Unwanted attention from customers (Women Only)

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This is really sad. I've read about a lot of incidents like this. I never used to worry about this sort of thing, but I guess my job has changed my perspective on a lot of things. I look back on some of the things I did when I was younger, I was foolhardy, went places alone a lot and did things that could have gotten me raped or killed. I think there were some times I might have narrowly missed being assaulted but grace was on my side and I got away.

Maybe it's just my job environment but I feel like something has changed with how people act in public, or in general. They are more aggressive and act really entitled, as in the "how DARE you not say hello to me" kind of attitude, getting in my personal space and so on. It's certainly not the majority of people I encounter, just a few but they really stand out in a way they never used to. I think I wrote about this here before but last year had a customer (I mean the store's customer, not my customer) asking me to buy him a lottery ticket, and when I declined politely and turned to walk away he actually grabbed at me from behind to stop me. I think that was the turning point for me when I started feeling really creeped out by people approaching me. I sometimes have panhandlers coming up to my car window too, not often and at least with that I can predict where it is likely to happen. Anyway I just feel kind of like I could be attacked for refusing to give someone a dollar much less a date.

I don't know why these people seem to feel so entitled to have me give them something. Some days I feel like every time I turn around someone is asking for something, they want free product, they want me to chat with them, they want directions, they want to know how to get a job with my company (and funny how they don't seem to realize they're really asking if they can have MY job), they want money or a lottery ticket, they want to wash my car for a few bucks, they want to have lunch with me, it just goes on and on. I feel like everyone wants something. I have to say no constantly, it takes a ton of energy to do it politely, and I never know how people will react to hearing it.

Oh yeah one of my stores told me awhile back that a women who works there as a clerk was attacked by a customer. The first version they told me just sounded like they had an argument (which happens a lot because the customers in convenience stores are so damn rude and really talk down to the clerks and treat them horribly) and he came around behind the counter and hit her.

But later I heard a more detailed version of the story and turns out it was actually a sexual assault. Now of course I said how terrible and expressed my sympathies for the women. But the guy who was telling me about this blamed it all on *what she was wearing*. Now I don't know why it surprised me to hear that, but it did. And I wanted to say something to disagree with him, but I was just paralyzed speechless. And I guess I was staring in disbelief because he just kept repeating it, telling me emphatically how she was dressed like she was going to a club, as if it was some indisputable truth that women who dress like they are going to a club (whatever that means) are just inviting sexual assault.

I just felt paralyzed because I realized, I am standing here alone in this store talking to a guy who thinks that way, where a woman was already assaulted and the guy I am talking to doesn't even seem to think that was wrong. It was like my whole worldview suddenly shifted and although I have been visiting that store for years with no problems I felt like was no longer standing in a safe place. And I feel like that keeps happening more and more the longer I stay in this job, different things keep changing my perspective so I feel more creeped out by people.

This too is what I'm talking about, seeing more people acting like this in recent years. I just don't remember people acting like this over 15-20 years ago, taking such vehement offense to things. Seems like it started after 9/11?

The irony is the way that guy behaved really just proved the point, that he could be dangerous.

Alrighty, ladies. Don't you know that men have NO personal responsibility whatsoever, and if they attack a woman who is dressed like a slut, it's HER fault. I mean, how DARE she tempt men like that ? Have you ever come across a woman who is dressed in a long flowing garbs with everything (including her finger nails) covered, complaining about sexual advances, leave alone assaults ? Again, don't you know that men have ZERO self-control when it comes to scantily attired skanks like that ?

Do you know what's REALLY changed in the last several years and why there are more sexual assaults and batteries ? It's because women have become less modest and more slu*ty. We live in a day and age when we think that less is more in attire. And then we complain that we've receiving unwanted attention, and advances from the poor males when it's really our fault for attracting them in the first place with hardly anything on ! If you advertise your "wares" like that, you'd better not be complaining that people are examining them ! Do some research and you'll find that Pioneer women were rarely raped (outside of their marriages, of course). Or that Muslim women who cover themselves up from top to bottom never have to worry about random males coveting them lustily. Take a leaf out of these women's books, and you will be alright. But dress like a slut, and you just ask for it.

