Things I have learned in life about being female

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hurtloam
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18 May 2016, 5:31 am

Amity wrote:
Alex, if you are still following this thread... Would it be possible to have a trial 'women's only' sticky thread in this sub forum?

I believe it would be a sensible step towards the congenial space for women only discussions, I don't personally understand how it would be different in a good way, but that's because I've never had that experience.


That's not gonna work. What they really want is a thread where everyone just agrees with them and won't challenge their narrow perceptions. I'm female and I'll still be here!



androbot01
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18 May 2016, 6:47 am

B19 wrote:
Sometimes I just want a congenial place to share my perceptions about being a woman in current Western culture with other women purely as an exchange of experience, within that specific context, without receiving unasked-for advice, analysis, being told what I really mean (from someone else's perspective) or being drawn into an unwanted debate, political frameworks or a "whose experience is more valid" ego-driven scenario. ...

Dox47 wrote:
I don't know, quite a few people seemed interested in discussing what a jerk he is for suggesting a solution to someone's unwanted thoughts, I think that justifies some responses.

I think this is an age old point of miscommunication between men and women. Anecdotely, I have often heard women say, "I just want someone to listen to/hear me." And men saying, "I am just trying to help." Obviously this is gender stereotyped, but it does show a need for different kinds of communication: problem solving vs. listening.
As this is the women's forum, I think deference should be given to the "female" communication vs. the ego dueling.



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2016, 7:00 am

I am frequently told to "listen," and to "not offer advice."

It is natural for me to want to offer solutions to problems. I don't understand why someone with a problem wouldn't want proposed solutions to be presented.

My mother did this on a car trip once. She feels claustrophobic at times in the car. I noticed that she seemed more relaxed when she was speaking to someone on the phone. On one occasion, I conveyed the thought that maybe she should call one of her friends when the claustrophobic feeling it. She told me, in essence, "I am entitled to my feelings, and I am entitled to FEEL my feelings to the fullest." Thus, she precluded me from offering suggestions as to how to alleviate her feeling.



Pieplup
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18 May 2016, 7:10 am

Why was my post get deleted? After all, it was just my opinion.


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YippySkippy
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18 May 2016, 7:59 am

Quote:
And you never say Hi.


Hi.

Do other people say "hi" here? I don't think I've ever noticed.
I don't think I've ever said "hi" to anyone on WP.
Hi, everybody.



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2016, 8:05 am

Hi there!

Sometimes, I do say "hi" to people here.

It's true, though---it's pretty rare to greet people this way on WP. It's because of the nature of forums.

I like it when people say "hi" to me.

When I was growing up, I used to go up to random strangers and say "hi" to them. People thought I was ret*d; I didn't really care what people thought.

Most people respond favorably to this.



androbot01
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18 May 2016, 8:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It is natural for me to want to offer solutions to problems. I don't understand why someone with a problem wouldn't want proposed solutions to be presented.

Sometimes it's not a problem, it's just the person wanting to talk things through.



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2016, 8:48 am

I agree with what you say.

My mother was in some distress, though. And she wasn't listening to anything that may alleviate the distress. She just wanted to "experience" it.



0_equals_true
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18 May 2016, 12:44 pm

dianthus wrote:
What comes across as presumptuous, is you seem to assume that I haven't done any questioning of the ideas I wrote about, or that I might not have any reason to express myself the way I did. Most of us here have some issues with understanding non-literal language, myself included, so I understand if it wasn't clear what I meant. But I think it's much more than that, because you take this kind of stance frequently here.


I'm definitely very literal, true.

Do you mean satirical? The broader meaning of the word might fit, not the comedy type. I guessing it is partly self-satire too? I love satire.

I'm sure you have questioned yourself, by the sounds of it this is something that you are doing battle with and I'm confident you are winning.

My position is regardless of what you said about style it should still be open to criticism. Not to be personal to you but simply becuase they stand as ideas. Whether literal or not it still can be taken to heart by someone.

If satire, I may be an idiot for not noticing and then the joke is on me, but any satirist worth their salt would stand up for my inclination to critisise the topic, after all satire is a form of criticism.

