01 Sep 2010, 6:39 am
The same thing happened to me with a guy I met at a party. After everyone was asleep, he pulled me into a stairway and forced me to give him oral sex. People always ask why I didn't bite. To be honest, it didn't even occur to me. I was paralyzed with shock and fear. He put one hand around my neck and the other on the back of my head so I couldn't get away. It was humiliating and terrifying, and I didn't talk about it for a year. I met his girlfriend the next day, and I wondered if he did the same things to her.
I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what drives some guys to act this way. I say "guys" because if they treat women this way, they aren't "men."
11 Sep 2010, 7:27 am
12 Sep 2010, 12:06 pm
12 Sep 2010, 4:25 pm
I was taken advantage of very young several times. Nothing big compared to what others experience. Some forced groping and inappropriate contact with...people who shouldn't ever have touched me. It frightened me so much though, I tended to avoid situations and people who might put me in that sort of situation again--because I knew I wouldn't be able to say no, regardless of how I much I wanted to.
The easy part was, I tended to avoid people enough or put out enough of a 'don't touch me' vibe (or was just that clueless/a b***h) that I rarely was asked out. When I did manage to get a guy to date me, it was usually because I asked him (maybe even pestered him like a typical little aspergirl freak who can't figure out the guy is supposed to do that part 
). Then I'd ask...hey, why didn't you ask me out? The response was usually, "I thought you were with someone." As a consequence most of the people I've dated have been unsure of themselves--more like boys than men--because I knew that if I was in charge in the relationship, then I would never again be forced against my will. It means I've had a pretty safe and sheltered existence, but it also means that I've never had someone who could take care of me now and then, and I think we all need that safety net sometimes.
@Erisad: I'm angry that douchewand took such advantage of you...and what I'm about to say is for you AND all the others of us Aspergirls who have sacrificed themselves because they felt they couldn't say no--whatever their reason.
If you need the contact with someone, that's fine, but be aware of how your choice might effect your long term happiness and feelings of self-worth. You don't have to put up with repeated abuse because you think it's the only way to get that contact. It is wrong of the other to manipulate/trick/force you, but you need to recognize you own power and self-worth. You ARE worth more than that. You DO matter. Others will recognize that once you allow yourself to matter to you. You are worth more than the pain your sacrifice causes you. Don't allow those bastards into your life for that--to tear you down. You are beautiful and worthwhile just as you are.
12 Sep 2010, 4:33 pm
If you need the contact with someone, that's fine, but be aware of how your choice might effect your long term happiness and feelings of self-worth. You don't have to put up with repeated abuse because you think it's the only way to get that contact. It is wrong of the other to manipulate/trick/force you, but you need to recognize you own power and self-worth. You ARE worth more than that. You DO matter. Others will recognize that once you allow yourself to matter to you. You are worth more than the pain your sacrifice causes you. Don't allow those bastards into your life for that--to tear you down. You are beautiful and worthwhile just as you are.
Douchewand, I like that.
Seriously though, that's pretty much the only reason I went along with it as long as I did. I felt that was all I could get. I'm still rebuilding/remodeling myself at this point. Thanks for your words though.
12 Sep 2010, 6:28 pm
Seriously though, that's pretty much the only reason I went along with it as long as I did. I felt that was all I could get. I'm still rebuilding/remodeling myself at this point. Thanks for your words though.
Good...I said it to make you smile.
Hey, I'm the queen of allowing myself to be taken advantage of because it feels like the only way I can connect. Thing is, I end up more damaged after the fun, more hurting, feeling even less worthy than I had before.
I have a guy who regularly texts me demanding oral. There was a time I would have, just to feel better about myself--to feel good for a few minutes. Then I realized that I would be just another hole. The way it felt the last time I let my husband touch me...like I was a warm hole and an object, not a living, feeling human with my own needs. And believe me, after being married for 22 years, this last year without any--well, let's just say douchewand's demands start to sound tempting. But that would make my tentative hold on sanity even more frayed. I'm not a hole. I'm a person. And what I need--intimacy above all--isn't going to be met by an obeyed command to give oral.
Sorry to be so blunt. Once upon a time I chose my words and topics with more of an eye to gentility and non-offensiveness. But I'm an old Aspergirl now, and trying hard to be authentic to myself without pretending to be someone people will "like" but never "know". I don't mean to be offensive...I'm still learning to be.
12 Sep 2010, 6:41 pm
Hey, I'm the queen of allowing myself to be taken advantage of because it feels like the only way I can connect. Thing is, I end up more damaged after the fun, more hurting, feeling even less worthy than I had before.
I have a guy who regularly texts me demanding oral. There was a time I would have, just to feel better about myself--to feel good for a few minutes. Then I realized that I would be just another hole. The way it felt the last time I let my husband touch me...like I was a warm hole and an object, not a living, feeling human with my own needs. And believe me, after being married for 22 years, this last year without any--well, let's just say douchewand's demands start to sound tempting. But that would make my tentative hold on sanity even more frayed. I'm not a hole. I'm a person. And what I need--intimacy above all--isn't going to be met by an obeyed command to give oral.
Sorry to be so blunt. Once upon a time I chose my words and topics with more of an eye to gentility and non-offensiveness. But I'm an old Aspergirl now, and trying hard to be authentic to myself without pretending to be someone people will "like" but never "know". I don't mean to be offensive...I'm still learning to be.
That's okay. It's what I needed to hear. Luckily, the dude's car is getting inspected so he can't see me even if he wanted too. I know that won't be for long but long enough to keep him away for another week.
