Is it common for women with AS to get taken advantage of?

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It only proves that she is desirable to predators, and all that does is make you wonder what you are doing, what you are saying or what it is about you that they are picking up on that lets them know you are vulnerable and how are you supposed to learn how to hide that if it is something in your autism that you can't mask? You guys here minimizing the rape and abuse of women is the real problem on this forum.

THE EXACT SAME THING IS TRUE FOR WOMEN WITH AUTISM!! !! ! Seriously, being young and cute might get a guy be willing to talk to you for five minutes or even get you a first date, but it won't take long for him to notice how "off" you are and run in the other direction, no matter what you look like, because autistic awkwardness makes ALL NTs UNCOMFORTABLE, INCLUDING NT MEN.

STOP MINIMISING THE PROBLEMS THAT WOMEN WITH AUTISM HAVE!! !!--WHICH ARE THE SAME f*****g PROBLEMS YOU GUYS HAVE, LIKE CONSTANT REJECTION AND JUDGEMENT FOR AWKWARDNESS WE CAN'T HELP.

That is not what Yigeren is doing. She is simply able to see the issues that men have/Spiderpig has expressed, IN ADDITION TO the things that she and other women have experienced, and she, clearly, has the ability to empathize with Spiderpig and the issues that he and other men have had to contend with. I have the same mindset as Yigeren. I could be wrong, so, please feel free to tell me if I am, but, it seems as though you equate women who see both, men and women as equals, or, equally deserving of respect and empathy, with women who "minimize problems that women with Autism have". But, that is not the case, at all. We can separate the two. They are completely separate entities.

When I started going on dating sites, I read articles on the sites about dangerous situation & being con, I copy it & put it in my email account to remember. I did remember it & I did talk to guys on there that might of turn dangerous, I got out of it by lying, I told them I was moving or I have a jealous boyfriend, it worked. When I went to a hang out place, a guy tried to pick me up, I didn't know what he wanted, I was slow at learning what he wanted, he wanted sex when I figured it out, I got out it.

I am able to empathise with men with autism because I have the same social challenges that they have. I wish they would try to empathise with me and realise that I have the same challenges as them, and being female doesn't somehow negate being autistic or make being autistic any easier.

That is correct. I can also sense a real animosity between aspie men and women which doesn't entirely make sense to me.

Some men seem to be resentful of aspie women because they themselves have suffered rejection from women in many cases for perhaps most of their lives. I'm sure they feel angry and hurt. I do understand that. Perhaps they feel women have it better because it's generally easier for women to find a man that is willing to give them the time of day.

Aspie women don't like this attitude because they experience serious issues themselves when it comes to dating and men, and feel the men don't truly understand and minimize their issues.

I think both sides have a tendency to minimize the problems of the other. They believe the other side has it better and couldn't possibly understand their problems.

I think this is a really unproductive and unhealthy mindset. I really believe that both men and women on the spectrum can have serious problems with dating and sex. They may not be exactly the same, but they are still important.

And, yes, being able to find a guy that only wants to have sex with you isn't usually what women have in mind when it comes to dating. I was really upset when I realized that guy didn't like me or want to be my friend. He only wanted to use me and it didn't matter to him if I didn't want to.

But I really hate all this arguing because I can see the points of both sides and it just seems pointless to argue about. We should respect each other and each other's problems.

I am apprehensive about contributing to these discussion. The level of animosity between women and men confuses me and conversations tend to end badly. There is real pain that needs to expressed. And it comes out in waves of anger and hate.

In some ways, we are opposite sides of the same coin. Misunderstanding a persons' intentions has different consequences for us. Being slow to shoot an arrow means you go home hungry. Being slow to avoid the arrow means you get hurt.

I was taught that "No, means no". Sex is an expression of love between consenting adults in a committed relationship. This puts me in the nice guy camp. We hang out and tell stories about the women that just want to be friends. All the time hoping that we can be the next Don Juan.

Predatory behavior is difficult for me to understand and makes me vulnerable. People take advantage of me. But, I do not get assaulted for being friendly. Getting assaulted is just wrong and in our world way too frequent. All you need to do is read about the civil wars raging across this place we call home.

I definitely see the animosity between men and women on here and I have no desire to participate in it myself.

I don't hate men. I don't think men are the "bad guys". Men are more aggressive on average and have a greater tendency to commit violent crimes or sex crimes, but that doesn't mean women are all peaceful, superior, enlightened beings either. Men's tendency to be more aggressive has a lot to do with testosterone and they evolved that way for a reason.

