Worried about boyfriend's girl best friend

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Well him facing her alone hasn't worked in the past I doubt it will ever work.

He wants to face her himself but I'm helping him prepare for it, i.e. predicting what she'll use in her outbursts so that we have something lined up that he can use to throw it right back. So we're doing it together in that way, just that he wants to physically be there himself. She might only get even more annoyingly time-wastingly dramatic if I'm there, and if not, she doesn't exactly care about my feelings anyways, obviously...

It's just madness that it got to the stage that trying and failing to please her became a big part of our relationship! We're already both feeling happier and relieved and more excited for ourselves knowing that that's going to be gone soon. What an idiot she's been... She had an amazing friend. She's lost him now, although she won't know at least until she's back from Germany (unfortunately we're both in the same choir going on the same trip next week). Why is it that doing everything to make her happy and to be a good friend to her wasn't enough? It just baffles me... Oh well. Her loss.

so, it's been a week....how did it go? any news? please tell us that you finally got rid of her....

Finally, I'm back after a week in Germany with my choir. Unfortunately, that meant a week with this woman in a hostel in Dachau - and at first I was put sharing a room with her! The stress of that and being abroad and with 120 people and having a different routine every day made me get quite sick and I had to be moved to a room of my own separate to the main building. The first three days, I'd been sharing with her and her friend, so she played nice in front of her friend. I learned just how shockingly well she can act. She really has no problem being a fake... It's disgusting. Almost as soon as I moved out she went back to ignoring me. She now does this double-take thing where she'll look away when I look at her (I usually wave and/or smile) and then she looks back to see if I've looked away yet. If she catches me still looking the second time, she'll smile back for about a microsecond. So basically, she's back to blanking me and thinks she'll get away with it again because she has done for so long, but since I put my foot down about this, my boyfriend has been ignoring her. He admits he's been too soft and been trying to keep both of us happy which was stupid because it was never going to work. And he also feels relieved about it, which is a good sign, means he's on the same page as me. He's ignoring her first to give her the message that he's cooling off, and while she's probably rehearsing her manipulative script for him, he's getting his ready too so he can throw it all back at her. Then we know she'll start messing with his head and trying to make him feel guilty and playing games with him and he's going to just ignore all the rubbish and focus on the subject of her being an ass. So far, she's texted him three times and he's ignored them, so she's going to explode at him any time now. It's a really bad time to have had to go to Germany and then to have to go to my parents' place midweek!! ! I want to be there with him if she does it by text or phone... I know he doesn't really want me to be there if he faces her in person but if she does her thing by text or email or phonecall then I could help him out if she throws something particularly nasty at him...

Ok thankfully I don't have to go anywhere this week! So, hopefully, I can be there for him when she starts her narcissistic tantrum. Only the situation's become stickier because she played nice while we were in Germany and we were sharing a room. She'll hold that against him. She did acknowledge my existence today when I passed her in the hallway at college, so she'll blow that into some big friendly gesture that it wasn't, as I've learned that she has no shame in lying and acting. I'm kind of weirdly excited to have this big obstacle taken out of the way, but also dreading it as she'll screw around with my boyfriend's head as much as possible. But he seems to be feeling more and more ready for it and is going to just cut her out completely so I think he's going to be strong. Regarding our own personal issues, we're back to normal, and he's making as much effort in the relationship as he used to and all is well again Just this to sort out...

I think you're doing well. If you can deal with sharing a room with her, you can deal with anything. If you can stick it out until this phase of your life passes that would be good.

If she behaves like a child its not your problem. What you need to do is do whatever you can to try and stop caring. If you ever start feeling guilty or involved, tell yourself she deserves it and think of something else straight away.

You need to train your brain to file her out of your life as much as possible.

Ya interestingly that's what's happening, I'm starting to lose interest in her and just laugh at her weirdness. I'm finding it liberating that I can walk freely into a room and she'll get all awkward and pretend for a moment to be friendly, then quickly leave the room. I'm free now! I don't have to deal with her nastiness any more. And it's easy to avoid her - all I have to do is hang around with people who she sees as inferior, i.e. our peers. She'll hang about with staff members at college or older members of the choir but NEVER with fellow students, unless one or two of those is like her in having an inflated head. I'm becoming happier and my relationship with my boyfriend is getting back to normal, and I can do anything/go anywhere I want while she has to scamper away quickly. She'll be gone from my life in no time, and in the meantime I just laugh when I see her doing her thing. I'm free to live as I want, and she's trapped in her own crazy world of mind games which she's losing!

Well good luck and I hope you don't have future problems with her.

Bracing myself for later... Boyfriend's on his way back from a job interview, friend has been nagging him by text but he wants us to tackle this together because he knows she'll mess with him! She hasn't got any dirt on me. 2 hours time she'll be having her temper tantrum and being rotten to both of us and I'm going to get ANGRY... Looks like she's going to explode via text.

Wow that woman's unbelievable... She was so manipulative and nearly had him fooled again, really glad I was there! He texted her and told her he couldn't go on knowing that she had a problem with me any more and knowing that she'd treated me badly, then she went on about how nice she was to me for the first few days of Germany, then he said it wasn't about Germany it was about her not wanting to get along with me, then she said ok I admit I have a problem and us being friends is probably not going to work but can we end it without any animosity, then he said ok, then she said "give me a call if you ever need me ok?" which REALLY pissed me off, cos she was essentially trying to get permission to be nasty to me but be friends with him! And then I pointed that out to him before he did anything to play into her hands, so he said he doesn't need someone who won't get along with someone he loves and that he couldn't take any more lies and accusations, then she said that that wasn't fair because she'd tried her best (lie) and she'd been a good friend (lie) and she'd wanted to get along with us both (lie) and a bunch of other stuff that was basically the truth turned upside-down! Classsic narcissism. He replied "Almost none of that was true (she mentioned Germany again)" but I can't remember the rest of his text. Anyway, she got grumpy about being accused rightly of her nastiness and signed off in a huff. The whole thing was both hilarious and enraging.

Now I need to get my boyfriend not to feel bad about it and to ignore any nasty stuff she sends to him... He has to go through a whole recovery process now... I want him to go hang out with his other friends, she seems to have convinced him that he's a bad person and that he has no friends. He's a wonderful person with lots of friends, all he has to do is go meet up with them more... Guess he should block her from Facebook like I have or she'll use that as another means of bullying, because even those who aren't friends can send messages...

If he is serious about this he will cut all contact with her.