Is It a Good Idea for Autistics to Be Parents?

Post Reply New Topic

Definitely give breast feeding a try then! Besides all the health benefits, it causes the moms to have a higher level of oxytocin which has a calming effect. I could tell the difference when nursing my kids. I have 3, and yes I have my meltdowns and moments where I have to lock myself in the bathroom for a bit to regain some sanity, but overall I love being a mom! I don't think there is any right answer that fits everyone, but I think many Aspies are awesome parents.

Im glad to find this thread. Its the question i wanted to ask with responses already.

Im under a lot of pressure, from my mom, to give her a grandkid. Ive put it off for about 10 years now, but I think its almost time. Im just worried about skin sensitivity and breastfeeding. I can barely let the husband fiddle with my nipples, how the heck am i going to be able to let someone suck on em on a daily basis? Also worried about the meltdowns and solo time needed. I think that would work out okay because with mom living nearby and eagerly awaiting a baby, I can drop it off if I or the husband need a break.

I feel a lot more confident now that Im not going to be a terrible mom due to my special needs

Stryla, besides "my mother wants it", do you have any reasons for wanting a child? You shouldn't take on such a huge, decades-long responsibility for the sake of making someone else happy; you should do it because it's what you want.

For years, ive felt that, if i dont have a kid, that im going to regret not having that experience when im old. I have a 5 year old nephew and I enjoy teaching him and watching him learn, I dont like most people's kids so that was another reason why i was hesitant, but if I can find one kid i like, there is a good chance that i could like my own. Plus the husband wants one or two, and im finally to the point in life where the idea only terrifies me most of the time, not all of the time.

It will be at least another 9 months before we even get started trying, and my lovely AS brain is already researching best practices. And one of my huge fears "Can I give the child enough attention and meet my AS needs", being answered by several people as, yes its possible, was amazingly reassuring.

I'm so jealous of you all being in a happy relationship thinking about having kids.

For me, I know I want to have kids but I'm afraid I'm going to stay single for ever

I have a daughter and other people call me an excellent mum. I'm not very good with other people's kids, they make me feel awkward, but I'm fine with my own.

You are young. You have time to work on this. If you want children, set goals for yourself (such as working on meltdowns) and enter some sort of therapy. Share your goals with your therapist, and tell him or her why--s/he may be able to help you set other goals to help you become the parent you want to be.

Plenty of NTs are sorry excuses for parents. Do not think that NT always = excellent parent while non-NT necessarily = poor parent. Having love in your heart and knowing how to put others first when necessary are, IMO, the top two skills a parent should possess. Do you have those traits? Then you have the potential to be a good parent.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but my family has been stunned at the obvious love I have for my child. I do not have a history of expressing my feelings in typical ways, but I cannot hug her enough. I cry a bit over her newborn photos. My aunt, with whom I lived for a time, recently exclaimed, "You are being emotional!" I suppose they presumed I was some sort of cold, distant ice queen and did not expect a child to melt my frosty heart.

I had a baby at 21 and was pressured into giving him up for adoption. It was the WORST thing that ever happened to me, and if I could turn back time I would have tried harder to keep him with me. I had another baby who I chose to raise and wasn't letting go of. If you ever have kids be prepared for slimy suits and ties ordering you around because apparently they have all the knowledge in the world up their asses because they have read a few text books. People often do not approve of AS people becoming parents. Am I a good Mum? Only time will tell and that's a question I will have to ask my daughter in a few years.

I am very pro breastfeeding, it's just the coolest thing ever. You don't even have to get out of bed and it's free

I remember watching my brother or my parents prepare a bottle for his son and it looked like a nuisance, I was so glad I was breastfeeding. All I had to do was wake up and pop a nipple in his mouth and go back to sleep. My son slept with my nipples in his mouth all the time. Now he is weaned and he weaned himself. He wanted it less and less and then he was away and then didn't want it. He also did fine without the boobs when he would be away. Then he would come home and nurse and then when he was away for a month, he didn't want to nurse.

I am speaking/writing as a possible aspie mother to a definitely aspie 9 year old boy.

It has not been plain sailing, BUT I had him at age 22 and based all my parenting views on adverts and magazines (my own experience of being parented was nothing to go on). I did not know myself at all and found myself not living up to my idealised idea of what being a parent was. I made many mistakes. I thought I didn't love him. I thought he didn't love me. I went back to work when he was tiny due to pressure from his father. I became depressed, which had a far bigger affect than any basic neurological differences.

* Believe in yourself and have confidence in your abilities and you will be fine. Be ready to learn but learn how to follow your own logic and heart. *

In the end it wasn't the parenting I found difficult. He was an easy baby, his way made sense to me and still does. What I have found terribly difficult is the interaction with everyone else. From the health visitors/doctors/teachers to other parents and things like toddler groups and parties. None of that has worked out for me and I wish I had had the foresight to try and get support for times when I needed to advocate for my son. The playground politics are worse than office politics where I live as everyone is some sort of frustrated high achiever and is always trying to network. My kind of hell.

Oh, also my son is starting to ask me questions about other peoples' intentions and I am quite frankly having to wing it. I can see his teenage years will be confusing for both of us.

On the other hand I have managed to have an open dialogue with my little man and I think I am a far better parent than my mother. If he was ultra NT I'm not sure I would be saying the same thing, but then maybe he would have been more self-sufficient in these areas.

I think you can still be a good parent. I don't have children yet, but I want to when I'm older. I take care of preschoolers sometimes, I used to take care of my nephew a lot, and I also help take care of my mom's friend's 2-year-old grand daughter.

I never did like kids much. I don't know what to do with them. I never really wanted kids either, but now that I'm a mom I love it. It can be very tough, though. Sometimes I shut down and just can't respond empathetically and need to get away from the situation. My SO doesn't understand why I suddenly stop responding and go into my own head space when things are too much for me. I think sometimes I come off as cold, but I don't know what else to do in those moments. I still don't like kids, but I like my kid. Breastfeeding is wonderful and I still nurse my three year old. It's such a bonding experience.

The trouble with being a parent is that there are an infinite number of ways to do it wrong and not a single way to get it right:(

I don't reccomend it. I love my boys but I feel so guilty about all the ways I have failed them:(

I could have coped with life without them I think. With them I sort of held my breath and forced myself to carry on. Now they are all adult I am falling apart, and not from any sort of empty nest syndrome. I feel shell shocked.


In the throws of it I thought I was doing a good job. I tried so hard. I never did anything for myself. I took them out, I even home educated them, well the two yougnest anyway, eldest is severely autisitc and had to go to boarding school when he was 14 as he was attacking all of us. That broke my heart. He is now the best off of all of us, happiest certainly. My youngest is aspie too and we have been a fantastic match but he should have had help that I couldn't get him cos I can't talk to people and now he has been turned down for Uni despite getting perfect marks in his Btec, whihc he took as he has dyspraxia and can't do written exams. He is going into frequent meltdowns and its all my fault:( And ms is miserable too, he is at Uni but is messing it up badly, not sleeping, getting into too much debt, not getting on with housemates, not getting work done, stressing and I can't even talk to him because I'm afraid of his temper and am phobic about phones and can't cope with driving anymore.