Maternal Instincts in an Aspie Female

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I'm very in touch with my inner child and have long been enamoured by children. I love the unwavering sense of wonder they have for the world; something I take pride in maintaining. To them, everything is new and fascinating, they speak their mind and follow their heart. I'm too young to raise a little human being right now, though I'm very much looking forward to the task.

I have a maternal instinct that comes out when needed, like when the hubs is sick. I'm more protective than maternal however. The hubs, however, is VERY maternal and nurturing, so we'd balance out whenever we have kids.

I've always been good with children. I suppose it has to do with having to practically raise my little sister at a very young age.

However, caring for a child and being good with one are two different things. It took me quite some time before I got the hang of caring for my children. Though, just when you think you've got it figured out, they change it up on you. That, right there, is the most difficult for me to handle.

Did I ever feel that mommy instinct people talk about? Nope... never. My oldest is 4, and I still have no idea what people mean when they say that. Just like any bond, I had to work at it when they were born. I have to work to maintain it, as well.

I have some level of maternal instinct, but I lavish it on animals instead of human babies. I love cuddling cute baby animals but human babies are so fragile and loaded with responsibility. I've had multiple nightmares about being pregnant. Nightmares because in dreams where I look down and I'm pregnant, I'm overcome with the sensation my life is over and I get terribly depressed. I've always noticed other girls will gather around a carriage and ooh and ahh and I've always stood in the bg and thought "meh".

However I'm in my mid twenties and who knows what that biological clock will do to my brain around 30.

I had a question for aspie mothers with sensory sound issues. How do you withstand a baby crying? When ever I hear a baby cry for an excessive amount of time, it'll drive me absolutely up the wall. How do u learn to tolerate your own child crying, isnt the noise too much? What about for aspie mothers who are prone to getting stressed easily? What if you cant get your kid to stop crying, do you ever get meltdowns, panic attacks because of it?

You don't learn to tolerate it. You learn to sooth the baby so it will stop crying.

Actually mine doesn't seem to effect my mother instincts. I have a hard time reading my baby but somehow I just know what to do. I try everything to see if he stops crying. Like when he is crying in his bouncer, I finally pick him up when he doesn't calm down and you know what, he stops crying. I then know he just wanted to be held. But my husband can tell when he wants to be held without trying other things first. Sometimes when I am holding him and he won't stop crying, I finally put him down to see if he stops. If he does, I then know he just wanted to be put down, not held anymore. If I haven't changed his diaper in a few hours and he is fussing, I change him to see if he stops but I change him anyway when it's been several hours since I have last changed him. But sometimes I lose track of time and can't remember when I last changed him. I also prop my nipple to his mouth to shut him up and when he wakes up, I feed him because he is usually hungry.

I also love holding my baby and telling him I love him and I like cuddling him. This all comes natural to me and his crying doesn't seem to bother me even though it has gotten stronger. Maybe because it's my own baby. Even I can tolerate his snoring because I find it soooo cute. But I can't stand others snoring.

If I can't get my baby to stop crying, I do shut down so I end up ignoring him until I am ready to do my job again as a parent. But it's only a few minutes when I take a break and luckily he is an easy baby despite that I feel he gives me a hard time sometimes. And every time I have gotten so frustrated with him, I finally put him down in his crib or bouncer and bam he stops and he goes to sleep.

And I have found out babies aren't all that fragile. My husband has told me I am a bit rough with our little one and he is still alive, no injuries. But I don't toss him or anything or hold him by his arms or legs. I carry him like how you carry all babies.

And I don't mind the interruptions my little one gives me.

But one thing I don't have is I don't ever feel bad when my baby cries or when I can;t get to him on time or when I let him cry for a few minutes so I can get the clothes in the wash or take the clothes out and put them in the dryer or when I empty the dishwasher. I also don't miss him when I am gone because I know I will see him again when I come home. I don't ever mind leaving him home with my husband or with my family. Now when I return to work I wonder if I am going to miss him or not want to leave him for a few hours. I will just wait and see. I cannot grasp why moms would feel bad about their babies crying and are unable to ignore it. Of course I don't leave my baby crying for hours or minutes before coming to him. That make me a horrible mother. I don't know if that is my AS there or not. I haven't yet heard of any none spectrum mothers not feeling bad when they leave their babies crying or when their baby is crying and they can't do a thing about it such as giving them a bath or when they are being changed and getting dressed. But some parents do actually try and calm their babies during their diaper change. My mom never bothered because if she tried to keep us from crying, then it take too long to get us changed so she ignored it just like I do. But I never asked if she ever felt bad or if it was hard for her. Even my husband has a hard time with this but he can still ignore his crying when he has to such as getting him changed.

