NT men using our extreme focuses to sexually manipulate us
Yes, I know it is, but you have to tune the news off to an extent. Close yourself off from it. It's a horrible thing to have to do but you do it for your own sanity. If I kept a close watch on each individual case of mass rapes in the Congo or something like that, I'd never live. sh***y things happen to people all the time. It makes me sick, but this is human nature. As I said: humans are good but they also cause great harm, often maliciously or sometimes simply for pleasure.
Not at all. Once someone has shown they are worth trusting, whats the problem?
But how do you know they're really like that and not putting on an act? My mom trusted my father, got married and had two kids with him. She thought she could trust him and he cheated on her and left her to raise us on her own. :/
Because once you really know and love someone, you know when they're acting and when they're not. I trust my boyfriend with my life. I know he's not playing me, in any way.
So? You're not your mother, not all men are like your father.
Well, you're lucky. Most of us will never have that.
Sometimes I think I'll end up like my mother. Alone and bitter. I deserve it though. :/
Yes, I know it is, but you have to tune the news off to an extent. Close yourself off from it. It's a horrible thing to have to do but you do it for your own sanity. If I kept a close watch on each individual case of mass rapes in the Congo or something like that, I'd never live. sh***y things happen to people all the time. It makes me sick, but this is human nature. As I said: humans are good but they also cause great harm, often maliciously or sometimes simply for pleasure.
Mom has to watch her news every day though. Even if I don't watch it or put my headphones in, she'll talk to me about it later anyway. D:
They'll know in the way you speak to and interact with them. No man would possibly want to be around a woman like that - and the same applies in reverse. No-one wants to be with someone who distrusts them before they've even said anything.
Do you think like that with all people or is it just men? All guys are not your dad, you know, and you will probably be the sort that might end up seeking out/attracting these types as it's what you know and grew up wih.
hartzofspace
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Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Well, I have that too! And luck has nothing to do with it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I had a really crappy ex before; in fact, two. One of them even hit me a few times. For a long time I wallowed in fear and had trouble trusting. Then I realized that my negative attitude was chasing people away. I worked on my attitude, and when I least expected it, I met an awesome guy. We are now engaged to marry.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
No, you don't know that. You trust that. It's good to trust in a relationship (though there has to be a limit). That's entirely different from trusting someone you don't know yet.
Most people learn to trust others through a combination of their actions, their words, and their body language/voice inflection. It's easy to lie with words, and someone can act like a decent person for a long time (and explain it away when they don't). Most people rely on body language and voice inflection to let them know if someone is telling the truth because it's harder to lie that way. If you don't pick up on those things, you are much more vulnerable to thinking someone is a good person when they aren't.
It's good to know what your limits are. I got myself into huge amounts of trouble because I didn't know that I couldn't read people (almost died a few times) - on the other hand, I almost ruined a wonderful relationship (my current) for the same reason. The best way to keep yourself safe and functioning in the world of relationships is to know your limits - not as a negative thing or a positive thing, but just a thing - and remember those limits at all times.
No, you don't deserve it. You just have some stuff to work through, that's all. It might be good to talk to a counselor, but not because there's something wrong with you - because your experiences have not been well-rounded (through no fault of your own), and a counselor might be able to help you get a balanced perspective. Also some tools for knowing when it's okay to trust people - trusting no one and trusting everyone both have their down sides, and I've done both. Black and white thinking, yay.
I'm not sure I understand what you are talking about. Most of my hobbies and interests are male dominated and most of the men in them are old enough to be my father. In the situations where it has been known that I was female, I can recall one where exchange where I came to realize after a deal with him fell through (we arranged an exchange of some equipment and he never followed through), that he actually had no interest in the equipment that he said he did, and he was actually patronizing me only engaging in the conversation because he liked the fact that a woman in her 20's was giving him attention.
I was quite annoyed by this, most especially because he was fairly renowned in the particular niche pertaining to our hobby but it was typical of the type of sexism I've been subjected to in these arenas.
