when you see a woman who is very "put together"

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I've heard the expression that these women are like the duck "calm and collected on the surface, and paddling like crazy underneath."
I've seen the house of one such woman who is So put together and beautiful, and it is a pack-rat, clothes piled to the ceiling, and unsanitary bathroom kind of place. No one would ever guess to look at her.

I'm quite surprised by the nastiness/catty reactions and sweeping generalisations made in this thread - a woman can be well groomed and elegant without looking like a whore or being obsessed with herself.

Rather ironic considering most aspies complain they are being treated in a similar fashion by NTs.

people tell me i look 'put together' sometimes, but i rarely bother with hair and much makeup.
it confuses me.

When I see someone who is completely put together I squirm with jealousy. It just doesn't seem fair to always be broken either physically, mentally, emotionally or all 3.

Lifes not fair though, sadly.

"put together" to me means that the person has very few physical, mental and emotional problems. If its just hair and makeup.. thats easy to do but kind of annoying.

no, i wonder why she wastes so much of her time making herself into an object. i figure it must be a full time job, and i don't envy either the work involved or the way she is likely treated.

As someone who always manages to look "somewhat unkempt" I've always been quite curious about this.

I've observed that women who manage to stay kempt usually have very healthy hair. If it's straight, there are no split ends or strays, and this prevents the hair from tangling and allows it to return to it's natural position of being quite kempt, after it's disturbed, much like in a Pantene commercial.

My hair does not do this because it breaks and splits easily due it's unusually fine texture and any products that aim to fix this just make it look greasy.

If they have wavey hair, it's sufficiently thick and heavy enough to stay in place, and if they have curly hair, it's not frizzy....there are products they use to prevent frizz.

They have good posture and graceful movements. This keeps clothing from becoming oddly situated

Build has a lot to do with it. Women who always look put together usually tend to have narrow shoulders and ultra-feminine features. If you have such, you can get away with a lot in terms of style.

I didn't consider the mental aspect....however I fail to believe anyone who is completely physically put together is really all that mentally put together because I've noticed many of them have lint free black clothing, and it took 60mg of Prozac for my clothing not to be lint free.

So they are either spending too much money at the cleaners or spending three hours with tweezers and a magnifying glass picking lint off of things.

You do. It's because you have good hair quality and more feminine than average features.

do you think? i always think i look scruffy - especially in pictures.
sometimes i forget to brush my hair and people always tell me it looks nice like i've styled it that way!

women who look immaculate with perfect hair/makeup/nails scare and intimidate me.

Bingo! That's exactly what I was going to say.

So there are women who spend hours getting themselves ready. So f*****g what? It's their choice. If you don't like it, no one says you have to do it. Isn't there anything you spend hours doing?

What I was also going to say is this ... I subscribe to the 80-20 rule. You can achieve 80% of the effect those women do with about 20% of the effort. It's that last 20% that takes so much time.

Or she's a stay-at-home and has time on her hands. I should know.

There are ways to make it easier. Get a haircut that works for your hair and is easy to style...I usually wear mine shoulder-length or shorter, in some kind of bob. Basically wash and wear, unless it's frizzy and I have to straighten it. Find a quick and easy face routine -- watch a couple episodes of What Not To Wear, and see Carmindy do a "five minute face." A five minute face leaves you looking pretty and polished and never overdone. Focus on one feature, don't go heavy on everything. For example, if you are going to wear heavy eyemakeup, choose a lighter, more natural shade for your lips and cheeks and don't overdo the rouge! (That saves time, too.) When you go clothes-shopping, think quality rather than quantity and buy to flatter your body, not just what is trendy this season. (You can always easily update a classic wardrobe with a few accessories.) For example, if you are like me and heavier on the bottom than the top, buy some stylish wide-legs slacks rather than skin-tight pants. If you want stylish jeans, buy a size up so they skim but don't cling and get the waist hemmed by a tailor if needed. When you find a pair of pants that are comfortable and attractive, buy a few pairs! Try some in different colors, like black, charcoal, kakhi or tan, and navy (your basic neutrals, they go with anything -- white and ivory are neutrals, too, but make your butt and thighs look heavier). Same goes for tops -- I have about 10 v-neck sweaters in different colors and patterns and matching/contrasting camisoles and tanktops. In the summer, I go for long A-line skirts with tanks or babydoll tops or sundresses with empire waists. These are clothes that fit me and are comfortable to wear (no panty hose). I do pick out an outfit the night beforehand, though, or I spend way too long taking things on and off and fussing over my appearance. Since all my clothes fit well, though, I know I'll look put-together.

