what good is marriage?

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Of course it is impossible to live independantly on just one part time minimum-wage job.

However, you can work part-time jobs, if it's necessary. Maybe even three jobs to support yourself. It's actually fairly common.
Do what you have to do to survive.

And I actually support Shiggily on this one.
She never said that life was going to be easy.

You are making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, and reading too much into her words, while at the same time dismissing and ignoring things that she actually did say!
Pay attention to details and words on this Aspie forum, rather than your own preconcieved notions and misguided interpretations.

yes it's true, working more than one job is good enough to get by. the problem is that according to employers i'm not experienced enough & there aren't any Aspie agencies in my area to help me in terms of jobs. but from the way it sounds, Shiggily comes off with this attitude that leads some of us to believe that she has no clue what us Aspies have to struggle with in order to make a decent living. this person can't even put herself in the shoes of those who are trying to bust their asses to make a living and to understand how much it cost to get a life.

Life is too hard to go through by yourself. When things are going well, fine. But when times are hard, you need to have people to fall back on. And when things are going well, it can be depressing if you've got no one to share the good things with.

Your birth family hopefully is a resource for you, though it isn't for everybody, unfortunately. But even if it is, parents get old and siblings can die (or not be born in the first place). Marriage is the most common way to establish a new family for yourself. It isn't the only one, and some people really don't like being married, but it's the most common/popular.

Ignore the 50% divorce rate figures. What they did was count the number of marriages in a particular year and the number of divorces in that same year. They weren't following a set of marriages through to see how many lasted. A lot of divorces in the past were baby boomers who married way too young (and who were more numerous than people getting married at the time of that study). A lot today are starter marriages, though I think in general people are being more cautious. I think the percentages of marriages that last is 80-something percent.

My parents have been married 45 years this year, and few of their friends are divorced (and none in their inner circle, I think, though one couple did go through a crisis at one point and separated for a while). My parents made lousy parents, and I don't think they like each other much, but they have been there for each other in the ways that count over the years. They treated marriage like a business arrangement (a family business) and it worked for them.

Personally, I'd like to get married. I am definitely not doing well on my own, plus I need to be allowed to care about someone more sophisticated than a dog (and I can't even afford a dog). But that's me.

***

Please don't be hard on unemployed autistic people. Our employment rate overall is about 10%, which suggests that it takes more than the right attitude to succeed.

ok, i see everyone's entitled to their opinions on marriage. i think marriage should be based on love & compatibility. and for the record, i wasn't the one whose hard on unemployed autistics/aspies, unlike other people. i believe everyone should be able to work to make a living!

my mom supported herself and 4 kids out of a trailer with a tiny phone and no car. 2 jobs, both minimum wage. 1 food service (so she got some food for free) and one childcare. Both were minimum wage. Don't tell me it can't be done. Though you could say it can't be done if you are unwilling to sacrifice.

I know how people on minimum wage live. Don't pretend like I grew up in a mansion far from the reaches of poverty. I am sorry if you prefer to not work 2 jobs, if you prefer to not live with your mom, if you prefer to not use food stamps, if you prefer to not shop out of a thrift store, and if you prefer to pretend like you can't survive on a minimum wage job or 2.

Because many people DO SO. It isn't fun, or glamorous and you might eat a s**t ton of baloney or whatever cheap food you can get your hands on. But you can SURVIVE.

so do I. there is janitorial work for people who are not socially compatible, there is truck driving as well. There is the military for more than a few people. I actually know of one severe AS (undiagnosed due to a fear of doctors) person in the AF.

You might believe that everyone is entitled to a comfy high paying job they enjoy. But they aren't. I believe that anyone can work, though they might not enjoy the work and it might not pay much.

The only thing marriage means to me is a promise by both partners to stand by each other for the rest of their lives.
to look no farther for someone new, to keep all those vows made too each other for life, those vows have much meaning
that many do not keep now days, like for better and for worse, now days when couples hit the hard times they split,
to me hard times is like, if a partner gains an addiction and needs help, you do not turn your back or judge them, you help them.
you work and be as one, as long as each tries to make it work as one it can be done.
this does not mean one owns the other, this does not mean one dominates the other, this does not mean one cages the other,
this means loving each other for WHO they are and help foster what they can become, as a couple, as one.

I didn't mean to imply that the OP was hostile to unemployed disabled people. Sorry if it came out that way. That last comment was directed at whoever thinks we all ought to be able to earn a living right now, without accommodations that currently don't exist. Even with accommodations I think some of us will still be too low functioning to earn a living (there are people here who live in institutions), but I think they can still get married if they're lucky enough to meet the right person.

The idea that everyone ought to be able to hold down a job outside the home, regardless of level of functioning, and that we are not worthy of dignity or respect if we can't/don't, is a logical fallacy. We're mammals, not bacteria. We're way more complex than work-eat-die (current economic computer models mirror the ecological activity of bacteria - simple living processes only), and we're not all exactly the same. Relationships take up time and energy (not measured in current economic theory) and are equally necessary for our survival as individuals and as a species. Some of us are more specialized for relationship work inside the home than others. How can our worth be only and entirely dependent on our paycheques? But debating employability here is a thread hijack, I think, so that's all I'll say.

ok, i get it. it's just that there are some people out there who judge solely on your paychecks and good looks.



i can work 2 jobs if my skills & experiences were applicable to them, even if it wasn't for the current economy situation! for me, there's nothing wrong with that. don't even try to twist my words, dammit! right now, i have to live with my mom because i don't have money (or a job or two) for my own place or to share with a roommate. IT'S NOT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY TO LIVE W/ HER ANYWAYS. i may not have food stamps because there's food on our fridge. I SHOP AT THRIFT STORES, SO F*#KING WHAT?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING CHEAP??! ! IT HAS ITS ADVANTAGES! it's a lot better than becoming one of those spoiled, rich, snobby, arrogant, disrespectful, and uncharitable tramps & d**ks living in excruciatingly large mansions with useless furniture. what a waste! they can do something better with their money rather than spending it on Bentleys, Porsches, Louis Vuitton bags, or Gucci dresses, whatever pretentious s#!t they get for themselves.

the sentence about the thrift store was about me. there is nothing wrong with shopping from a thrift store.