middle-age group?

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hello.
man it's been a tough couple years with the pandemic on top of everything else.
i left my 50 hr + a week job in February after accepting that i'm burned out.
Since then I've been caring for family and friends, trying to focus on recovery and self-care (failing miserably) and have been exploring "autism burnout".
As always, it's hard to figure out what is 'typical', what's ASD, what's mental health, what's personality, etc. Trying to slow down and having more space in my life is really hard.
My anxiety is a constant distraction and i'm unfocused and my thinking is cloudy. My body is hurting alot too.
As always, i have my team of experts that help me live my best life - psychologist, therapist, and others as well as my amazing women friends.
Anyone else going through this?
I feel like burnout and self care are tough for everyone and like so many other things, likely a little different for people with brains more like mine.
i welcome tips, resources, etc.
jpp

i do not envy you .... and on top of it all itns getting to be the Holiday season . which for some people can be extra hard ... But
you do have family ..... and if you have MD perhaps they might have some compassion on you based on your burnout level , and might prescibe something to get you through the holidays .
Or if you can find alittle alone time . You might try some meditation .. With a focus on peacefulness . It seems nobodys psyche is getting away unscathed after this Covid thing .
I do hope things allow you to recover from your burnout . And may you have a Good Thanksgiving holiday , if you celebrate that sort of thing.

thanks for the thoughtful reply. funny - i just made myself sit and meditate this morning - a powerful tool indeed. I too feel like a big factor adding to everyone's stress is the pandemic and perhaps the environment, the political climate and more. i'm in canada so our thanksgiving is well behind us but i hope all of you celebrating this week have a peaceful and restorative holiday.

I'm there with you. I quit my toxic workplace in January. I was diagnosed at 47, have two children and am a professional in IT.

In April started working PT and volunteering while I "recover". I don't want to work FT or in my industry again, but as the primary income earner, I suppose I must for a bit more. I'd much rather bury myself in research and puzzles all day. I'm waaaaaaaaay past due to have a massage, but the pandemic and job loss ruined a whole bunch of my routines and I haven't reestablished them. I know a massage would be good for me - but I worry about the trial and error in finding a good massage therapist. Perhaps in the same way a good job would be good for me - but the trial and error is daunting. So tired of "stretching" (or hiding) myself. I'm working on asserting myself and seeing progress - a touch less scared. Wishing us more stability - for me, I guess it would be emotional fortitude or similar. I am both the reed and the oak and all mixed up.

oh my,, jow i would yearn for a massage finally found a therapist and can hardly afford time or money tto see her .. And its been months now . The season is changing so responsibilities are to ..
Been trying to go with the flow but , Some days and am just a stick in the mud .. depending on how my joints are feeling . and these days just keeping up with rest and daily needs can be a real handful.
Hope you guys have it easier this winter season.

I’m also worse for the wear, and have finally made the decision and have a plan to get out of my own business, will be transferring ownership to a younger and more capable woman. The work load has increased to the point where it is literally impossible to keep up. I am getting further and further behind.

What really got to me was to see the fear in my husband’s eyes; he is genuinely worried he will find me dead from a stroke. I confess that was also worrying me, but I was keeping that fear under cover.

It was so good to read this thread again. I do miss B19 and hope she is okay.

I'm new and coming to this thread late, just jumping in because it's been informative to read other women's stories. I turned 50 this year and that's still hard to get used to. I don't feel accomplished enough to be my age. I am one of those women who is undiagnosed but learning-- through a lot of reading and some conversation with diagnosed women-- that there are some undeniable similarities here.

Anyone here with a full-time demanding job—especially if there's also marriage AND kids AND pets AND just managing all the daily stuff of life—I seriously don't know how you do it. I appreciate the honest admissions of burnout, but still, I'm amazed. I've kept my life intentionally small for a long time. I'm thankful to be happily married for many years after a history of disastrous relationships. No surprise my husband shares many of my traits. But I currently don't have much else going on—and it was like this for me before COVID. I work from home, part time, and even with the luxury of working from home, I still find that being married, working a part-time job and managing the house and errands and occasional family visits feels like about all I can handle if I want to also maintain any sense of calm and well-being.

I used to have pets and foster pets. No kids of my own. I used to be somewhat active in church and volunteer work but many of those activities felt more draining than fulfilling. They felt like things I wanted to enjoy, wanted to be good at—but not that I was actually enjoying or actually good at. I have tried to handle more work-wise, but working more hours outside the home usually means I spend my free time either sobbing and irritable or in a zombie like state.

My first job after college was working with learning disabled kids so it's been interesting to see others here talk about similar roles. That was one job I really cared about and it was fulfilling at times--but too socially intensive. I got repeated feedback from the director in the beginning that I was 'too much in my head,' not making enough eye contact, talking too much or not enough, too monotone, etc. Much of the time I can avoid those mistakes--but not back in my 20s when I was nervous, learning new things, and being watched and critiqued. So I took the notes and learned to seem 'normal' even under pressure….but that took so much effort that after 3 or 4 hours of work I would be too exhausted to think straight.

I would like to think that the more I can accept and get honest about myself, the more that might help in some way. I'm very introverted and I've typically had one primary relationship throughout my life, either a partner or a friendship, with little energy for much beyond that. But I'm sort of just realizing the insane degree to which I avoid being really honest and upfront with most people. I don't lie but there's a whole lot I don't talk about, even with therapists I've seen in the past. I was just so accustomed to feeling I was supposed to hide certain things, or maybe accustomed to people not understanding. In any case, learning about the experience of other women does leave me feeling a bit less alone.

you might be interested in this article i found today -
from the new york times - "My Daughter and I Were Diagnosed With Autism on the Same Day"
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/pare ... pe=Article
By Jen Malia Published April 15, 2020 Updated March 1, 2021

I was interested though I had to scroll quickly and missed part of the article due to the subscription notice

I did read the bit about the impact on mental health. I really get the toll it takes when you have no way of making sense of your needs and challenges. I also see that Malua has written a number of other articles on autism.

Thank you for the welcome! Yes, it's not so much that I feel I'm trying to juggle too much at the moment though i see it sounds that way., possibly due to the holidays which has been a historical source of anxiety even prepandemic.

But certainly many times I have felt overwhelmed and still sometimes struggle with my decisions to step back. I've apparently not yet made total peace with it nor do I feel I've really struck the right balance yet for myself, outside expectations aside. But to get back to the original point of this thread maybe, it may be relevant that I've previously not had much sense of community though i have had the good fortune of a 'like-minded enough' friend here and there.

Hooray for like minded peoples . hang in there especially during epidemic and the season
of the holidays .

I think it's a blessing to be able to have a career, children, and be on the autism spectrum. While I am sure there are daily challenges, because work and parenting are like that, it's a full existence. Kids today know they have autism. There are plenty of women my age, and even relatives of mine, who are in my age range, who don't talk to me. It's horrible. But they know what I'm up to because being powerful makes them feel like they have control. People need to control what they cannot face or understand.
Real relationships make us happy and whole.

This thread needs to get bumped more often .

hi everyone. i've been ofline parenting my 19 year old son who has had a really tough year transitioning to college and adulting. more later on that if anyone is interested.
thought i'd share this article https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/sudbury/ ... -1.6434408 interesting that our national newspaper in canada ran this story. someone is paying attention and listening.....
j.

me again - and this one - looks like an amazing documentary coming out - "A new Canadian doc follows four musicians on the autism spectrum as they release an EP"

https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/o ... -1.6433197