Being put together is about being comfortable with yourself and your level of personal upkeep. Some women wear makeup to the gym -- I don't. I don't dress up or bother doing my hair, either; I grab my track pants and a t-shirt and put my hair in a quick ponytail. I generally don't bother with a full face for the grocery store either (and I've been known to wear track pants there on occasion). Some days I just pull on a stylish hat rather than fuss with my crazy double-cowlick. Seriously, find clothes that fit well, that's a huge part of looking good. Yes, having broader shoulders (look at fashion models -- broader shoulders tapering to narrow hips) and long legs make looking good easier, but anyone can find clothes that make them look good...it's just harder for some of us than others! When you are wearing comfortable, well-fitting clothes, you will automatically feel more comfortable with yourself.

Other things that help include pretty nails -- if you can't afford a manicure, trim and file them. I often wear a clear polish on mine, which I change weekly. If you wear a peep-toe shoe, polish your toenails and repair any chips in the polish. You can paint them in a simple clear, although I prefer bright jewel tones. Use lotion, especially on your hands, feet, face, elbows, and knees. I use it everywhere! Buy a bodywash that suits your skintype; so much better for soft, pretty, clear skin than soap. Wash your face clean of any makeup you wear; use cold cream if you have delicate skin. Give yourself a quick facial by steaming your face -- over a pot of hot water, or in the dishwasher by opening it when it's in the drying cycle, or even a warm washcloth over your face for a few minutes. Opens the pores and prevents zits. Fresh, clear skin is one of the most attractive things out there! Stand up straight, shoulders back, chest out. Oh, and one thing that always helps me? This sounds silly, but sexy underwear. Nothing uncomfortable (lace can itch), but if I'm feeling down, thinking about the slinky thing I'm wearing under my clothes always gives me a confidence boost, and one big secret of looking put-together is simply feeling confident in how you look and letting it show!

The most important part of looking really put-together? Personal grooming! Buy a good shampoo and conditioner and use them at least every other day. Bathe in between. Wear deodorant. Shave, if you're comfortable with that. Being clean and non-stinky is the first step to looking good (this gets easier with practice, I've found; I was not always the best about washing my hair).

EDIT: I have baby-fine, wavy hair that grows thickly on my scalp. It's a PITA, which is one reason for my very simple hairstyles. To care for it, I never let it grow past my shoulders; fine hair splits if you let it grow much longer than that. I get it trimmed every few months to keep the ends healthy. Use a detangler on it -- those come in spray-on cans and you just spritz them on when you are combing or brushing your hair. They work on wet or dry hair. Use a brush with plastic bristles with what look like little round beads on the end of the bristles; those prevent split ends. Try not to use too much heat; only blow-dry it part way, avoid overuse of curling irons or straighteners. Talk to a stylist about the pH level of your hair...if volumizing products make it greasy (and you are being very sure to wash them out completely), it could be a pH issue and your stylist can make recommendations. Sorry I can't help the ladies with coarse, curly, frizzy, or very thin hair; I only know tricks for controlling my own texture.

I guess it depends how exactly their put together. I will initally think oh that womens wearing too much makeup or damn shes got really high heels. If I like something shes wearing I'll think oh thats looks cool. If she looks plain overdone, I'll think of that shes one of those prissy, superficial women. I personally dont strive to be like them, I strive to look good within my own style.