I've been victimized by women, too, just in different ways. Mostly "mean girl" type bullying. Women can be quite nasty.

This isn't nice to say, but I think most people are just selfish and bad in general.

most people are doing the best they can at the moment. yes, everyone is selfish., but doing good things for others can make someone feel good, so there can be a win-win. people who know this and act like this are the best people.

I too don't understand the animosity. There are good and bad men out there; there are good and bad women. It is harder for aspies to navigate romance in general; because we all have difficulties with social cues and reading people. It goes with the territory, people. I am happily married but i don't feel that should make me the recipient of envy or it be automatically assumed that i don't understand the problem of loneliness. Hubby and i both have our times of loneliness and misunderstanding each other. Marriage doesn't solve all problems of loneliness--it is well worth our time and effort but creates new challenges too, that are not shared by single folks. I feel compassion for each set of problems although they are different in nature.

The golden rule still works. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Just plain kindness. And doing our best to understand, even though we make mistakes at times, goes a long way. And not being too stubborn to apologize if we are in the wrong.

I know everyone is selfish to an extent. We just couldn't function otherwise.

I always try to do what I think is the right thing. Usually I base it on logic or my knowledge of ethics. I don't do it because I want recognition, and I don't do it because I'm afraid of God (I'm agnostic). I just do what I think is right, and try to help people.

It seems to me that many people who claim to care about others have ulterior motives. They want recognition, they want to feel superior, they fear God, etc.

And I always try to be honest and true to myself, but most people lie. A lot. Especially to themselves. I don't get it.

I really wish people weren't like that.

Most rape and sexual assault happens between people who know each other, as friends, acquaintances, coworkers and so on. Stranger rape is not that common. Even if you had just met the person and had one conversation, that established a connection. When there is an existing connection, you probably have a reasonable expectation that the relationship will occur on those terms. Like if you discussed being friends and said you don't want anything more than that, and the other person agreed to it, that's a completely reasonable expectation. It's not stupid to expect that, it's rational.

If the other person hides their intentions, manipulates, withholds information, or just flat out loses control of themselves, they present irrational behavior. It doesn't match the information and expectations we already have, so it creates cognitive dissonance. It creates a mental and physical effect like being stunned or shocked. A truly predatory person can use that to their advantage to stun their victim.

I would speculate that the autistic mind may be more vulnerable to this effect. NTs are also susceptible to it. But the NT mind probably has more flexibility in learning to predict irrational behavior and changing their expectations of other people.

I believe the autistic mind tends to hold more to principles like honesty, fairness, equality, respect. In theory a woman should have the right to get drunk at a bar alone without being harassed, or go out alone at night, or do whatever she wants without anticipating assault. But for it to work, it means other people have to hold to those same principles, and unfortunately they may not. Sometimes our expectations of other people are rational and based in fairness, but also unrealistic.

Harassment isn't flattering, and it's not evidence of being desirable, or that the recipient of the harassment even did anything whatsoever to attract it, or that she "needs" to do something to stop it or prevent it. This kind of talk has a subtle way of shifting responsibility away from the person who is doing the harassment.

I'm afraid I have nothing to discuss with those who base their replies on personal attacks and making those they disagree with look bad, without bothering to address their points. This is what you did last time you replied to me somewhere, so I'd appreciate it if you ignored me. I've been ignoring you since then, and will keep doing it as long as you don't bring me up. Like you tell others, I'm not interested in speaking with you, thank you.

If you feel my post was a personal attack against you, you have every right to report it to the moderators.

Maybe not if you're already well aware that you are desirable and the losers who harass you desire you and can't have you. I thought saying harassed women need to defend themselves would be enough to make it clear I don't think being harassed is enjoyable.



Noöne would sexually harass you if they didn't find you sexually desirable, so it is evidence indeed. Perhaps this validation means nothing to you because you're used to having it all the time. You probably want love and some deeper connection, too, but---guess what?---those of us noöne finds sexually desirable want it, too. But, in addition to having the same trouble you may have getting it, we are also powerless to attract someone in the first place. If being harassed were, like you said, no evidence of being desirable, I'd be getting harassed, too, but I'm not.



And I didn't say anything of that sort.



There's nothing special about sexual harassment in this regard. You can control what you do, not what others do. Everyone is responsible for defending themself.



And yours has a not-so-subtle way to distort my words with gratuitous assumptions, apparently for the sake of making me look bad. I'd appreciate it if you stuck to what I actually said.