10 Mar 2015, 5:46 am
10 Mar 2015, 5:59 am
10 Mar 2015, 6:07 am
AspieOtaku wrote:
Amity wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Bottling up emotions is not healthy but necessary because the majority of women don't want an emotional wreck because an emotional wreck means a weak man and instability! Our unhealthy emotional damage is beneficial for the woman!
Are you living your life and trivialising your emotional well-being for what you think a potential partner might desire in a man and what type of partner are you hoping to attract with that ethos? To me that is living an unauthentic life, ignoring your actual needs as a human, and prioritising the imagined desires of an as yet non existent person, over your own health.
Vulnerability does not equate to an emotional wreck, you have formed an extreme interpretation.
@Concrete, Now to me that seems like a privately healthy reaction. Blocking emotions is something I think I have done in the past, because I did not know how to deal with them. I agree about gender being a spectrum, and that everyone contains feminine and masculine energy/traits. I like to balance mine through meditation, which serves as an outlet for a part of me that I try to embrace, rather than suppress.
Perhaps there is hope for you yet...
I could write that same sentence but replace 'her' with 'him', I think the key issue is fears, being imprisoned by them, or being brave enough to face them, dissect their validity, and challenge the primal part of us with our reasoning abilities. Look I know you got hurt, I understand, I really do. I'm going to live my life in full regardless of past negative experiences, I have a lot of work to do though but I'll do it for me, my well-being, and not for the 'next relationship'.
Life is short, and I don't want to live mine under the control of my rational/rational fears.
10 Mar 2015, 6:29 am
Amity wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Amity wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Bottling up emotions is not healthy but necessary because the majority of women don't want an emotional wreck because an emotional wreck means a weak man and instability! Our unhealthy emotional damage is beneficial for the woman!
Are you living your life and trivialising your emotional well-being for what you think a potential partner might desire in a man and what type of partner are you hoping to attract with that ethos? To me that is living an unauthentic life, ignoring your actual needs as a human, and prioritising the imagined desires of an as yet non existent person, over your own health.
Vulnerability does not equate to an emotional wreck, you have formed an extreme interpretation.
@Concrete, Now to me that seems like a privately healthy reaction. Blocking emotions is something I think I have done in the past, because I did not know how to deal with them. I agree about gender being a spectrum, and that everyone contains feminine and masculine energy/traits. I like to balance mine through meditation, which serves as an outlet for a part of me that I try to embrace, rather than suppress.
Perhaps there is hope for you yet...
I could write that same sentence but replace 'her' with 'him', I think the key issue is fears, being imprisoned by them, or being brave enough to face them, dissect their validity, and challenge the primal part of us with our reasoning abilities. Look I know you got hurt, I understand, I really do. I'm going to live my life in full regardless of past negative experiences, I have a lot of work to do though but I'll do it for me, my well-being, and not for the 'next relationship'.
Life is short, and I don't want to live mine under the control of my rational/rational fears.
Well put Amity, i was hurt from a relationship, cheated on, and lots of things. I vowed to not let myself be vulnerable, and carried it into my next relationship. I hid under emotional detachment, i thought it was for the best and even desirable. It just meant, however, that i couldn't connect, and as my imagined shield slipped over the two years together, i realised i wasn't actually happy with this person, and i didn't even properly realise this. My goal i thought was to avoid vulnerability, but really it was to avoid being rejected in another relationship. I denied myself the ability to connect to my feelings, and limited the chance of happiness with someone, as i was too disconnected to know how i properly felt with this person. I have learned that feelings are for me, i may share my feelings, but they do not depend on that acceptance of others. I now try to accept my feelings, and when they get hurt, try and accept the pain, as without them i dont know what i want, and sadness accepted, can be preferable to nothingness.
10 Mar 2015, 6:35 am
10 Mar 2015, 4:23 pm
10 Mar 2015, 4:52 pm
Amity wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Amity wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Bottling up emotions is not healthy but necessary because the majority of women don't want an emotional wreck because an emotional wreck means a weak man and instability! Our unhealthy emotional damage is beneficial for the woman!
Are you living your life and trivialising your emotional well-being for what you think a potential partner might desire in a man and what type of partner are you hoping to attract with that ethos? To me that is living an unauthentic life, ignoring your actual needs as a human, and prioritising the imagined desires of an as yet non existent person, over your own health.
Vulnerability does not equate to an emotional wreck, you have formed an extreme interpretation.
@Concrete, Now to me that seems like a privately healthy reaction. Blocking emotions is something I think I have done in the past, because I did not know how to deal with them. I agree about gender being a spectrum, and that everyone contains feminine and masculine energy/traits. I like to balance mine through meditation, which serves as an outlet for a part of me that I try to embrace, rather than suppress.
Perhaps there is hope for you yet...
I could write that same sentence but replace 'her' with 'him', I think the key issue is fears, being imprisoned by them, or being brave enough to face them, dissect their validity, and challenge the primal part of us with our reasoning abilities. Look I know you got hurt, I understand, I really do. I'm going to live my life in full regardless of past negative experiences, I have a lot of work to do though but I'll do it for me, my well-being, and not for the 'next relationship'.
Life is short, and I don't want to live mine under the control of my rational/rational fears.
11 Mar 2015, 12:50 am
11 Mar 2015, 1:03 am
11 Mar 2015, 1:33 am
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas
11 Mar 2015, 1:38 am
AspieOtaku wrote:
I am a man I have feelings and have a soft side,I cry I want to snuggle and nurture and want to be nurtured back which I have lacked for many years and I miss it! *hides as he wipes his tears*
it's a mean ol' world us humans have created, idn't it? 
11 Mar 2015, 1:49 am
auntblabby wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I am a man I have feelings and have a soft side,I cry I want to snuggle and nurture and want to be nurtured back which I have lacked for many years and I miss it! *hides as he wipes his tears*
it's a mean ol' world us humans have created, idn't it? auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas
11 Mar 2015, 2:04 am
AspieOtaku wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I am a man I have feelings and have a soft side,I cry I want to snuggle and nurture and want to be nurtured back which I have lacked for many years and I miss it! *hides as he wipes his tears*
it's a mean ol' world us humans have created, idn't it? but if you conform to that societal expectation you are giving in to an evil. "be in this world but be not of it." IOW "be who you REALLY are and say what you REALLY feel, because the people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind DON'T matter." be kind, above all, as much as you can muster. be better than the bad people. if you do this you will be the strong one, independent of others' opinions and in control of your own ethics. worry not what other people think, worry about what YOU think.
11 Mar 2015, 2:10 am
auntblabby wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I am a man I have feelings and have a soft side,I cry I want to snuggle and nurture and want to be nurtured back which I have lacked for many years and I miss it! *hides as he wipes his tears*
it's a mean ol' world us humans have created, idn't it? but if you conform to that societal expectation you are giving in to an evil. "be in this world but be not of it." IOW "be who you REALLY are and say what you REALLY feel, because the people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind DON'T matter." be kind, above all, as much as you can muster. be better than the bad people. if you do this you will be the strong one, independent of others' opinions and in control of your own ethics. worry not what other people think, worry about what YOU think.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas
11 Mar 2015, 2:12 am
11 Mar 2015, 2:23 am
