"I've always wanted to be a mom." Seriously?

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I was once reading a parenting book that argued that the best moms are the ones who have interesting and active lives of some sort. The author's mother was a single mother who was working and putting herself through college. Parenting may be time-intensive in the early stages, but after that, it's all about being a role model. If a parent dotes instead of doing, that doesn't seem very positive. This was quite a revelation for me and has helped tremendously with the guilt when I feel I'm a horrible parent.

I guess I never had a feeling one way or the other about "wanting to be a Mom" until I got older (college, maybe), but it still wasn't exactly strong.

I wanted to have kids, but it wasn't my goal in life.
I spent far more time pretending to be a velociraptor.

I wanted to be, very roughly in order, an angel (they could fly, how cool was that?!), a gypsy, a showjumper, a dinosaur hunter, a vet, and a ballerina. 'Mom' was not on my radar. I did the 'will want kids eventually' thing when I was slightly older, but only, I think, because it was what was expected of me. Ironically, by the time I split up with my first husband, who was a 'not yet' kind of guy, he claimed he thought we'd been just about ready to have kids. Not. My second husband was 'not yet', as was I, but that's shifted over a few years to 'not at all' as I realized that with the way my family-of-origin dynamics worked, I couldn't trust myself not to screw up the life of any child I brought into the world. Safer not to have any.

I don't recall being incredibly enthusiastic about dolls...not the baby type. I had the fashion dolls and made clothes for them, but I was never into them as much as I was into crafts and construction type stuff, or books. I once begged my folks for a doll pram for Christmas, but only because I figured they'd have to let me out to go round the neighborhood with it (it was a freedom issue...they didn't let me...I wasn't allowed a bike either, I think for the same reason).

I've never been very convinced of the idea of girls playing with dolls as 'training' for motherhood anyway. My own mother always told me how much she loved her dolls, dressing her dolls, brushing and combing her dolls' hair. I realize now that while my brother might have been treated as a human child, I (being a girl) was expected to act as just another doll. Trust me, that's a very bad association of ideas for a mother to make...

I am 14, and I want to have them eventually (In ten years or so.) I understand that it's not all fun, as I have seen my mom cry because of caring for me and my three siblings. I want one or maybe two. I don't know why I want them, I like babies and young kids and I think it'd be fun to teach it all about music, books, manga/anime, computers and all the stuff I love at a young age.

Mommy track topic

I am trying to remember playing with dolls. I remember I played with parts of them, sort of focussed on their clothes, toes, hands, hair, etc. But I never derived any joy in doing the mom thing like feeding them, play baby games. Everything was mechanical. Real babies I did not have much to do with, as I did not know what to do with them. You could not pull real babies apart and look inside the parts of their hollow bodies.

Yet I always assumed I would have three kids like my mother. I did, but it did not happen her way. I have been a mother for almost thirty five years. My first daughter was 18 when she finally had a brother. She was 21 when she finally had a sister. I would rather have the kids than the relationship with the man. This is me, I guess.

I only once ever had theurge to have children. It lasted for about two seconds and then went, leaving me feeling disgusted at the idea. I've otherwise never wanted children.

with 8 siblings you probably were the doll at playtime.

I used to really want kids (but only adopted). Now I'm not sure I want my own kids, but I still want to help orphans when I can.

I think I was more like the ball at playtime. I had 5 brothers. I had sisters who were so old they were more like aunts and one closer to my age who embodied the resentful older sibling dynamic. I was always ruining everything for her. My brothers caused my parents so much difficulty that my tendency to go play quietly by myself was welcomed as a relief.

I spent years wondering whether I would be the way I am if I had had a real mother instead of a working registered nurse called "Mom" who looked so scary walking down the hall that I remember flattening myself against the wall to let her pass, hoping she wouldn't notice me. I was so little at the time that I remember looking up at a sharp frown on her face, the frown being what scared me, but that I now realize was not more than a slight frown seen from below.

And she had enough reason to frown, what with 5 sons coming and going through puberty at different stages and my second oldest sister in a sanitarium for thinking Donny Osmond was going to marry her. You can laugh... one of my brothers did when she told him, at first anyway. She recovered only to have another attack years later, and I think she takes medication for it now. Don't think they ever put a name on it, but mom noted that it occurred around puberty and early menopause and wondered if it might be hormonal, an extreme reaction of course. Ugh.