I bet you'd be surprised when you have a baby. I have already surprised myself. This is my first baby and I have never taken care of any babies and I am doing a good job with my own. Even my husband thought I was going to have trouble but he was also surprised too. I think it was my mother instincts. You know how animals know what to do with their little ones after they have them and they seem to know how to take care of them, well same with me. I even want to protect him too and it always amazes me how dumb mothers can be about their babies and how they can not dress them to keep them warm so while they are all bundled up, they have their baby in shorts or something and he isn't even covered up or put in something warm. When I go out and I have mine in the bjorn, I have him under my winter coat so he be warm and my body heat keeps him warm. I am also constantly checking on him, when he is sleeping or in his stroller or in his bjorn, or bouncer, etc. I always want to make sure he is still alive.

Same here. Happily childfree.

I don't have maternal instincts and I'm not good with children. If I had them, that'd be a catastrophe for both sides.

i have very strong maternal instincts, especially in the last couple of years. i dont have a baby of my own yet but it seems my body is trying very hard to convince me that i should. i seem to be thinking about it more and when shopping i can spend ages looking at all the baby stuff, the lovely little toys and the tiny tiny baby shoes.and i feel all excited and fluffy inside. quite often i think about when ill have children, i know that im not ready yet, im not financially secure enough and my partners still in uni so itll be a few years yet. i think about that and then worry if by the time im ready itll be too late, which is silly cos i know it wont be (touchwood!) i know its just hormones panicking, 'omg! must mate now and pass on genes before you DIE!'
and im smart enough to know that no matter how much my hormones think otherwise i am NOT ready to be a mother yet.

be interesting to see if other aspies experience this, maybe there should be a poll for broodiness in aspie women? though from this threads it seems it could be rare...

ZooZoo

Same here. My animals are extremely well looked after - probably too well, as I have anxiety and tend to over compensate. I love taking care of them. Funny enough, I get the same nurturing feeling from looking after plants in the garden. Just not kids.

I cannot stand the sound of a baby crying. I hate holding them. I don't mind the idea of a child when its school age, but don't think I could manage the pregnancy stage without going crazy with anxiety and stress.

My mum is guilt tripping me about not having kids - "your clock is ticking", "you're being selfish" "who will look after you when you get old etc". At this stage, I feel no desire to have a baby, and my fiance isn't interested either.

I am a mother of a ten year old girl. What I lack in maternal instincts, her father makes up for. She prefers to talk to him about things that are bothering her, I tend to provide and find practical solutions. I had a very stressful time when she was young, before she could verbally communicate what she needed, I dislike babies and crying grates on me - whoever is doing it - I tend to panic inside and then get angry because I just want it to stop. I find comforting her still very difficult. I think she is amazing because she copes very well with me not being touchy feely, she likes a lot of affection and is very tactile but let's me have space when I am tired and tell her I can't cope with cuddles anymore.

My fear is that she'll resent me later in life for not being affectionate, but I always tell her I love her every day - that's how I prefer to show my love for her, in the things that I do for her and verbally rather than being physically affectionate - she's accepted that I'm not a "huggy" person.

I am very physically affectionate with my cat and she has often said that I prefer him to her. I wish I could be different for her.

I like kids they're alright!

I know I'll be a good mother, or a good pet owner, either one.

I'm not good at all with most children and I usually avoid being around them. My husband and I have decided not to have children for a variety of reasons, one major one being that I'm not sure I really have the "maternal" instinct. I've never craved a baby. I don't feel like my life will be missing anything without them, and our biggest mutual fear is related to the fact that you can't send them back once they're born. I'd rather just not have them. I imagine there are plenty of Aspie women who are terrific with kids (in fact two of my aspie friends both have children and either work in day cares or as teacher's aides) but I am not one of them.

No maternal instinct here, I am more of an animal person. Very protective of pets. But then I don't have a lot of faith in the human race so I'm probably not the best person to answer this.

I have the maternal/nurturing instincts.......I love children and animals but I get frustrated with children after awhile or in certain situations............and overwhelmed by how loud and demanding they are. I worked in daycare and at the end of the work day I felt like I was going to have a meltdown............and that was only after 3-6 hour shifts of working with children. I don't think I'd make a good mother the way I am now..............I would have to work on controlling my emotions/temper and staying calm before I could have children.........................I would also have to work on having a steady income, a partner etc., but that's for another thread......................