10 Feb 2009, 5:30 pm
Unless he made some really nasty sexual remarks, or you kept to a monosyllabic vocabulary the entire night, I think you're being kind of unreasonably harsh.
That's fair enough!
I guess I'd like to clarify that I do appreciate that this guy, and the others who have done similar things, are trying to pay me a compliment. You said in a later comment that the situation sounded pretty innocuous - yes, it was! It's just that my gut reaction is offense at the superficiality of it - although I know it's harmless and certainly that no offense is intended - usually the opposite.
Ironically, the guys who lean out of cars and honk horns, shout lewd things, etc, don't offend me - I find them harmless and hilarious. But the ones who meet me and want to spend time with me because of my appearance? I guess it bothers me because it makes me feel like my personality isn't important - like a sex object.
(And actually, my vocabulary was pretty monosyllabic and pissy the whole night. I was shocked that he hadn't decided to really dislike me based on my social performance that evening - I certainly would have!)
But as you said, I am probably overreacting. Unfortunately it's just the way I feel about these situations.
10 Feb 2009, 5:56 pm
10 Feb 2009, 6:16 pm
No offense taken!
I do recognise everything you say, and I appreciate it. Perhaps I've just been tainted by too many bad experiences where it turned out that all they really were after was sex. In any case, it is something I know I have to try to stop reacting so badly to.... a work in progress, I guess!
11 Feb 2009, 3:53 am
If you really didn't want to talk to him, you shouldn't have given him your number. It was a bad idea all around to do so if you don't really want to talk to him. When a person is irritable that irritation and agitation can sometimes tend to distort their perception of the situation. You're not seeing the forest from the tree's here. In the small time he met you, he merely wanted to get your number to attempt to get to know you better.
It was the fastest way to get rid of him at 4am with a migraine, and he caught me completely offguard. I do not think fast on my feet, and I just wanted to get out of there and home to bed.
I found it aggravating that his judgment was so superficial - and it wasn't an isolated incident. I was just wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way - when I think about it passively I can understand that it isn't that odd, I suppose, but when it happens I can't help but feel really objectified and cheap. <shrug>
I understand your feelings but guys aren't all that bright, just remember to have enough self respect to say "no", you remind me of me of women I know who always let other people trample them for the sake of "being polite" don't do it! Just be upfront - I really have a headache, and I appreciate the attention but I'm not interested / taken /etc, and to go chat with someone else because your a sick... done in a tactful way, any good and decent guy will understand. I totally understand your feelings, I'm just saying that because you felt awful, you were probably in a more unforgiving state, I myself have been there and aggravated by both men and women, just try to remember not everyone is mature as you, take the high road - with self respect, and don't feel like you have to "be polite", you're the one creating hte idea that 'if you didn't you'd seem rude, etc', and that's the problem - only in your mind would that seem rude, we tend to listen to our own little world too often when it is wrong, it's ok to say no, and do it in a tactful way.
11 Feb 2009, 6:13 am
11 Feb 2009, 9:45 am
I fully understand your annoyance - regardless of his intentions, your "monosyllabic and pissy" attitude should have been an obvious hint that you were not interested.
It's a lot worse in public places - I can't for the life of me understand why a guy would try to pick up a complete stranger who's obviously not single. Maybe I'm too uptight, but I do feel offended.
*The most absurd episode was at a night out with some of my hubby's colleagues and a total stranger (presumably drunk) approached me and said "You shouldn't be with him, you should be with me". After we got rid of him I said I find this kind of behavior unacceptable and the women in the group thought I was an hypocrite for not admitting I enjoyed the attention 
*
11 Feb 2009, 1:59 pm
Chibi_Neko
Veteran
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,485
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
11 Feb 2009, 6:07 pm
11 Feb 2009, 6:08 pm
Yes, sometimes 
However, If a guy has the hots for you it makes for good sex.
11 Feb 2009, 6:55 pm
11 Feb 2009, 6:58 pm
12 Feb 2009, 6:16 am
12 Feb 2009, 1:18 pm
14 Feb 2009, 4:52 am
However, If a guy has the hots for you it makes for good sex.For them. Been there.
14 Feb 2009, 6:01 am
I know it has already been said... but. It was your co-worker's male friend, so I'm guessing you had never met him before. You waited around for him even though it was an unpleasant situation (I'm AS and APD as well so I know exactly how you feel). If you're anything like me personality wise you were probably very nice/kind to him driving home. Now let me relate to this guy at the party. You waited for him, and you (I am assuming) were at least polite to him driving him home. That qualifies you as a kind girl in my book, which to me are the most attractive kind above looks. Not that looks don't count, and I'm assuming you are an attractive girl physically beyond your kindness.
But that's besides the point, as if you weren't a kind girl I would not be attracted to you regardless of your physical appearance, the physical appearance is a bonus. Now say I am a guy and I'm at a party confronted with a random girl who is kind and physically attractive. Chances are I am not going to see this girl again so what do I have to lose by asking her for her number? The worst she can say is no, and since it is a random party I really don't care much. And if she says yes not only do I get a kind girl but a physically attractive one! I don't know if I was you I would assume it wasn't only about looks but your personality, and the fact that this guy had nothing to lose by asking you out. Maybe you should even be a bit flattered instead of offended and consider giving that said gentleman a call .
Edit: I don't know what that guy was like, but I can assure you if my assumptions were true that is exactly what would be going through my head, and I can assure you I'm not superficial at all.
18 Feb 2009, 1:05 am
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