Do/Did you get along with your mother?

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My mom. My dad no. My dad is crazy obsessed with policts and who's a "liberial" and who's not and watches FOX NEWS litteraly 24/7. My mother even considered blocking that chanel.

I was about to post here... but I figured it wouldn't be appropriate. Just though I'd annoy somebody by letting them know that.

The purpose of this board is so that Aspie females can get together and talk, but it would be very difficult to keep men from reading and/or posting if that is what they wanted to do. It is more of an "honor code" system, the same way that younger members aren't supposed to read and/or post in the Mature Issues forum.

Now, if I may return to the original question, my mother and I get along fairly well and we have become a lot closer now that I am off at school. Yes, we have our differences, but we have come to a point where they are solved fairly easily.

I hear you....same here. My mother is waiting for me to "blossom" into a feminine woman....keep dreaming...lol

Hi, all.

No, I didn't get along with my mother. She was cold by most people's standards, terribly hard on me and could never support me emotionally. Although I don't think either of us characterized it this way, I think she did resent my "male" thinking and appraoch to life. I know she was jealous of the freedoms that I seemed to feel were my right as person regardless of my gender (in part, a generational thing and in part just my personality/brain) AND jealous of the attention I got from men in my early 20s. She died of lung cancer when I was 28.

However, on the rare moments we did connect - usually something odd that struck us both as tremendously funny -- we'd laugh until we cried. Didn't happen often, but I cherish those moments.

I realize in retrospect, that not only was she clinically depressed for a long time, but I am SURE she had some personality issues -- psych NOS-- and VERY possibly, she was where the probable AS stuff in our family comes from!! !

So, although in many ways she failed me, I know she tried. I know she was proud of me. She just had no clue how to show it or communicate it given all that was going on inside her.

Still, I miss her. In her later middle age, she had started to make some good strides in her life when she became ill. She had found a good man to love, who drew her out of her shell, and made her laugh. He thought she was the best thing since sliced bread, and that's exactly what she needed after the way my father treated her. Her new love's big, Italian family made her feel secure and gave her "permission" and a context in which she felt comfortable to open up and be warmer and less rigid and even a little silly.

I see much of her in me; I'm trying to nuture the strong traits I get from her and her side of the family, and UNLEARN some of the distancing, cold, emotional disconnecting behavior I learned (and possibly neruo inherited) from her. I'll always feel the lack of nuturing and warmth from a mother figure -- BUT, I recognize now that she went through a lot, and in her own rigid way, she was heroic.

Here's to mothers! You all are a special lot. No one more special.

DD

The mother I nursed at I got along with very well.

I don't really like the women v men forum discussions. I think it is all fine when taken in moderation. What about when the women have a question for the men or the men have a quesiton for the women? (since our understanding each other is a big part of our lives). Maybe we could allow for that-or at least MAKE an appropriate forum (hmm????) for it. Or just keep on doing as we please with some pros and some grumbles but always interesting nontheless.

Just my 2

I love my mother. She's not only the person who gave me life but my best friend. She understands how i think and my quirks. she drives me around to where i need to go as i can not drive myself. she takes care of me and is helping me to learn how to take charge of my life so i can make it on my own one day.

Not to say my mothers perfect. She's done some not moraly right things. Some of which eventually effecting me. I forgive her for thease things though as i love her and she loves me.

she proves that to me everyday.

I don't love or like my mother, and there is nothing I can relate to with her. Her interests involve getting her nails done and having a bazillion affairs with other men when she was married to my dad. Then, when she got caught in one affair, she claimed she was bored of having children and living for everyone but herself. I am going to do everything in my power to not be like my mother. I like the idea of mothers though. They're great. My mother? She fails at motherhood.

Actually, I don't care if men post in here or not. I'm usually out of sync with women and more in sync with men anyway. If they want to read about fluctuating hormones and gynos, that's their issue, not mine.


Mothers. My mother loves to be a martyr and is very passive/aggressive. I don't have much patience for such people and never did. We split the ways when I was eight and announced to her that I found the idea of marriage and children ludicrous and I wasn't doing either. I also told her I had no use for her or her friends and I was going to come and go and ignore her, so she should do the same. That really doesn't leave much space for a relationship (I was pretty brutal as a kid). This was compounded when she had an oops pregnancy when I was 11 (I was the youngest) and announced she hated this kid (while she was pregnant) and that it would tie her to my Dad longer. I promptly reminded her that the pill had been around since 1959 and abortion was legal in the state of New York (yes, this was pre-abortion rights). Like I said, this didn't exactly endear me to her, I'm sure. We just didn't have anything in common. Now I call her once a week and say yeah, whenever she stops talking. I don't register what she says and she seems happy to get to talk. That's the extent of our relationship. It was nothing that 1,200 miles betwee us couldn't cure.


