Things I have learned in life about being female

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...but isn't this what society always expect when a woman shares an experience? That she must disprove every other conceivable scenario before we accept that maybe she could possibly be right? It's similar to what happens when a woman reports a sexual assault - people ask what she was wearing, and what time it was, and whether she was alone, blah, blah, blah. (and no I'm not saying that nearly walking into someone is rape, which I really shouldn't have to explain but I probably do)

When I don't move in time and a another person touches me, I say "excuse me", because I always think that it was my duty to move out of the way and the other person is probably irritated that I didn't follow this obvious social rule.

There's was one time when I took a bus for a pretty long journey and there was a big lady sitting between me and the aisle. I did my best to press myself to the window so that we wouldn't touch but it didn't work and later she moved to another seat. That made me feel bad that I invaded her personal space even though there was nothing I could do.

BTW, I hope you don't mind me posting here?

Good choice, OOM.

Interesting ... the women's forum is now a place for men to bond over their mistreatment by women.

*What I am about to say here comes from my own personal life experience and the messages I have gotten from other people. I am not saying I agree with these things, or think it should be this way. I'm just saying, this is how it is. And it's not that long ago that I finally figured out some of these things. If the world is different for you, that's wonderful, but bear in mind I live in the Southern US and things might be different where you live.



1. My body is not supposed to take up much space. My legs should be together at all times, if not crossed, and my arms should be pressed close to my sides or crossed. When I walk, I should walk carefully and look all around to make sure I don't get in anyone's way.

2. Men need a lot more space for their bodies when they sit or stand or walk around. They will need to sit with a wide stance or have their legs stretched out. I should never sit with a wide stance, because it might make me think I am whore, and it might take away from their precious leg room. They will also need more space than I do for their arms. If there is an armrest between us, they have the absolute right to use it and I don't.

3. When a man is sitting or standing close to me, the space around my body is really his. I should not expect to have any extra space around my body that is just mine. He can expand his body all the way out into that space, right up to the edge of my skin. He can even touch me if he wants. He can put his arm around me, or pat me or slap me on the back, grab at my clothing or stand so close I can feel his breath on my cheek as he is talking to me. There is no natural reason why I should expect anything different.

4. When a man is walking towards me, I must be ready to move out of the way quickly to let him pass. He needs more space than I do to walk. He might need to swing his arms wildly, or whirl around suddenly as he gets close to me. He may need to walk so fast that he can't slow down for anyone. He may not really be able to see me. I might get thrown off balance or injured if I am not prepared to move, especially if he is pushing a shopping cart.

5. When a man opens a door for me, I should always be appreciative of it, even if he blocks the doorway so much that I have to brush against his body to get through the door. After all he is just trying to be nice, like his mama taught him to be, and it would make me a real b***h if I didn't act grateful. He just needs a lot more space than I do to get through the door, so it's not like he's trying to get close to me so he can feel my body or anything.

6. The man who just made a big grand show of opening a door for me, may be completely oblivious to my physical presence a short time later when he needs extra space to walk, stand, or sit. I should just accept this especially since he was nice enough to hold the door open for me. After that I owe him for the gesture by allowing him to take all the space he needs.

7. All aspects of my body and appearance, including particularly my hairstyle, my skin tone and color, my weight and the size and shape of my body, are open to any and all comment or question from other people, accompanied by pointed staring or gestures to highlight the aspects they are most interested in.

(to be continued)

I used to sit with a wide stance and it was never a problem.

I think most men would be completely perplexed by the concept that a woman feels she has to occupy as little space as possible.

I think women just feel that they have to, or just occupy little space naturally.