Are you afraid of having a child be on the spectrum?

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This is a tough one. In the poll I selected "On the spectrum" as it's closer to how I feel, but it's really not quite that simple. I feel I'd be better able to relate to my child if he were on the spectrum, but on the other hand I'd rather he not have all the difficulties in life that being on the spectrum could entail. I'd just want any child of mine to be happy the way they are.

At the moment I have one child, a six-month-old son, who naturally is way too young to tell whether or not he's on the spectrum. My mother often compares him to how my brother (diagnosed asperger's and ADHD) was when he was that age ("Just like him!"), but that could just as well be the general cheeriness and animation. Both are/were extremely delightful babies (well, the brother in question definitely isn't a baby, just turned 18). And it's a bit nerve-wracking, to be honest, not to know. My significant other has asked how we'd be able to tell if our kid has asperger's and how old he'd need to be. And the trouble is, at the moment, we can't. It'll take years to be sure.

I won't lie, it has crossed my mind a few times. When I have kids should I give them EVERY vaccine? Since I will probably be living in a big city, what would my options be for therapists/ centers for autism? Aid from the state?

But overall, I know that if my kids end up on the spectrum, I will do whatever it takes for them to be happy, just like my parents did for me. I will tell them to be proud of their difference.

Kind of too late for me to be afraid of having a child on the spectrum. I have 5 lovely boys and 5 have been diagnosed on the spectrum. We're still waiting to see if #5 is navigating the spectrum as well. Two are severe (classical moderate-severe), one is PDD-nos-modertate and one has Asperger's syndrome. LOL You could say we're like the ASD "poster-family". I sometimes have more difficulties with the NT child moreso than my ASD boys.

After this many years of raising boys on the spectrum and being Aspie myself, ASD is something I'm comfortable with so it doesn't scare me at all if my youngest was dx'ed. I kind of look at ASD as strong personality variants.

this! ^^^

i have aspergers according to my docs, and im just happy im comfortable with myself finally!

keeping that in mind, id prefer a child with aspergers, but not sure considering i would hate for my child to grow up with the same trials I did.

its hard to think about that.. as i am currently facing a possible pregnancy as we speak, this was one of the first things on my mind... not sure what i think about it yet considering ive only had this "pregnancy possibility" for about a week.

If I do decide to have a child/children the future, I don't mind if they're on the spectrum or not. But if they do, I would worry a little about them fitting in, making friends, and stuff.

why no, "no preference", option?

As both a child and an adult I went through hell with my AS. I couldn't get help or support for the difficulties I endured. That's not to say I would never want (if I wanted a child) to have AS or not. However in this country I find it hard for those of us who have disabilities that are invisible so to speak not to mention the cost of health care and trying to get an affordable diagnosis. Still, now that I know more about it and what I have, my child wouldn't be like I was, in the dark. But I don't think I could afford the kind of support or help they'd need.

i cant want to have both. as you cant decide if your kid is NT or Autistic. seeing i work as advocate and haveing freinds on all over spectrum, i can hadle haveing kids on spectrum too.

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Last edited by comawhite on 01 Feb 2012, 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have wrote my opinion about it explaining in the best way I can why I would prefer to bring up an NT child.
I have nothing against Autistic children, but personally I would prefer to have an NT child. Life is more predictable then. You know that an average, healthy NT child with no psychological differences or any developmental delays will start school happily and will make friends as they get older, and you just have the normal worries what all parents have with their children. I know NTs can still get depression and other disorders like that, but having a child on the spectrum has more chance of becoming depressed and anxious, and feeling isolated throughout school and struggling with living as a socially awkward person who tries hard but still gets pushed back even further.

Not only that - with a child with any disability, you have to keep taking them to clinics, get a diagnosis or something, fight to get them the right support in school, hope to God that the child won't get bullied, know that there's a higher chance of the child being socially miserable at school - and then you are afraid the child might have serious developmental delays which may humiliate you or the child, and I don't know many parents who prefer to have their child unhappy because sometimes parents with low self-esteem themselves start blaming themselves for the child's depression and isolation....

I'd rather have an NT child because there is less chance of the child from becoming isolated, depressed, anxious, easily stressed, and humiliated because of developmental difficulties or differences. I'm not saying there's 0 chance of NTs from getting depressed, but there is less chance of an NT child getting depressed than an Aspie or Autistic child becoming depressed, also due to social issues and co-morbids and severe lack of confidence, also having to endure school life and also work life struggling. At least with depressed or anxious NTs, there is a little more chance of them overcoming their disorder better by having more chance of having friends to fall back on. Generally NTs have more chance of becoming socially accepted, more so than Aspies. So I would like my child to be socially accepted, being that I wasn't throughout school, so why should I want to bring another Aspie child into the world and put them through it too?

