Is There Anyone Who DOESN'T Want To Have Kids?

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wefunction, your story was a bit like mine... i had no interest in kids or babysitting or nurturing in any way. i actually considered the foetus to be a sort of disgusting parasite....

then i got pregnant at age 21 (reckless disregard for the importance of birth control), and i decided to proceed with being a parent. i actually enjoyed being pregnant because it was like having some built-in companionship, somehow. like a long warm hug. i realized that i would never again be that close to another human being and i was a little wistful when my daughter was born.

i fell in love with my baby daughter (now 16 years old lol) but i still am not very interested in other people's tiny children. we have lots of men and women at my work who bring in their babies to show off and i hightail it out of there. i've actually cut my lunchbreak short and signed back into my job early to avoid having to gush over someone else's infant.

anyways, if i hadn't gotten preganant by accident i would not have ever had children.

I don't want kids at all. I haven't had sex and don't really want to. I have a serious bladder disease which impacts my life. I never wanted to have kids even when I was younger. I want to enjoy being single without having to deal with crying babies in the middle of the night (diaper change, hungry, sick, etc) I want to sleep without being disturbed. I couldn't handle kids anyways. I would make an awful mom. I did babysit while I was in high school and I couldn't deal with the kids. Kids are ok but I'm glad they aren't mine.

The first trimesters were always hard for me. I was always very sick. But after that, I had a ball being pregnant. It was a bit uncomfortable at times (I once peed myself in a CVS because I had a 15 second notice from my bladder to my brain that I had to go) but otherwise it was fantastic to not have body/weight/shape issues because I was pregnant and go through the whole experience of having that baby.

Edit to Add: luvsterriers' comment made me think of another thing... I miss waking up in the middle of the night for a baby, nursing and changing diapers and bathing and picking out little onesies with matching soft cotton elastic band pants and swaddling and cooing and singing. I miss all of that. My husband gets nervous when I start to have baby fever because I usually come home with a new pet.

sorry to read you were miserable in the first trimester. i think there's some kind of correlation between morning sickness and successful pregnancies. i don't remember the mechanism, but apparently a pregnancy with no problems with morning sickness is more likely to end in miscarriage, as the body is not effectively expelling the toxins and things that can cause defects / problems with the embryo and foetus. so your unfortnuate illness is actually probably good for you. strong healthy mama!

That explains why I didn't even know I was pregnant when I miscarried in the first trimester... which happened just months before I became pregnant with my last baby, whose first trimester was the worst of all of them! LOL

I was sure I had answered this before... hmm

Ah well. I never wanted to have kids, I couldnt imagine anything worse, until nature had a different idea for me. Contraception no barrier!

I now have a fantastic daughter. I would never have imagined enjoying having a child but it is fun and fascinating watching her grown and learn.

It has also highlighted issues with AS I didnt realise were as problematic as they are but thats a good thing.

I know I couldnt cope with more than one as I have difficulty multi-tasking with just one. Its a bit sad really thinking she'll be an only child but it is in her best interests to have a sane non gibbering wreck of a mother.

I always thoughts kids were the problem but in reality its their parents. Kids are fun and give you an excuse to play with toys and on swings without funny looks... its judgemental adults who are horrific.

I'm posting in the wrong thread I know, but...
I get really surprised or shocked when I find that many women out there are actually disgusted by kids, there's nothing wrong with that of course it's just so weird to me. I'm like the opposite to you guys, when I see babies I'm like "OMG BABYYYY GIVE IT TO MEEEEE...." like a fly to a sugar cube.
So when I hear about fetuses being parasites or kids being snotty annoying screaming brats I'm like "but but whyyyyyy?"
Just thought I'd say, anyway carry on...

I don't hate kids but I don't think I could ever have any. Being an aunt has given me much insight to the kind of hardships it would require. I have to say though, my nieces have been blessing. They bring a lot of meaning to my meaningless phase called life. However I can only care so much before I'm back to my special interests and needing my time alone.

I find their noise stressful to deal with (I just typed 'to death with'...how appropriate). Same with their random behaviour and the fact that they always seem to want unlimited amounts of attention.

I don't find the idea of carrying a child positive like you do, either. To me, something that is going to grow in my freaking abdominal cavity, push my muscles apart, make movement awkward and put pressure on my internal organs is anything but beautiful or positive. Neither is the fact that for those nine months, my body won't be entirely my own any more. That baby will take nutrients from my blood, affect much of my functioning, etc. And I'm supposed to smile about it and WANT one? Vlech...

