Do you make eye contact?

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I learned eye contact partly because my dad is so bad at it. I am 49 years old, & he still doesn't know what I look like. No joke! But there are times when I don't give proper eye contact, & am accused of lying. It happens all the time. I agree on the school of hard knocks though....I think I graduated with honors.

tomboy4good said: I agree on the school of hard knocks though....I think I graduated with honors.

I think I just graduated with bruises!

Last edited by MsMarginalized on 07 Sep 2011, 1:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

NEVER, if i can possibly get away with it! besides being massivly uncomfortable with it, i have weak muscles in both eyes, which make me look like a cartoon character freak, or a Boston terrier, with eyes going out both directions. my parents could have fixed it, but didnt, so now i look like an idiot. i do have visual problems, because of this in part, so i can get away with wearing sunglasses inside stores and such, and i feel safer, as if i am 'hiding myself' behind them.

When I was first diagnosed at 18, my eye contact was horrible, I couldnt make it. I also had social anxiety my whole life so that made a huge impact. It was probably because when I was younger, I was easily intimidated by people who sternly asked me to make eye contact.

After my diagnosis, at 20ish I made it a point to nail eye contact. And now, its a lot more automatic now but in serious situations its still hard for me to make eye contact. But ironically, thats when people want me to make the most eye contact.

I think most(not all) aspies dont make eye contact naturally. I think, one major sign in detecting autism is a lack of eye contact in a child. Not to say that if a child naturally makes eye contact that discounts them for aspergers. I suspect that their are some, but its less common. Not every aspie is gonna have everything. There are many things that people on the higher end of the spectrum might not have but it doesnt mean their not on the spectrum.

Did you have to train her very well at some point. If so, this discredits what the person said.

Naturally, I don't really make eye contact.
Sometimes, I will actively avoid eye contact but usually it's just a case of it not happening.

I do try to force myself make eye contact in some situations, especially at work, however, but it is very hard work for me.

I am trying to train myself by looking at the eyes of people on TV and at the cinema. But I often forget because I just want to enjoy what I'm watching.

Maybe off topic but I realised recently that I feel very uncomfortable when I have to ring at a door with video intercom, I avoid looking in the eye of the camera and have to look somewhere else.

I can make eye contact when I feel comfortable. I look at their looks, the size of their bodies, how they have their hair. I used to have more difficulty with it as a kid but I have gotten better at it. I also look at their mouths or faces to fake eye contact. Now I can do it naturally but it's not natural if I feel uncomfortable.

I never liked looking at people when they tell me to look at them. I would look at them and then turn away and they keep telling me to "Look at me" and I never knew why they kept telling me to look at them when they already had. Years later I know now they wanted me to keep my eyes on them.


But I have no clue if my eye contact is normal. My doctors have described it as it being minimal but I don't know if I was feeling nervous or not. I was in the doctor's office for my first visit and answering questions. I remember feeling happy for my first visit. But this was four years ago. I have improved since then.

when i first started therapy for PTSD/depression, i wanted desperately to be allowed to play my gameboy, so i didnt have to look at the therapist. when she refused to let me do that, i began the habit of picking at my cuticules, which i still do today. currently, my MD comes to the house to see me, since i no longer have a service/guide dog. while he is here, some of the time i can glance at him, but most of the time i have my PC on, and have my online game "Perfect World' on the screen,so i can run around there while answering his questions. he knows my DXs of course, and knows why im doing it.

i know everyone considers it rude not to look at someone, because 'it makes them uncomfortable'. but no one ever considers if *we* might be uncomfy looking at them??

Mine is fine, I think. But I have been told I stare at times.

I find that when being spoken TO I have trouble looking people in the eyes, but when I am speaking I and I know what I am talking about I can look the other person in the eyes, at least for a little while. This becomes an issue when someone says, "Look me in the eyes when I'm speaking to you!" but people are a little more understanding once I explain my predicament.

I make really really brief eye contact, almost as if to say, "HA! I did it and now I can feel okay about myself." Never for more than a split second (often not enough for them to really even make eye contact back), and almost never more than once in one interaction.

Like people have said, I think it's important to remember that AS is a whole bunch of things; the absense of any one thing shouldn't rule it out.

I am constantly making eye contact, but I think I stare for too long.
And I tend to focus on one eye or the other.

But I prefer not to. But then people think I'm not paying attention, so I started to just stare at them.

No one seems to have notice I stare for too long yet.

I have developed some tricks over the years. One is to stand side-by-side with the person, and lean a little towards them, and make some small gestures while looking ahead as if you are watching something else in the room that they might be interested in, too. Many seem to find this confidential and chummy. Another similar one is to talk while walking, since then everybody has to watch where they are walking. You can also make people a drawing or diagram to explain something (only if it fits naturally in the conversation), to get a break from all the face time. Driving works, too. Most NT people (not the authoritarian types) seem to be satisfied if you make eye contact at the beginning of the conversation, and then just occasionally the rest of the time. Try not to gaze down and to the left, as apparently this is associated with lying.

I have tricks, too. The more comfortable I am with someone, the longer I've known them and grown to trust them, the less eye contact I make. That's why it was my kids' pediatrician that pegged me as an Aspie, but not the strangers I'd ended up with for my anxiety issues in the past. I don't actually make eye contact much, but I appear to. I unfocus my eyes so the person is a total blur, or I look at some other spot on their face. They seem to consider it acceptable "eye contact" if I'm watching their mouth when they talk too. If I'm having considerable trouble concentrating, and have had to ask them to repeat themselves...looking at the mouth helps me understand what they're saying, and that got me labeled as ADHD for some time.

10 minutes may be long enough to diagnose a REALLY obvious aspie...but that doc was just too lazy to bother with a full assessment. When ds and I were diagnosed, we each had multiple assessment appointments...and the doc said he was like 95% sure we were both AS off the bat but wanted to do a THOROUGH assessment to make sure he was giving us solid info.

I try to make eyecontact but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. The only reason why I´m doing it is because that´s what NT ´s seem to want. When I actually make eyecontact with people it´s an intense, weird and long stare. My therapist has thought me some tricks. I count to four and than I look away for four seconds and so on. Needless to say that making eyecontact doesn´t come natural to me.

Last edited by pokerface on 07 Oct 2011, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can make eye contact when needed, but it's not natural. I need to remind myself to do it. It's easier with people I know well. This seems to be an area where Aspies can vary greatly.