For those women who are well put together, sure its lots of work but they've probably been dressing themselves up most of their lives. They slowly build on their skill to create a put together look. They are very into looking a certain way, like its an interest for them. They want the nice clothes, makeup, fashion whatever, they like how looking really good can have a heavy impact on peoples impression of u. For many aspies, were not into looking fashionable, thats not an interest point for us. But I can imagine if there are aspies that obsess about fashion, clothes, makeup and looks then I can imagine he or she would be able to create a fashionable look.

"Oh God, try living in Japan! Women do themselves up like that just to go to the grocery store! It doesn't make any sense to me. I see them on the train applying their makeup and it takes them forever. I just don't know why anyone would go to that much effort for something that is not a major special occasion."

Omg, I dont live in Japan but I see Japanese tourist all the time plus the Japanese students at the local colleges. They're so dolled up. And I seriously thought this was only the rich Japanese who have money. And these Japanese women, they act so ridiculous too, its sickening

I think that these women who look as though they spend hours on their appearance are just very well skilled at applying makeup, fixing their hair, etc.

When I leave my trailer (I live in a 5th wheel RV) I always try to look my best for many reasons. One of them is that I consider clothes to be an outlet for my creative nature. I have also found that people are treated better if they do not look like a slob. Dressing well also, in my opinion, shows self respect.

I have always been interested in clothing. Very fascinating subject. Such as-now that we have dry cleaners, all types of fabrics, easier ways of making clothes why is that the clothing worn now is so boring when compared to the clothes that were worn, as an example, during the Elizabethan era, or the mid 1800s. They didn't have the means to create these things other than by hand sewing. And think about trying to keep them clean. We now have computers that could easily make the patterns.

I think the clothes we wear are an expression of who we are as a person.

irene

I can barely get myself to shower before the afternoon on days that I don't have anything to d, so that probably says a lot about how I feel about my inclination to dress up

I put my hair in a ponytail most days; if I'm too lazy to do that, I just get out of the shower and brush it so the part is on the right side of my scalp.

I have seen many women with caked-on makeup; it looks sickening. I won't wear ANY make up because it smudges; you can't eat because you might get lipstick on your teeth or wipe it off and have to re-apply it, you can't cry because the mascara will run, you can't touch any part of your face for said reasons.

And what I always find funny is that women on TV, even with the professional makeup artists, have two different skin tones for their face and their neck; the foundation doesn't even match the rest of their body! Laugh out loud!

I don't even shave my legs; it's a pain, it's tedious, dangerous, and if my (hopefully someday) future husband wants me to shave my legs/underarms, I'll tell him to do the same!

This.

That said, my own pink hair does require a weekly shave to the sides and periodic re-dying, which takes several hours.

I wish I could look more neatly than I usually do. I have hair that's just naturally wild and messy. It doesn't like taming, and even hours of working with it, it still won't behave. I love that super neat and clean look some women get with their hair that I'll never achieve. Sometimes I wish I could just cut my hair down to an inch and wear wigs, but I don't think I could tolerate a wig, especially one made out of some poor Indian girl's hair.

I hate my gray hair--I'm about 1/4 to 1/3 gray, and a natural dark brunette with very pale skin, so it just makes me looks washed out and tired. If it was totally white, that'd be great--in fact when I first started going gray as a teen, I begged my hairdresser to bleach all my hair white, but she refused, saying it'd destroy super fine hair like mine. But 20 years later, I'm just salt and pepper'd enough to look old, but not enough to look not sophisticated. So I dye it and of course it grows out far more quickly that I like, and I'm bad about going and getting it touched up (I'm sick of doing it myself). I really don't like going to the salon and stuff. But I really am tired of looking like a worn-out slob.

I suspect women who can groom themselves more neatly just have better executive functioning than me. I don't care much for make-up and nails, but I do marvel at women who can do their hair well and always dress neatly.