The exchanges were never of an explicitly sexual nature though and he did not pursue me in any way.
I had considered taking up the issue that he never followed through on his end of the deal but I waited to long and he died.
Yeah, I've definitely been the target of some of this kind of behavior. I'm just so gullible and oblivious, I think guys are just being friendly! Once agreed to go on a date with a complete stranger and didn't even realize it! Luckily it turned out fine, he was weird and I never saw him again.
Have been approached by random hood rats in the ghetto hitting on me, even though I feel somewhat uncomfortable I am just too open and friendly sometimes. Almost gotten into some bad situations multiple times! Luckily my discomfort around strangers won out over my friendliness. Now I know better, have gotten "street smart" so to say at least to creepy crackhead type dudes who try to hit on you on the street, bus, or metro. The thing about being a woman, especially a young, somewhat attractive woman is that you are a target.
Not that all men who approach you because they find you attractive have a bad intention in mind. It's just that you get extra attention from men. This means both good and bad attention. Now I'm not saying to be freaked out or scared or anything. Just be on your guard if you live in a city/highly populated area, but be in charge of yourself! Don't put off an air of being scared or nervous, because people pick up on it (just like animals.) If you exude an air that you know what you are doing and you can take care of yourself, those kind of people won't screw with you.
However, I am more talking about "on the street" situations here. I don't necessarily know about someone who gets to know you through friends, family, work, school and does this. But if you are aware that you are vulnerable towards this kind of thing, then you can try and be aware to it happening.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
One thing that annoys me about some men, (I am not saying all) is that they seem to only be friendly if they hope to sleep with you. It it really aggravating and annoying if you are not interested in them that way. Often, I was perfectly willing to be friends with a male, only realize that he was hoping for more. Worse, once he found that he wasn't going to get more, he would dump me. What these type of men don't realize is that if they can't be a friend to a woman first, they aren't likely to be much of a success in the dating game.
This spills over into other areas, too. Like Chronos said, a deal fell through because the man in question wasn't taking her seriously just because of her youth and the fact that she is female. I have been ignored in stores because the male clerk found it more to his advantage to be attentive to whatever customer he was finding attractive at the moment then myself, just because my hair is going gray at the temples.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
Again, though, there is the Aspie/introverted problem of being far too friendly to women and passing up opportunities even when the people making them are trying to bludgeon you with the fact that they like you. So you end up with none of the women liking you - because they see you as gay, or like them, or an emotional tampon, or asexual, or without sexual feelings.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Again, though, there is the Aspie/introverted problem of being far too friendly to women and passing up opportunities even when the people making them are trying to bludgeon you with the fact that they like you. So you end up with none of the women liking you - because they see you as gay, or like them, or an emotional tampon, or asexual, or without sexual feelings.
Actually, this happens to women too. I have mistaken a guy for being attracted to me, only to find that he was just being nice. Or worse, he actually was gay. .
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
Without sounding too cynical about it, I'd say this applies to a significant percentage of men and if a woman makes it to the age of 15 without experiencing it, it's unusual. I think it's just the way men are ... speaking for myself, at my stage of life I don't think there's much to be gained by getting too terribly upset over it.
One way to deal with it (not saying it's the only way) is to make simple rules like no sex before the third date (or whatever). See how a guy reacts if he thinks he isn't going to get any. Or casually drop comments like "I really hate sex" as part of the conversation, like it's no big deal. See how he reacts to it. Myself, I've said things like that, even though I really love sex, just to see how he would take it.
Some men will be ok with it, some won't.
I love this
My partner got involved with me knowing that it was possible I would never want to have a sexual relationship and I might not be able to share a bedroom with him. Happily that's not the case, but the poor guy has gone as long as five months waiting for me to get through a bad stretch without one complaint. It's good to know that I can put that part of our relationship on hold if I need to.