The idea that women are instinctively maternal is a fallacy. We aren't amazed at men who are repulsed by the very sight of children and desire to have none, so it's the same way with women. Just think of the number of women throughout the generations who were not maternal who were coerced, pressured and probably forced into motherhood because having children was the expected thing for women to do. And we're shocked that there has been so much accepted abuse cycling through the years? Aspie women may have physical reasons for being adverse to children, like feeling overwhelmed by the stimulus or sensitivity to the noise; but, it's perfectly fine for any woman not to have any liking for children at all.

The only thing that seems over-the-top to me is when they go out of their way to say negative things about kids, and that includes men who do it, too. The hardcore childfree'ers who think they're edgy and cool when they make dead baby jokes. They're really just infantile, desperate and pathetic. But someone who doesn't like kids so they don't have any? Sounds like the right decision.

I can see where you're coming from since the actual carrying and the discomfort sound a bit freaky when described in that way. Yet that kind of thing never puts me off, I just read that without batting an eyelid.
@wefunction, I agree with you on the over-the-top childfree-ers, I really don't like those types. I mean yeah child free in general is cool with me, I mean the overpopulation problem would be tons worse if it weren't for these people. But the comment someone posted on here a few pages back about there being better ways to spend $300 was a little for me personally (since I assume it was an abortion reference?). And there was a member on this site who hasn't posted for god knows how long who was what you would call a rabid hardcore childfree-er, and she used to really turn her nose up at people who liked kids and talked about them on youtube like they're the scum of the earth.

Last edited by MONKEY on 22 Apr 2011, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes. MizLiz was the [strike]mouthy[/strike] hardcore one:



$300-$400 is the average range cost of an abortion from Planned Parenthood. Since this comment was made in response to someone who mentioned that they didn't want to have a relationship with a man for fear of being forced into unprotected sex that could result in a pregnancy, obviously you're right in assuming it's an abortion reference. Obviously, MizLiz has never been in that position to make that choice or she wouldn't be so callously flippant. It's a serious decision that nobody, who's been there, jokes about, not even if they're not sorry. (If you'd like a link to my story on I'm Not Sorry .net, PM me.)

MizLiz has also said in this thread:



Yes, they are giving that look because they're following a stereotypical assumption about women... not that the comment was outlandishly rude and unnecessary. Oh, another one:



Just because MizLiz is a screaming, pissing, sh*****g pain in the ass to her parents, this does not mean that all children are the same with their parents. But MizLiz has a point, her body is for her boyfriend's sexual pleasure, it's not for creating life. She's liberated, I guess. I'll stop trolling now. I just wanted to follow up with a prime example of the type of "hardcore" I was talking about that's not really hardcore at all. Just lame. Thank you, MizLiz. I support your decision to never have children.

Oh no, I have only just noticed that bad typo when typing "scum of the earth". Missed off the S.

Here's a free book on Kobo books about living childless by choice or chance... I haven't read more than the preview myself but it might be something you guys are interested in. Link ~~> Link to book on Kobo.

On that note, I had a gorgeous little girl 8 years ago, and was unable to care for her in the way she deserved so I let my parents adopt her. I was also adopted by them 29 years ago... So I am all for the ones on here saying they prefer to adopt. Adoption is a beautiful, wonderful thing. I miss being with my little girl 24/7 a lot of the time, but I am blessed to know she's safe and well. On that note, as far as my decision from this point on, I am against actually having another child of my own because my boyfriend is 54 (I'm 29) and I want him to be a part of whatever child's life we may one day encounter, so on that note, I am working towards becoming stable enough financially and the like to be an approved foster parent, and would like to foster/adopt an older child with struggles. I am an abuse survivor (ex husband), a recovering drug addict of three years, and a suspected aspie, so I know all about problems LOL I would love the opportunity to be the role model these misunderstood teens need to be able to be better.

Last edited by shadowchyld on 22 Apr 2011, 11:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I thought of posting but just noticed how extreme some reactions in this thread are, on both sides

Sigh, I'll never understand why so many see other people's private choices/decisions as a personal insult or why they get so defensive about their own life-style, I always find it very unsettling.

I like babies as much as you do Monkey although I don't have children and unless a very improbable accident takes place won't have any.