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The childless choice

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renaeden
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12 Jan 2018, 11:41 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
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Has anyone else made the decision that they are never going to have children? How long have you felt that way

Yes, and I have never felt different. Even as a kid I said I would never have kids and I haven never wavered.
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what are your reasons for that choice?

I can't stand kids.
I don't want sex, pregnancy, giving birth, or cleaning butts and noses. I don't want the responsibility of taking care of a kid and raise it. I wanna be free to do what I want when I want it and get into my interests as much as I can. In short, there is absolutely nothing about having kids that appeal to me.

In addition there is so much hysteria these days and I don't trust "child protective services" one bit, and I would fear that someone like me would make their list.

My only regrets about not having kids is that
1. the family line dies with me
2. there is no one to keept the memories of my grandparents, parents and me alive, and no one to inherit the affectionally important heirlooms
3. It would be good to have adult kids who love me when I get older. It would be great if they could just magically appear when I could need them in some years! Wasting more than at least 20 years of the good years of my life isn't worth it though!
This. You could have written my post for me.



Tibergrace
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14 Jan 2018, 7:55 pm

I never made the decision, but I'm sterile so I am forced to never have my own children.

I've been used to the idea of never having my own kids for a long time. When working, I work with kids, and I definitely am good with them and enjoy working with them, but I think I'm fine with never having my own. I do dislike the fact I have no choice in the matter, but I'm used to it. I am fine with only ever dealing with other people's kids.



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2018, 8:28 pm

What about adoption?



Tibergrace
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14 Jan 2018, 8:38 pm

I would consider adoption, but single people don't have an easy time with adoption, and I have no plans on ever being in a relationship again. I also would prefer being older, and I don't think I'm quite ready to be full-time support for another human being, mentally speaking.



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2018, 9:24 pm

We've never had anybody from Alaska. What region are you in?



Tibergrace
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14 Jan 2018, 9:38 pm

I've always lived in South-central Alaska. Currently in Anchorage, but I used to live in a little village on the Kenai peninsula.



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2018, 9:41 pm

It's nice in the Kenai Peninsula.

I've only been to the Panhandle.



lostonearth35
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14 Jan 2018, 9:51 pm

Well, it wasn't exactly a decision, I just don't feel the need to have kids, just like I don't feel the need to have a lover or a spouse. I can't even imagine enduring pregnancy let alone giving birth and raising a kid. I can barely handle other people's kids enough as it is.

But society thinks that people who are child free are selfish and horrible. It never occurs to them that people choosing not to have kids may mean the total opposite - because they know they won't be able to give the child the life it should have. Or that the individual can't have kids because of medical or genetic problems. Or they're asexual so they're not into it even if it's only for trying for a baby. You'd think that in this day and age where just raising one child is VERY expensive, the world is a huge mess, and there are 7 billion people in the world so it's not like it'll be the end of the human race because you don't have kids (it'll end for many other stupid reasons), society would see it differently . I guess people just think that having kids makes you "immortal" because your genes live in them or whatever. :roll:



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14 Jan 2018, 10:40 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's nice in the Kenai Peninsula.

I've only been to the Panhandle.


I've never been to the panhandle, hilariously. You've seen a part of my state in which I have no experiences.

IMO the Kenai peninsula is paradise.



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14 Jan 2018, 10:46 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
But society thinks that people who are child free are selfish and horrible. It never occurs to them that people choosing not to have kids may mean the total opposite - because they know they won't be able to give the child the life it should have. Or that the individual can't have kids because of medical or genetic problems. Or they're asexual so they're not into it even if it's only for trying for a baby.


So true. Working at schools has shown me parents often think that everyone else is destined to have children, and it's unthinkable that someone wouldn't have them ever. The commentary they make... f***.



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15 Jan 2018, 1:41 pm

Amity wrote:
Different cultural expectations I guess. I would only bring the topic up with folks I'm comfortable with, but these comments come from mothers that know my nurturing side and want to assure me that I'm still young and have plenty of time.

I've never felt it as prejudice, but interpreted it as more so a not knowing any other way of being. It's not the norm here to not have children by your 30s, it's just another way that highlights my differences, in truth I would love to blend in, but my health does not allow it.


