Any female Aspies decided that motherhood is not for them?

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Not to be rude, but screw the human species. I'm not ruining my life for the continuation of something that I won't be around to see after I die.

That's great! I'm so using that.

You have to remember, most of us here are autistic, and already that impacts on our quality of life.
Some of us would be incapable of raising a child and caring for it.

And for some of us here, although we may be capable of raising a child - it would likely impact our quality of life negatively quite dramatically. Especially for those of us who have enough trouble keeping jobs, maintaining some kind of social network for support, and maintaining an intimate relationship - a child would either make those issues exponentially worse or more stressful - or could be the straw that breaks the camels back (so to speak).

There are also some of us here who have more than one condition, as well as autism. Some of those many be mental, or they may be medical, but in some cases - certain people who have multiple genetic conditions, and who are aware of their conditions, may consider passing them on to another human being knowingly, to be unethical.

Edited: And all of this is without taking into account that the guy will probably leave, leaving us to do everything by ourselves. Statistically speaking, that is the most likely outcome. Once you take that into account, that you cannot depend on the father, either to be present in the childs life, to parent it, and to help provide financially for it - the situation obviously gets much worse.

Last edited by Kjas on 19 May 2013, 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, exactly this.
All of that except the last paragraph applies to me.

What Kjas said.

Me too! Thanks ladies.

Would it be that bad a thing if the human species went extinct through non-breeding (I don't mean mass catastrophe, I mean a Voluntary Extinction type situation)? I don't support the voluntary human extinction movement, but I can understand it.

Anyway, my sister is genetically quite similar to me (without the bad bits) so 'my' genes won't really die out if she has kids.

I just know living beings who behave that way when it comes to reproduction are selected against, in favor of those who don’t stop to think whether it’s good or bad for them to reproduce. I wouldn’t like people to have made that decision centuries ago, so I’d have never existed, even if I think my life sucks (it could also be much worse).

But this is sort of a moot point, because people won’t go extinct this way in the foreseeable future. What will happen is that there’ll be less and less people like you. Someone mentioned in another thread the fraction of aspie women who marry and have kids is much lower than that of aspie men, despite having significantly less trouble getting relationships or sex in the first place. It’s clear you, on the whole, are letting yourselves be wiped out.

Judging by your answers, I’m sorry if it looked like I was trying to force my ideas onto you all. I’ve just come to think some of you are very interesting, and can’t say I’m glad that a few centuries from now, there may be no more women who think, feel, behave and communicate in the unique way you seem to do, and which seems to match so well on some levels with that of aspie men, even with all our differences. I also don’t like the feeling that perhaps intelligence in women is being selected against.

In short, it was intended as a compliment, and probably a lame one at that, but this is what I really think.

Spiderpig, may I ask where you are from? (I'm trying to figure out any cultural biases playing into this conversation)

The reality in general is that intelligence in humans is selected against on the basis of individuals. Past a certain point necessary, being too intelligent can actually be a handicap in evolutionary terms. It has always been this way. We evolve to be smarter slowly, but only for the average intelligence of the group in general, not necessarily specific individuals. When speaking of a specific individual, they often choose to select themselves out for logical and practical reasons, or simply by not finding someone they want to be with within the time frame necessary - and sometimes other people make it impossible for them too. This is the case for both men and women.

I do not think you should worry about us being wiped out. We have managed to exist for the last 200, 000 years, so I don't think we will be going anywhere soon. I understand it was said with good intentions, and I do understand your point - I know men I feel the same way about, that it would be a shame for them never to be husbands or fathers. But it's very easy to ignore the individual and their quality of life, when one takes such a long term view on things.

Last edited by Kjas on 21 May 2013, 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Even though I really didn't want kids I was pressured to do it for years until I said ok. I have a one year old now who is precious to me but I don't feel all that sappy crap people say motherhood is about. I feel like everything about pregnancy and babies was all lies. I resent it and it has caused my marriage significant trouble. If you think you don't want them, don't let others pressure you. I love my baby very much but I wasn't the best person for the job. I should have left my husband before all this. I dislike the motherhood thing as much as I did before.

Hm … haven’t I given enough clues yet—both intentionally and otherwise?



What kind of cultural biases?

Well, I doubt they’re much of a factor, ’cause I don’t even know what anybody I can meet in real life thinks about these matters.



Indeed, but I didn’t mean to disregard that—it’s simply up to you.

I would love to have children someday, but I don't know how well I would be able to take care of them, and I don't know if anyone would ever want to marry me and have kids with me. I know I'm only 15, but I've been thinking about these things for a long time.

I was thinking more about this thread and thought about how in my family on both sides we have a history of mothers abandoning their children for three generations. I used to think that was terrible until I had a child. Now, sadly, I understand. Like I said earlier, to whoever might read my posts, if you feel strongly that you don't want a baby, at least you've heard my un-candy coated version. Don't let anyone ever pressure you into it.

I am terribly frightened of being a mother, even if I saw a purpose to it. I don't enjoy the company of children, their crying is a sensory nightmare, and I don't consider myself high-functioning enough to keep additional persons physically and mentally healthy for more than a few days. But I've accepted that I could conceive some despite my best efforts, whether from contraceptive failure in a relationship or just from some psycho raping me on the street. I've started to consider my options for how to keep my hypothetical progeny from dying of abuse (if they got adopted) or neglect (if I had to raise them myself). It's probably good to aim for the sort of spouse who could manage childcare duties on his own if needed--though I'd feel lucky just to have a spouse at all. Or suppose I had an open adoption so I could still see how the kids were being treated, and tried to find high-functioning Aspie adoptive parents who were at peace with non-neurotypical behavior, and threatened them with mafia involvement if they thought of harming my little prince(ss)...?
Of course, it doesn't help that my in-case-of-lottery-winning-or-equivalent dreams involve a nomadic lifestyle spanning the entire globe, from the trendiest cities to the harshest wildernesses to the scariest dictatorships. Poor hypothetical future kids.
I've also considered sterilization, but the possibility of side effects worries me.

I know a few people who don't understand my concerns, but as far as I know that's just their quirky little subculture. Not to diss their subculture; its own children seem to turn out very emotionally healthy.
My own mother always says, "It's probably a bad idea to have kids this late in human history. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and the younger ones will have it worse." I have no way of knowing how late in human history we really are, but it's nice she's supportive.

please don´t abandon your child

I wouldn't - he's my responsibility and very special to me, it has been extremely difficult though and I've had post partum depression in addition to my marriage almost falling apart. My only point is that I have more insight into why so many of my fore-mothers have left and that if you don't want them already that in having them you're starting out at a disadvantage on what will be a challenging experience. When I've been my most depressed he has been my reason to live and stay healthy so I can be there for him as long as possible.