Scared and disgusted of pregnancy

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Maybe it helps you that i am also not in that "Babybabybaby" cuddle mood.

If your future husband leaves you because you are getting a child, that both of you wanted, i´d say be lucky to get these ass off so early. Better then instead of waiting 20 years until recognizing to be married with an idiot (Most men possess the secret knowledge that women get a belly when having a baby. So if he wishes to have a baby, but then starts running away screaming afraid of your belly, i´d call that an idiot.) an as*hole. And you will not look like a whale, you will look like a women with a huge belly, nothing more, nothing less. And until the last two months it wont be really big anyway.

Reading positive birth stories helped me a ton before I went into labor all three times. I refused to listen to all the negative stories when I was pregnant. I don't know why people think it's a great idea to share birth horror stories with pregnant women. I think it's rather sadistic to do something like that, to be honest.

I know too many women whose epidurals didn't work or only worked on one side or who had bad side effects to ever go that route... have you ever read the lists of potential side effects? Not something I'd be willing to risk, but I'm glad that those of you who had epidurals had good experiences!

That said, my babies were in good positions, I had good labor support, and my labors weren't bad at all (I know that's not the case for everyone) and it was really a pretty amazing experience all around. I was also at home so no bright lights, needles, or strangers walking in and out of my room. I would've had a harder time dealing with all of the hospital stuff during labor than I did with dealing with the labor itself. I doula for hospital births sometimes now so I have seen the difference. If I ever have to go into a hospital to have a baby, I'm going in because I need a c-section. Hospitals freak me out.

I understand where you're coming from MusicMama, but my experience was different and I'm sure it could have been avoided had I educated myself about what can go wrong. I really wish I had known more about the less desirable labours. I went to my ante-natal classes, where they spoke about all the different positions you could get into, the different pain reliefs you could be offered (or refuse), etc. There was nothing said about how it's likely to be for a fair number of us.

After the classes ended, I discovered at 34 weeks that I had group B strep and that I would be on an antibiotic drip during labour. I could live with that, other than the fact that I could not have a home birth. My waters broke, but I didn't go into labour. So, to prevent infection, I had to be induced straight away, instead of waiting the usual 24 hours. I did not know that an induced labour was more painful than a natural one - I hadn't been told at the class (they didn't even speak about induction) and I didn't seek out the knowledge either. I wasn't even warned at my last ante-natal appointment that my baby was lying in an awkward position. So, I went into labour thinking I'd be fine with my TENS machine. I'd no idea that it was going to be a much more painful experience than the average labour. I wish someone had told me, that way I would have been prepared and I would have had the opportunity to request an epidural earlier on. Instead, I only felt I needed it when I got to the pushing stage - I didn't even ask because I was well aware that it was too late (I knew all about the stages of labour). My daughter was delivered with forceps, in a emergency situation, purely because I was in so much pain that I could not push. At the class you're told that you can't do anything but push.

I truly believe that this could have been avoided had I known more. That said, if I had had a trouble free labour, maybe the info would have been unnecessary or frightening. However, it couldn't be any more frightening than what I endured.

Oh, I absolutely believe that women should be educated and given more information - and realistic information at that! That wasn't my point at all.

My point was that hearing horror stories doesn't help women become educated and is a horrible pasttime for people to indulge in when with pregnant women. Being given realistic information and help is why I always recommend that pregnant women hire a doula (whether or not it's me). Horror stories are almost never realistic or informational in my extremely extensive experience.

Having informational support, being realistically prepared, and having support during labor are all extremely important and it sounds like you didn't have those things. It maybe could have been different for you, but possibly not... there's no way to tell, unfortunately.

Also... 34 weeks is really early to get the GBS test. Usually women get it at 36 or 37 weeks along because it's less accurate the further the test is taken from the date of labor. You can be GBS positive at 34 (or even 37) weeks and be negative a couple weeks later when the baby is born.

i think traditional pregnancy literature and classes doesn't include enough information about what can potentially go wrong. most people may have "normal" births but those that don't have "normal" births will pretty much universally tell you that they didn't understand what could go wrong. education could definitely help.

on a different note, stories of pregnancy and birth are part of our cultural makeup and they are important for people to share and hear, and some of those stories will be bad ones. if a pregnant woman shouldn't listen to those, then she basically needs to go an entire pregnancy without listening to a single experienced person talk about how it went for them (just in case it's a "horror story"). and that would involve sheltering to a degree that they would have to avoid. she would have to close herself off from all media, other women who have had babies, pregnant women, fathers, etc. i'm afraid that difficult birth stories are pretty ubiquitous.