These days I wonder about my own kids, whether I'm making them the way they are or whether I made them the way they are, if you understand me. Nurture or nature. I always set the standard for myself as being one of full responsibility. If they act up too much, I need to correct something in my handling and teaching of them, even though when others have trouble I tend to cut them some slack. Some, mind you... I once saw a lady in a store letting her tween son talk crap to her and insult her for not giving him his way and I really wished she'd let him have it. But then, tolerance of that sort of thing isn't doing anyone any favors. I've never heard of a syndrome that included rampant uncontrollable bullying of your parents.

Anyway, my two older kids have had so much trouble lately that I guess I can't understand anyone batty dreamy eyes at a baby and wanting one... they see one innocent infant and I see a small and appealing creature that is fastened securely to a huge pile of baggage. The little creature is worth having but who can take it without seeing the load it's lugging? My kids are the glorious wonders of the earth and they have entered the jungle, where big cats pace and send home notes about them blowing off schoolwork and drawing in class, and running away from P.E. and jabbing at other students in class until they have to have all scissors and pencils taken away and be separated from everyone else.

And it's only been one month.

I doubt they are Aspie, they are so ADHD in their actions, and for some reason this cheeses me off. I mean, my problems are as yet uncertain too, though are much more Aspie than theirs, and ADHD has such a stigma as being a whitewash for discipline problems. And they like to jump and make sudden loud noises and touch people. I do hug them, really, but when they do this stuff without warning, it just rattles the heck out of me.

Well, that's enough of that. So some people actually do dream of parenthood, but not many here, it would seem. Curious.

Nope. I never really cared to have children, and when they told me I couldn't, it didn't really bother me.

But, "they" were wrong. I have one son, the pregnancy wasn't a good one, had my tubes tied shortly afterwards, and honestly later I was glad I did, I didn't think I could have gone through the baby stage again with my sanity intact, I have alot of sensory issues. I have no regrets, but it hasn't been a walk in the park. My son is 9 now, he's cool...I don't reminisce on the baby/toddler years.

Some days I'm pretty good at it, other days I think I stink. When my son was a baby, I used to watch other mothers and it looked "so natural", they made it look so easy. I have a neighbor down the road that has 4 kids, she can keep track of all 4 at once...jump from one thing to another, keep track of what all 4 are saying when they're talking all at once. I've been to her house and after just 2 minutes I'm looking for a place to hide.

i don't really want any kids. i would not be able to handle it.
but i am 23 and i could change my mind in the next 10 years or so.

Well my dad has told me he knew he wanted to be a father from when he was young.

Irishwhistle, I love Leeloo from the Fifth Element! I also liked Chris Rock's character as the DJ, he was so hilarious!

I had some baby dolls when I was a kid, though they weren't my most favorite toys (couldn't really play pretend that they were adventuring now, could I? ), and I remember I said something like "when I grow up I will have a kid," but it wasn't really a big dream I had, it was just how things were. In a way I find it a bit disturbing if, say, a thirteen year old is all "oh, I really want a baby," 'cause thirteen year olds are still kids themself and, uhm... why would they want to give birth when they are that young? But then again, I don't really want any myself, so I guess it's just something I don't get.

hello

well i cannot have my own children, which truthfully does not upset me as i find the whole pregnancy/birth quite disturbing and a little reminiscent of the film alien, but my wife does want one this i can accept and although i find the first three months terrifying due to their fragility , i do have some experience with children and i feel that i would make a suitable co parent, i never really thought about having children until i was 16 then i decided that i would like to have children , this went away through my twenties but as i hit thirty it came back, as a child i rarely played with toys i preferred to watch things or use my microscope, or collect things and keep them in boxes, although i do remember an aunt bought me a sindy doll which had a tutu on, my response was to attach a parachute to it and throw it out of the highest window i could find so that i could find out if it would survive the impact, i obviously would not think this a good parenting method,

Yes I always wanted to be a mom. My best friend going up came from a large family and her mother was one of the only kind people in my life growing up. I guess she made a huge impression on me and I wanted to be like her.

That being said... I am in way over my head. I have an intense sensitivity to noise, need privacy, prefer to do things alone with no one near... all those things are antithetical to being a parent. At least I can relate to my 2 spectrum children very well, I have a huge amount of patience for them, maybe even more than an NT parent would, because I know what they are going through.