On the other hand, I loved my father completely. He was a very, very special person in my life. We had many of the same interests and my personality never seemed to bother him a bit. I also have very close relationships to all five of my brothers, although at times they can be a bit emotionally taxing for me. I think I perplex them at times, but they still love me unconditionally and spoil me rotten. They and my father were also very good at protecting me from the world and taking care of everyday things for me.

Pleeeeeeeze...hell, no, let's not abolish the women's discussion! I LOVE that you have one! I am new here, but it seems to me that maybe it's because the women's discussion has awesome content so everyone wants to participate?

My mother is a wonderful person; however, she does not understand that her critical attitude towards women is a manifestation of internalized oppression and therefore it is hard for me to hear her criticize woman, which, unfortunately, seems to be one of her favorite obsessions (besides hoarding).

I explained to her that I have researched AS and taken the MMPI, and told her about some of the AS things me, my brothers, and son do, but she can't see how it relates to her. Sooooo, I decided it's no big deal--since she is 84 and she's managed to get by this long, why burden her? She seems to accept what I have to offer about me and my bros and son, which makes me happy enough.

On the other hand, she is VERY hard to live with. Besides her hoarding, which is bad enough, she throws tantrums, has gotten really paranoid, and has damaged the realtionship between not only herself and my son but me and my son.

I think I have to ask her to move out, but it isn't going to be easy. In fact, even thinking about it is scary...eek!

I think that we should keep the Womens' Discussion thread up and going. Us womenfolk need a sancturary, as well.

no i dont get along with my mother she always yells at me no mater what i do but recently since we found out i have Asperger's she's been try to learn to understand me and im trying to learn to understand myself so shes been a great help with that

My mother and I have never had a relationship; in fact, she seemed to be warm and fuzzy to everyone else but me. Other people besides myself noticed it as well, so it wasn't just my perception. I always felt like I was in her way / a terrible burden; I'm an only child and apparently the splitting image of my father who's been missing for @ 22 years, now.

Part of me now wonders if she knew there was something different about me but didn't want to deal with it????

My mother was adopted from a baby and abused by her adoptive mother. She never spoke much of it, but I try to bear this in mind when I consider the legacy her behaviour has left me with. It was very much love/hate all the time. She could be wonderfully loving and close when I was a little girl...but as I got older and developed my own mind and personality, things got worse and worse and she became more and more controlling and critical. She places an immense amount of importance on material things and having the nicest house, nicest kids etc. And I could see it all, oddly for someone who believes themselves to have AS. I could see what she was doing and I hated it. She never had any friends to my recall, other than my father's business associates wives or my dad's secretaries. She did not like anyone else but herself being involved in my and my brother's upbringing. She would put me down terribly if I didn't achieve highly in school and reward me if I did. She would expect me to dress up all nicely if we went out to dinner, when I just wanted to be comfortable, and if I won on this, she would ignore me or glare at me for half the evening and make her anger known and I would do my best to ignore her in return.

Other times, if I talked back or said things she didnt like, she would ignore me and talk to my brother as if I did not exist and she had this amazingly cold and stilted voice she would use when displeased with me. It is odd I could pick up on that? I usually knew when she was angry from that voice. At times, she would scream at me and sometimes, hit me, though this was not often.

Everything had to be clean and perfect as if no one lived in the house and I was quite clumsy so if I spilt something, I would always get a lot of trouble and be called names. I recall being called 'useless', 'gormless', 'stupid' and being asked why I couldnt be more like my brother etc. All of this has left a mark that makes me very bitter towards her because it has left me with incredibly low self esteem. It is unfortunate that being AS does not equate to having no emotions and not feeling the pain of being called names and out down. I would say those who could be called such things yet feel nothing nor care would be more on the sociopathic end of the scale lol.

But I try my best now to get on with her. There is still glares and coldness if I visit her and say something she doesn't like, or don't smile or need certain things doing...for example, I cannot sleep without total darkness and her curtains are thin so I have to put something over them when I go there, and that gets bad reaction. I got used to being asked why I cant be normal, or act like other girls my age etc etc.

I love my mother, and I love her even more for her love for my kids. But we have never gotten along, probably never will. She is 110% feminine NT, chatty, gregarious ... if there's a pause in the conversation, she's blapping yap just to make noise. I get tired very easily around her. She is dealing with a lot of serious life issues, so I try to fake normalcy around her as best I can, but it can be hard, and I'm never quite good enough to satisfy her needs. We don't meet in person very often as we live far apart, that's probably for the best.