Realistic stories of difficult births are not what I would consider "horror" stories, FWIW, so we might be dealing with a difference of definition.

I don't think it should be on the pregnant woman to avoid birth stories. Not at all! I think it should be on the more experienced mothers to not sensationalize their births.

I've worked with a great many pregnant women and I can tell you, without any uncertainty, that birth horror stories do not help the vast majority of pregnant women. Quite the contrary, in fact.

Our culture surrounding birth is horrific, IMO. It's not realistic, it's not helpful, it's scary. I really think that needs to change.

i guess i don't really know the difference. i support a woman's decision to deliver her own birth story in whatever way she deems appropriate. i don't think most people are particularly impartial in their storytelling, but that also goes for the legions of people who say, "oh i sneezed and there was my baby. i really didn't even feel anything teeheehee!! !" so it makes no sense to censor one type of story while pretending that other stories are even slightly accurate.

I've never heard the latter sort of story... but I'll take your word for it that those happen too and I agree that those wouldn't be helpful either.

It's not so much censoring... it's more that I think women need to consider how helpful what they're saying will be to the pregnant woman they're talking to.

I heard so many, "Birth is the MOST PAINFUL HORRIFIC AWFUL THING EVER and you're going to want an epidural at 2cm!! !!" stories that were just not helpful at all and I refused to listen to those while pregnant. Why should I? There was no information in those sorts of stories and often the horror stories weren't just about that woman's birth, they were about what my birth was certain to be like based on what that woman experienced.

I would take equal exception if someone said something like, "My birth wasn't painful at all and so yours won't be either!! !!" That doesn't give any useful information either and is also projecting onto the other woman's possible birth.

I, being a midwifery student, know why my births were easier than most - good baby positioning, good support, lots of knowledge, comfortable location (for me - not all women are comfortable giving birth at home and others should NOT give birth at home for medical reasons), etc. So I can help other women figure out how to maximize their chances of having those things to hopefully have an easier labor (those things don't always happen, nor do they *ensure* an easy labor, but increasing odds is always a nice thing) while also preparing them for the fact that giving birth is also one of the hardest things they're ever going to do regardless.

Sure, say that your (general "your") birth was difficult, that you worked really hard, that it was painful as hell (or just the opposite), but I take issue when women who've had bad (or good) experiences assume that everyone else's will as well and tell new moms that it's always a horrible (or an orgasmic) thing. It doesn't always have to be painful, though it often is. Sometimes it's painful and awful even with all the information and support in the world, but usually information and support help a great deal.

There are no guarantees in birth (except that the baby will come out one way or another), but our society (IME) really tries to make women believe that a horrible experience is almost a guarantee and it's really not. It's a possibility, yes, one that women should be prepared for, but it's also difficult to find anything to counter that pervasive idea and it's difficult to find good information in order to even make an informed decision about childbirth.

Again, why I think every pregnant woman should have a doula - someone who can help her find information and support her through whatever her decisions might happen to be.

One could always get injections for birth control of have her partner get a vasectomy. I myself might do so but only after I have 2 kids however that is up to her not me I am just a guy so I will never be able to understand I try though.

People, PLEASE! Especially those who already have experience with childbirth. Can´t you remember what this topic was originally about? It was about a person (me) who is PHOBICALLY AFRAID OF PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH. You are not exactly HELPING ME when you keep on talking how bad your childbirth experience was and how it broke your hip bones or other bones, and stories like that! Do you think that I feel more sure about having a baby right now?

Pregnancy is a natural thing and although I am a guy and may not completly understand no matter how hard I try at least I try, the thing is you have little to worry about when you get to the point of childbirth everything will be alright and the doctors will provide painkillers etc so youl be fine you may feel sore and exhausted afterwards but you will be a mother!