Very Indelicate Question for Ladies (Adult Content)

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Hey, I'm sorry... I just can't get enough. Everything reminds me. My hubby calls me his cougar which I did not know what that meant until he told me. ( That means an older woman, in case you didn't know either). I'm 52 and apparently don't look it. I pull him into precarious situations (conference rooms that aren't used when we are vacationing, our barn in the back, an airport terminal ally to the parking lot. It is really fun and I don't care what people think. We have never been interrupted yet and that is good because he is more cautious than me and it could put a halt to the fun. Perhaps try something like that if you the chance. It's really fun! Am I odd in THIS category too? I was wondering if I was.

I just.... why would you even.... this just sounds so.... he sounds self-absorbed and unappreciative.
If he's calling your marriage sexless despite all of this effort, then perhaps you ought to show him what a sexless marriage is REALLY like.
I mean really... that's just plain mean of him to say that when you're going to all this effort even though you don't even want to be having sex.

I don't really know what to think/say about the wisdom of "faking it"... I HATED sex for my whole first marriage but he had a high sex drive and was very aggressive/demanding so I got used to faking it (including climax) until things really started to fall apart, when I gave up the pretense and was a "dead fish". The whole thing made me absolutely miserable-- but that relationship was awful and doomed regardless, so maybe if it was with someone worth the trouble I wouldn't have minded as much. It's your relationship, do what ya gotta do if you think it will make you both happy.

Anyway, this is probably the nerdiest thing anyone has ever said about sex, but what about an algorithm? That is, a non-linear pattern that you didn't disclose, which would let you privately keep track of scheduled times, without it being predictable to him-- you could calculate a months worth of dates and then set an alarm on your phone/computer maybe? To be easiest, you could find an online randomizer utility and set the parameters to an acceptable range of intervals-- for example, between 2 and 5 days or something? Or write an equation that was based on data that already vary, so it would never be predictable. Such as the date of the month minus the number of the month (e.g. 07 for July), divided by two if it's more than seven (varied to meet your needs of course.) Hope this helps.

Just bear in mind that if you deceive a partner by faking sexual enjoyment and satisfaction, then you're likely to give them the idea that you're perfectly happy with a mediocre, half-assed and/or one-sided sexual experience.... which is unlikely to motivate them to ensure that you're genuinely enjoying yourself and satisfied with the experience.

After all, that's surely the whole point of faking it.... to make the partner overly complacent about their sexual activity, by pretending to be happy with an experience which could clearly use some improvement.... rather than expecting them to step up their efforts in order to make sexual activity desirable for both of you.

My first reaction to your question is to be baffled. I don't mean to be insensitive, that's just my initial reaction. I don't have to remind myself. I don't have to bring myself to do it, or schedule time out of my week. I have an active libido. We voluntarily decide to of our own volition several times a week, sometimes more than once a day. I suppose you could make a little mark on your calender or decide, "Because it's Wednesday."

Fair enough.

I do wish that less people would pretend that all guys needs to do is sling the metaphorical sausage in and out in order to give a woman shuddering orgasms though, to be honest.... it tends to set unrealistic expectations for any more honest women who those guys meet at a later time, which isn't really fair at all.

If a woman can usually orgasm (just not through intercourse alone) then that's completely normal, and the guys who she's with should really come to terms with that.

For comparison, imagine if lots of women had the notion that all it takes for a guy to orgasm is to have a play with our boobs, because boobs are just SO awesome...
How would guys respond to that ?
Do you think that droves of men would pretend to have an orgasm, just to save such womens' fragile egos ?
Or would the typical response be more like "Playing with boobs is nice, but I'm not likely to ever orgasm from just doing that. If you do X then I'd be likely to orgasm, though... "
If a woman with that sort of attitude walked out on a guy because he refused to behave as though he orgasmed whenever he played with her boobs, do you think he would care very much ?

It's just something to think about.

I can relate to needing to remember to have sex. We both have AS and do not have sex much. 2 kids and a busy life and even though I am hyper sexual sadly he is not. So I've just resorted to fantasy, masterbation and the random sex we have every few months. I know doing it more often would be good for our relationship. But I'm tired. The kids tire me out. Sex goes on the back burner.

I don't have any wisdom or sufficient experence to add much to the conversation in general.

But to answer the orginal question, how to remind yourself. Perhaps something on your dutchess, a figurene fore example. Turn it a particular direction in the morning when your getting dressed. That night, the direction of the figurene will remind you that, Oh, tonight is hot love night. Any morning your not feeling well, turn it back to the neutral direction.

I was thinking dice and small markes on a callander. But that is way too clinical and not at all allowing for your own (and husband's) moods.

I can't help but think that vitamins, exersize, or perhaps a dedicated prescription drug may be the better answer.

My BF has a lower sex drive than I do, so it is not a problem.

it depends on how many years of marriage have passed

initially in new marriage the sex is like twice a day to thrice a week.

over the years the frequency has to decrease.

i dont think anything is wrong with you as such. its natural

so twice a week or once a week is ok