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Help with my AS daughter, please!

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mv
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22 Jun 2012, 9:03 am

melmaclorelai wrote:
I am not a parent, but when I read the original post, something sprang to my mind about my own childhood that may be of use.

I have never liked having extra-curricular activities. Even activities that I enjoyed and was interested in. All throughout primary (elementrary) and high school, I felt school was too demanding to have any other responsibilities. It wasn't the academic work I found demanding, but rather the rigidity and social expectations of it - having to keep up with other people, having to do certain things by a certain time, being told constantly what to do and when to do it, not having any real power over myself and constantly being forced to socialize with other kids who bullied me constantly. I just felt that the time I had outside school was mine, to do as I wished with it and I didn't want anything to intefere with that. Not only do I have AS, I'm also an introvert which meant that socialization was doubly taxing for me. If your daughter has a tendency towards introversion coupled with social anxiety and sensory issues, perhaps she feels that art camp would take up too much time that she could spend by herself.

I'm at university now and it's much less demanding for me than K-12 schooling. I'm given a lot more autonomy and I only have to attend a couple of days per week. Now that I have more time to myself, I don't feel like extra-curricular acitivities would be too much to handle and I actually want to take a couple of things on.


YES! That constant exhaustion from just *being* with people or trying to be like other people! Problem is, when I was trying to get into college (mid 80's), they liked good grades but they LOVED extracurricular activities. To my detriment.



SpiritBlooms
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22 Jun 2012, 11:34 am

mv wrote:
melmaclorelai wrote:
I am not a parent, but when I read the original post, something sprang to my mind about my own childhood that may be of use.

I have never liked having extra-curricular activities. Even activities that I enjoyed and was interested in. All throughout primary (elementrary) and high school, I felt school was too demanding to have any other responsibilities. It wasn't the academic work I found demanding, but rather the rigidity and social expectations of it - having to keep up with other people, having to do certain things by a certain time, being told constantly what to do and when to do it, not having any real power over myself and constantly being forced to socialize with other kids who bullied me constantly. I just felt that the time I had outside school was mine, to do as I wished with it and I didn't want anything to intefere with that. Not only do I have AS, I'm also an introvert which meant that socialization was doubly taxing for me. If your daughter has a tendency towards introversion coupled with social anxiety and sensory issues, perhaps she feels that art camp would take up too much time that she could spend by herself.

I'm at university now and it's much less demanding for me than K-12 schooling. I'm given a lot more autonomy and I only have to attend a couple of days per week. Now that I have more time to myself, I don't feel like extra-curricular acitivities would be too much to handle and I actually want to take a couple of things on.


YES! That constant exhaustion from just *being* with people or trying to be like other people! Problem is, when I was trying to get into college (mid 80's), they liked good grades but they LOVED extracurricular activities. To my detriment.

Yes! Summertime used to be the time I could get back in touch with myself for a few months without the rigidity of other people's schedules and rules. I needed it in a way no one could understand. Just the freedom of planning my own days, play, and down time. Summer vacations and the nearly complete freedom I had during them were the sanity-saving blessing of childhood, for me.



Erminetheawkward
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22 Jun 2012, 1:36 pm

@ OP: I don't know if you can get her to change her mind for this particular art workshop. But if you can, all power to you and her. I don't know if I'm the most qualified since I don't have extreme sensory issues myself. But I know what's it's like to feel extreme anxiety over upcoming events, even if it's something I like.

Besides the possible sensory issues, I'd ease her into it next time, have her meet the instructors (maybe some of the other kids if you can. Maybe have a friend go with her? It makes a big difference having even one kid that will include her and accept her), maybe come to the camp before everything starts, tell her what's going to happen. And try to validate her anxiety a bit. That doesn't mean you have to accept her decision not to go, but at least recognize how hard this is for her. Perhaps you could try writing to her about all this? People with AS tend to be much more articulate about feelings/concerns in writing. Even when I was 7, I had a habit of writing angry notes to my parents when they didn't understand me. This worked much better than talking about it.

I also think it's important that whatever happens, she feels in control of the situation. I know when I was that age (even now) I would always dig in my heels when I feel like I'm being forced (even if it was my idea to begin with). If she feel in control of this whole art camp decision, she's more likely to get out of her comfort zone.


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