I think I’ve also just been lucky. Having kids just isn’t a priority for my family and most of the people I know. I know over here people can be quite judgemental about it. But you may have a point, New Zealand people are not like Americans. (Pardon me if you’re not American, I made the assumption)

From what my parents say Americans are funny people. Not in a bad way, just different. In New Zealand we are more like NYC in our mindset but very outdoorsy. Most of us would not fit in in the midwest.

Though that might be the city girl in me talking, South Islanders are more country like. Living in the country would be nice. It’s a long term goal for me.



hale_bopp
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15 Jan 2018, 1:47 pm

Tibergrace wrote:
I never made the decision, but I'm sterile so I am forced to never have my own children.

I've been used to the idea of never having my own kids for a long time. When working, I work with kids, and I definitely am good with them and enjoy working with them, but I think I'm fine with never having my own. I do dislike the fact I have no choice in the matter, but I'm used to it. I am fine with only ever dealing with other people's kids.


That isn’t easy. I’m sorry that you didn’t have a choice. I am glad you’re okay about it.



hale_bopp
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15 Jan 2018, 1:49 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
Well, it wasn't exactly a decision, I just don't feel the need to have kids, just like I don't feel the need to have a lover or a spouse. I can't even imagine enduring pregnancy let alone giving birth and raising a kid. I can barely handle other people's kids enough as it is.

But society thinks that people who are child free are selfish and horrible. It never occurs to them that people choosing not to have kids may mean the total opposite - because they know they won't be able to give the child the life it should have. Or that the individual can't have kids because of medical or genetic problems. Or they're asexual so they're not into it even if it's only for trying for a baby. You'd think that in this day and age where just raising one child is VERY expensive, the world is a huge mess, and there are 7 billion people in the world so it's not like it'll be the end of the human race because you don't have kids (it'll end for many other stupid reasons), society would see it differently . I guess people just think that having kids makes you "immortal" because your genes live in them or whatever. :roll:


That’s another reason. I can’t afford children anyway. The cheapest actual house/property around here is over $1,000,000. It’s mini Sydney.



Amity
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15 Jan 2018, 2:21 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Amity wrote:
Different cultural expectations I guess. I would only bring the topic up with folks I'm comfortable with, but these comments come from mothers that know my nurturing side and want to assure me that I'm still young and have plenty of time.

I've never felt it as prejudice, but interpreted it as more so a not knowing any other way of being. It's not the norm here to not have children by your 30s, it's just another way that highlights my differences, in truth I would love to blend in, but my health does not allow it.


I think I’ve also just been lucky. Having kids just isn’t a priority for my family and most of the people I know. I know over here people can be quite judgemental about it. But you may have a point, New Zealand people are not like Americans. (Pardon me if you’re not American, I made the assumption)

From what my parents say Americans are funny people. Not in a bad way, just different. In New Zealand we are more like NYC in our mindset but very outdoorsy. Most of us would not fit in in the midwest.

Though that might be the city girl in me talking, South Islanders are more country like. Living in the country would be nice. It’s a long term goal for me.


I'm Irish and despite our progress in the last few decades we remain quite traditional when it comes to procreation...
The recession changed our gender expectations within the family unit, more dads were at home and women took on the breadwinner role.
The modern mother has high standards to meet, it seems that there is a pressure to be a well educated successful career woman while maintaining that traditional Irish mammy role. I don't know how they do it.



MamaFrankie5259
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10 Feb 2018, 8:09 pm

I decided at the age of 8 that I wasn't having children and have never wavered. I am asexual, don't like children anyway and I don't think I'm mentally fit to be a mother. Children restrict freedom.


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hale_bopp
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20 Feb 2018, 2:00 pm

MamaFrankie5259 wrote:
I decided at the age of 8 that I wasn't having children and have never wavered. I am asexual, don't like children anyway and I don't think I'm mentally fit to be a mother. Children restrict freedom.


I’m in a similar boat. Though as a kid I wanted kids because I thought “That’s what you do”. It wasn’t until high school I realised it was a no go. I didn’t feel emotionally mature enough, and nowdays I don’t see any logical reason to have them. Looking after myself is hard enough. Maybe people who’ve met the love of their life feel differently? As I’m preparing for my future as an independent woman, it doesn’t even come into the question.