'normal' as I thought normal was at that time.

In short, I convinced her I guess, because she never questioned me about it for all the years we were together.

I do feel especially bad for hiding this from her all those years, and I never want to put another person through any of what she went through.

So I take you words to heart, and I feel glad to have acceptance here and the friendship I feel.

I'm glad I started this thread.

Thank you all again for replying to it... it really does mean a lot to me.

A friend told me he watched a talk show and it's not at all unusual for "men" who have had sex change operations to still(?) prefer the company of women.