The stance I'm against is the idea of setting up sealed echo chambers for any demographic or interest group. I don't think anyone should be 100% protected again criticism especially as an adult. It is important to have multiple narratives in any given scenario. There is a differnce between a nurturing environment and sanitised one.

I think if the the situation was reversed and it was a male user doing a similar style post with inference of women it would rightly revive criticism and I certainly would be one of the first to criticism them. I don't think that is a bad thing.

Such a form of satire cuts it very fine, some of these thread might get locked depending on how they did it, personally I prefer that they don't, but we are here by privilege not by right.



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18 May 2016, 1:19 pm

She doesn't mean satire, and its presumptuous to assume she doesn't understand the meaning of the word she used.



0_equals_true
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18 May 2016, 1:24 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
She doesn't mean satire, and its presumptuous to assume she doesn't understand the meaning of the word she used.

She said herself she could not think of the word. So I don't know what word you are talking about.

I should probably make a quip about presumptuousness but I'll let it slide.



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18 May 2016, 1:56 pm

I think CBT can help someone change how they think.
Its core is about questioning whether some of own ways of thinking are too rigid, narrow, perhaps distorted, or maladaptive, etc.
It is possible to change how one thinks for the better.
Changing how one thinks isn't making oneself conform to something or invalidating oneself or any of the things that people sometimes bring up as reasons to stick to overly rigid, maladaptive thought patterns.
It's more like opening up one's mind and letting more ways of thinking happen, unglueing from previous patterns, trying some new ones, perhaps the new ones work better than the old ones.
This is how it was for me, and I was not a big believer in CBT to start with, nor did I practice it for long.
I thought it was too cheery and positive, a criticism I often read here.
But it did help me think of many things differently and get on better in my life.
It definitely improved my relationships with people.
Even though I don't have any therapies, I can let go of everyday annoyances and deal with everyday problems better from having experience with CBT, it put me into a habit of thinking more than one way about something, which is probably the biggest gain I got from it.


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Amity
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18 May 2016, 2:08 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Amity wrote:
Alex, if you are still following this thread... Would it be possible to have a trial 'women's only' sticky thread in this sub forum?

I believe it would be a sensible step towards the congenial space for women only discussions, I don't personally understand how it would be different in a good way, but that's because I've never had that experience.


That's not gonna work. What they really want is a thread where everyone just agrees with them and won't challenge their narrow perceptions. I'm female and I'll still be here!

I don't know hurtloam, it could work. Here is why:
I think people behave differently when they don't feel threatened, or feel the need to be on the defense, they relax, the brain works differently, problem solving, judgement, impulse control, and social behavior improves.
The reality is that the sticky would still be on view, and as such be accountable and transparent, but could exist as a virtual space just for those who identify as female, I don't think it's an unreasonable request in a women's discussion forum.
At the start of this thread I didnt understand the OPs perspective, because I cant relate to it, but, my limitations don't make the experience any the less real, nor the need to discuss it, everything is relative. I work in a female dominated sector, this coupled with life experiences has made me cynical about female only groups. Perhaps the female ASD dynamic would be different?



YippySkippy
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18 May 2016, 2:19 pm

Quote:
She said herself she could not think of the word. So I don't know what word you are talking about.


No, she didn't, at least not in the part you chose to quote. She said she has some issues understanding non-literal language. She also said you were being presumptuous, and you replied by asking "Do you mean satirical?". I'm pretty sure she meant what she said. :?



0_equals_true
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18 May 2016, 2:27 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
She said herself she could not think of the word. So I don't know what word you are talking about.


No, she didn't, at least not in the part you chose to quote. She said she has some issues understanding non-literal language. She also said you were being presumptuous, and you replied by asking "Do you mean satirical?". I'm pretty sure she meant what she said. :?


Yes it wasn't in that quote correct, please go back a read the full text.

It seems you are trying to make make issue out of it.

Also satirical is a reasonable interpretation. Especially as she said it was sort of like sarcasm but not quite.



dianthus
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18 May 2016, 3:30 pm

Good grief...no this wasn't satire. I'm not sure if there is any specific term for it.