Extracted (without permission) from handouts in "Victim Blaming 101". Hoping that my Jasmine comes flying into this thread with her fiery commentary on this.

Oh, I had the ultimate instruction in victim blaming...I went to a private Christian school for 3 years where we were taught that it is a woman's own fault if she is raped. They said that if a woman dedicated her body to god then god would protect her so no one could rape her. And if someone tried to rape you, calling out "my body belongs to god!" would stop them.

Where is my Jasmine when you need her ? Probably busy arguing her passionate head off in the Politics or Current Affairs forums. Someone summon her here, please. We need to get her going in this 'ere thread, what with all this blasphemous atheism and blazing feminism running rampant in this discussion.

Listen, dianthus, it's YOUR fault. If God will protect your body, then you ask for God's protection. And God does not protect hussies and sluts. Stop flaunting your "goods" and no one will show any interest in examining them. Cover up or shut up. You women just don't get it, do you ?? ... GEEEZ.

Please tell me this post is supposed to be couched in sarcasm tags.

So are men not allowed to comment in posts about men's self control?

Please separate that post, since this is a women only thread, then I'd happily discuss it.

Moderating

Where did the missing posts go?

As indicated in the rules for this forum, people who identify as male are welcome to post here, but in threads tagged "women only" in the title, they may expect to have their contributions removed if they are reported and in the view of a responding moderator don't add some significant value to the discussion. Other off topic comments solely about such a post will also be removed to keep the thread on topic and comprehensible.

Please bear in mind that none of the other rules of WrongPlanet are relaxed or removed because a thread is in Women's Discussion and tagged "Women Only." In particular, attacks on protected groups, including any gender group, are prohibited.

Perhaps make it evident that you're a feminist or something. Most people don't know the real meaning of it, and it would scare off some men.

That, and being as blank and distant as possible, or just be boring and start ranting about a completely uninteresting topic. Making tone of voice flat helps.

Or being overwhelmingly self-concious and taking offense to everything, but make sure absolutely no-one else is around.

That's my girl, smudge !

Thank you.

Nobody said that all men are predators. Why do people have to keep spelling it out?

smudge, don't feed the trolls or respond to them. Just report their posts.

Victim blaming - by it's very nature - acknowledges that the perpetrator lacks the self-control to better handle his or her reactions to a highly provocative situation. So, when a person blames the woman for being a "scantily clad skank who asked to be raped", that acknowledges that the rapist did not possess the self-control to look the other way or control his reactions. It's not my problem if people don't get the issue with "Victim Blaming" addressed by me in a highly sarcastic manner, and get their panties in a wad. BOTH posts have been reported. I suggest that you (smudge, dianthus as the OP, OR anyone else perusing this thread) do the same if you also feel the same way.

IMO you're being a little obtrusive in this thread (and I think not keeping the guidelines of this particular forum--Women's Discussion--in mind). If you have a problem with the post contents or the thread tag, maybe discuss it with mods in PM or another thread.

Relevant to this thread: http://www.salon.com/2016/02/01/server_ ... socialflow

This is why I cherish my friendships with straight dudes who would never try to f**k me even if we are trashed, and is probably part of why I hang out with a lot of queer people.

Amen. There are, indeed, many "straight dudes" who would look at you like they would look at their sisters. But there will always be those fellows who look at you and let their minds wander into the septic tank. Regardless, I thought that the woman in that article took things far too personally and caused HERSELF considerable angst over some random moron's behaviour towards her. A drunk says that she is pretty, and she stews over it for hours on end because his intentions weren't exactly holy. That's OK, some men are dogs, but why put yourself through all that angst, sitting and stewing over how he just made her feel like a cheap piece of meat, while he's happily drunk and gone his merry way !

Some women really do it all to themselves. No men needed !