Also it's all the social double-standards which leads to confusion, more isolation, distrust of people, anger, resentment, and possibly even Social Phobia. This has happened to me anyway. All through my life I've seen NTs breaking social rules, and thinking ''but if I did that everyone would hate me'' sort of thing, and it then makes me believe that whatever I do is wrong, even though rationally most things I do is socially right.

I'm not on the spectrum myself, but I have a sister that is, and I *think* that means I'm more likely than average to have children on the spectrum myself. (I say I think because it seems like every other day a study comes out saying something different.) And this is a question that's been weighing on me for a while. If I got a choice, I'd say NT or a child higher on the spectrum. I would be completely fine with either of those - I just think of an Aspie as someone with a different way of seeing the world. As you go lower on the spectrum, though, that's when I get concerned. We're talking failure to develop speech beyond echolalia and the like. It just seems very difficult and painful, for both mother and child. Not to mention that in order to get the sort of therapy and care such a child would need, or more importantly deserve, I would need to have an awful lot more resources than I will likely have. You want to give your child everything...I guess what I want is a child that I can do that for. I'm young yet, though...by the point it comes time to cross that bridge, I'm sure there will be new studies out saying something new to take into account.

This question just makes me think of my childhood, and how I'm a biracial girl with Asperger's.

My maternal grandparents didn't want me to be born because I'd be half black. They said I'd have a tough life, and get teased. Well I did.. as most people alive do. Life is challenging for EVERY person, just in different ways.

Being biracial, there were black people who teased me for "acting white" and white people who teased me for not being white enough. That's kind of how Asperger's feels. There will always be other ASD people who think I'm too high functioning & "don't really have" Asperger's. And then there will always be NT people who dislike me because I will never be "normal" enough for them.

Now of course with the way genetics works, my kid could be anything from an NT to having severe autism, and they could be anything from lily white to ebony in skin color, despite me being an Aspie with with a creamy beige complexion.

And I kind of feel like this question is every bit as ridiculous as if I were asked, "Would you rather your kid be born dark-skinned, or have the same tone as you?" or "Would you rather your kid have green eyes like their father, or brown eyes like you?" And if I then answered "Well, I'd rather them have white skin and green eyes like their father, because I wouldn't wish being black on anyone!"

It's all rather ridiculous. My boyfriend is caucasian (at least in appearances) & an NT. He had weight problems growing up, and now he's in better shape than most, but he works at it. I have always been fit, no matter how much junk I eat or how lazy I am, and I have always been viewed as attractive. We are both intelligent. I don't think either one of us had an "easier" life than the other, just different lives.. with some overlapping similarities. I couldn't care less which one of us our child ends up the most like. I love him & I love myself. And we will both love our child. And there will be others in this world who love our child, and still those who do not.. but that's life. Of course I have a gender preference and a weakness for strawberry blonde hair, but when all is said & done I'm not going to care about any of that either.

More than anything, I'd prefer my child be healthy, in a physical and emotional sense, and I'll do everything in my power to give them the tools to be both. But with genetics, you just never know. You could have an NT baby that ends up with bipolar disorder, or a low IQ, or a drug addiction, or an ugly face. You never know what cards life will deal.. but I don't feel like Asperger's is much different than my skin or hair color, it's just a different part of who I am. It does not determine what I will make of my life.

I don't have a preference. I have one on the spectrum (AS, mild, plus ADHD), my middle child. The oldest one, we were concerned about for a while (he has ADHD) but he outgrew his social awkwardness and doesn't seem to be on the spectrum. My youngest one is pretty much NT. I love 'em all, no preference whatsoever.

~Kate

I hope to have a child or children who are NT. I think like any would-be parent, I want my children to have all the things I didn't have. I want my kids to walk into a room and command attention...not fade into the shadows.

Also, I think having an Aspie as a parent would give an NT child some of the more positive aspie traits, like unique interests and talents. I've met several very interesting NTs...and they all have very unique, unorthodox parents. Imagine...a child who is incredibly interesting and also able to hold a conversation!

i don't know

i think my partner and i are both aspie.

i've never understood my sister's way of thinking. both of them are strange to me. i'm worried if i have kids they will be like them, and i won't be able to relate

i am hoping i have boys. even if they are NT i should be able to get along with them

i will love any child i may someday have.

I have no preference. A NT child would be able to fit in better, and not have such social difficulties, but on the flip side, I'd be able to relate better to a child on the spectrum. Come what may, I'll love it/them all the same.