Are there aspie woman who love the freedom of being single?

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The more I read your excellent posts, Questor, the more convinced I am that you are my identical twin!

I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I very much want to be with someone. And it seems like whenever I DON'T, that's when I find someone. I think it's loneliness, which I always prided myself in not having. Guess it just happens as you get older... or not.

shrug

I can relate to this - the freedom to come and go as you please, explore places and even sit and eat on your own are things that many people just don't love. I travelled on my own round the world and it was great, the best bit was the 3 weeks I spent in New Zealand backpacking, after weeks of sitting on coach journeys with other backpackers and making small talk it was bliss to have a car to myself and to drive off into the middle of nowhere. For me I guess it boils down to the fact that being with somebody is always stressful even if it is very low level and being on my own the stress is just not there. On the other hand I did fall in love with somebody a few years ago and for the first time in my life didn't want to be on my own, even after a whole day teaching kids I would rather spend the evening with them, this was so unusual for me that's partly how I realised! On the other hand I would always choose being single over being with somebody just for the sake of it, mind you I am also pretty unusual so not many people want to go out with me anyway.

I would prefer companionship of some sort, but having previously been in an abusive relationship, I'm perfectly satisfied being single.

One question I get asked a lot is 'Don't you ever get lonely?' The frank truth is no. I do not recognise this concept because I am too much of a loner. I have actually been called 'aloof' and it's the biggest compliment one can pay me.

That will be the ideal relationship.

I avoid relationships because of the bad experiences I've had. Generally though if I could find a responsible mellow person that understands my Aspergers traits I'd rather be in a relationship than single. I'm more the giver type. I wanna make coffee for someone in the morning.

It would be nice to have a boyfriend, but school comes first right now. When I get around to that, I refuse to give up my independence. If I have to change my behavior for him, then he knows where the door is. Of course, bringing out the best in each other and pushing each other to become better people is a hallmark sign of a good relationship. I'm referring to things like not being allowed to travel because he doesn't want to, or not being allowed to go out with friends. I won't allow that kind of stuff to happen to me, and I won't do that kind of stuff to him.

I came across a well-circulated quote the other week stating that if you're single you only see couples, and if you're in a relationship you only see singles. Grass is always greener on the other side syndrome clearly, but I admit I'll probably continue to grizzle about being single and lonely as hell until my situation changes. That said if it does, I know what will happen: I'll want to be alone again as constant company drives me mad.
Can't win, but presently with my situation looking up, depression under absolute control, I am happier anyway, relationship status aside.

I enjoy living by myself. I rarely think about relationship and I am a career-driven person rather than family-oriented. Admittedly, I feel lonely at times, but I have a few friends who are also single like me. We hang out together sometimes.

I find it really, really annoying when I have aspie male friends HELL BENT on getting a girlfriend and they get themselves into tons of drama because they don't know how to differentiate between a good nice girl who won't use/manipulate/is crazy to someone who is just a decent well rounded person and then I have to like explain how mental they are behaving and trying to tell them that relationships are quite overrated just goes in one ear and out the other.
When it all goes wrong for them I'm just like "told ya I'd end up saying I told ya so." and they're all "WHY DO I NOT LISTEN TO YOU" so yeah... seen this happen with tons of male aspies idk why, my female aspie friend was just like "yep.. sperg males are just like that".

The whole thing completely baffles me.

But for me personally, I'm with a guy 6 years older than me and it's wonderful. I've learned a lot more from him than being with someone my age and it's helped me to mature a lot and stop being super cringe-worthy. Being autistic, you often don't notice when you are being really immature and cringe so my personality has changed a lot in terms of forming my personality into a more adult one so I can say a relationship has definitely helped me but it doesn't complete me as it shouldn't, I still want a new career for example.

Yes I do love the freedom of being single and would like to date, but since I've single most of my adult life, I'd prefer a steady boyfriend to being married. It is so much better to be single than in a bad relationship. In the past I was married 2.5 years and it was not a good relationship.

I prefer living alone!

- Most of the time I don't have to cater to the wants, needs, or demands of other people.
- I can't stand changes in plan, which other people always seem to want to spring on me.
- Most of the time I do what I want, when I want.
- Most of the time I dress to please myself when at home.
- Because of my chronic fatigue and Executive Function Disorder the place is never in mint condition, but since I live alone, it's not that big a deal.
- I have Aspergers, so I am not good at social stuff, so I can't stand being around people who want me to engage in social stuff.
- Can't stand being around relatives, as they have fed me a constant diet of criticism for over 5 & a half decades, but want me to engage in warm, fuzzy, social stuff with them. Even if I didn't have Aspergers, I wouldn't want to be social with someone who was always criticizing me. DUH! Unfortunately, these relatives see their criticism as "caring", when in fact doing it constantly is a hostile act. Telling them to stop the constant criticism doesn't work--I've tried.

I am so glad that I live alone, and never want to live with others again!! !

FREEDOM!! !

I love being single. Sometimes I think it'd be really nice to meet someone but then I remember past relationships where they couldn't handle my need for space, nor that I can't sleep next to anyone in a bed. They took it personally and caused drama.

I couldn't deal with another adult in my flat on a regular basis, I don't think.

When I'm single for quite some time I start thinking that I'd like to be in a relationship, but then if I'm in one, I often dream about having more alone time just for myself and my interests. Living with someone has always been an issue, I just didn't like it, I felt trapped in a way, like I lost my freedom. People expected too much attention from me, sometimes I preferred to sleep alone, eat alone... so I do like being in a relationship when I see somebody 2-3 times a week, can be 3 days in a row, but I need a break and most people don't understand it.
Ideally I could live next door to somebody or in a house next to their house
No more live-together-marriages for me, I tried once and well... it just didn't work out, most stressful time of my life.

I prefer the freedom and peace of being an asexual, introverted hermit. I spent most of my life living with relatives, and we all drove each other crazy. Being with other people is very stressful for me. Being alone is nice, and usually calming.