As an autistic woman I feel ...

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.. That I'm a Girl than a Woman.

.. That being Female is just a biological thing than an identity.



.. That I never belonged. Even if everyone loves and respects me, I still don't feel like I'm in. I had unintentionally burned bridges, but I have yet to intentionally burn any.

.. VERY.MISUNDERSTOOD. And very different from others. But I could care less... Though I'd appreciate an Equal that could sync with me with little little or no compromise.
And I had online, once upon a time...



.. And very, VERY bored right now.

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....That apart from my husband and kids not one person in this world cares that I exist.
Thank God for them.

I feel completely invalidated most of the time in social situations. I'm giving up on it.

Not really like a woman, but also not like a man.

That I have got PCOS doesn't really help (a hormone disorder that makes you produce more testosterone).

I mostly feel gender neutral, as something somewhere inbetween. I am comfortable with that though. I am also bisexual and like looking at women so I have no problem with being one and like my body.

I don't like society's expectations of women as I fit nearly none of them, I'm not much of a cleaner, totally not into fashion, dislike pop music etc. Now I know there are plenty of women not interested in those things, but it's like I radiate something unfeminine. Ex boyfriends told me being with me was like being with another dude.

I'm ok with that, but it makes relationships pretty hard. Most straight guys want a feminine woman, and most lesbians do too.

Good thing I'm not so interested in relationships anyway

... exhausted and over-burdened.

I would happily spend my entire life watching, but not participating. Getting crankier with age.

[quote="screen_name"]...better able to understand my autistic son.

...like my NT friends' beloved "pet", instead of one of the group.


Oh my gosh! This beloved pet statement! I didn't know how to describe it. I have a small group of gals who "adopted" me into their circle several years ago and they actually say out loud that I'm nothing like them but I am an important part of the circle. So weird. That description fits well.

I annoy everyone and everyone annoys me

-like a professional anthropologist of my own gender, and sometimes species
-like I don't exist or am an extreme anomaly within an anomaly
-like I'm pretending/acting all the time, which I am
-bad for autistics who for reasons mental/emotional/physical/structural within society can't pretend or can't remain invisible (because they get offered menial jobs and socially discarded at best and outright abused at worst)
-scared someone I at work will someday somehow put all the "clues" together

Like an intricate patchwork quilt of other people's mannerisms etc. Only the stitching is dodgy. Who exactly am i?! !

Really happy to have finally got my official diagnosis, age 41!

marginalised
misunderstood by NTs
misunderstood by doctors

- overwhelmed
- misunderstood
- lonely
- observer from the outside, not a participant
- not really like a woman, I see myself as having no gender
- but on the other hand kind of connected to Nature and Universe in a really deep way
- free from emotional turmoil and nonsense that many people have in their lives
- sensitive: to color, sound, smell, movement, texture, patterns - and it brings me joy
- I feel like a good mother - I give my daughter plenty of freedom and just enough guidance to make her feel secure, I don't burden her with my ambitions, I'm always ready to talk and support her

I'm feeling like I have been wearing a tight shell and a mask for most of my life, not really knowing what was inside, always pretending to be normal and trying to be nice. Not knowing who I really was and afraid of it. Ashamed of my stupidity mixed with high intelligence.

Now I am curious - discovering who I really am and trying to make others accept it.

Also I feel like I'm fighting all the time. Planning strategies to deal with people and following campaigns, even in the simplest situations like doing grocery or talking to my inlaws.

Thus, I'm often exhausted, but since I've got my aspie identity, I'm much less anxious than I used to be.

As though I wish I'd never posted what I posted in this thread.