Being friends with other women.

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I have trouble understanding and relating to many "normal" women.

That said, I get along with some women just fine, and it's usually because they are in the same boat as I am. The female friendships I tend to have are more similar to guy-guy friends, I think. We don't really hug or chatter about boyfriends. We rarely, if ever, talk about our problems. They just never come up as a subject. Gossip is completely unheard of. Instead, we'll talk about video games, art, computers, cooking or whatever else we feel like.

I'm my happiest and my most at ease with friends like these.

I tend to get along with guys well (probably better than women), but I have trouble finding men who are looking for friendship and not a relationship. I get a little annoyed when male friends end up attracted to me. That's why I typically get along with men better online, where they can't see my face, as opposed to in real life.

I don't really have any friends at the minute, which I'm fine with but I definitely find it harder to maintain friendships with women. I'm not sure why. It really is strange because for 5 years I went to an all-girls school and subsequently spent 2 years living in a boarding house with 30 girls in a mixed school.

I have no idea why I can't stay friends with women though, and that does seem to be the problem, I start off okay usually but then I get friend-dumped!

I actually have always had mostly female friends and very few guy friends. I feel like girls are more compassionate. Well, at least some are I suppose quite a few are rather catty.

I have had some close women friends, but in few cases did those friendships not end in disaster. I don't know why. . . some social cue I didn't get. I have had a lot of women friends just turn on me for no reasons I could decipher. So I don't really trust too much now. I know that interaction with groups of women is hard for me. . . so many unspoken rules I just never get. Extremely intimidating for me.

At this point in my life I have a long and excruciating history of failed friendships and betrayals in women friendships. There are two who have stuck with me for years, and call me "brilliant" and "special" and put up with my quirks. I am inexpressibly grateful to these two women, and try to tell them so.

I get along better with men, by and large. But to the person who said women see every male as a potential mate? HUH? News to me!

I have only really have male friends.
There is one woman who is married to one of my boyfriends friends, they keep trying to get me to be friends with her and she likes me, she's nice and not a typical woman...but she is still a woman, and she's also one of those people who are just really difficult to read, even for NT's. Plus she's about to have a baby so I doubt we'll have much time to hang any more.

I had female friends in high school just because you were supposed to, for the most part they annoyed the hell out of me with the little clicks and girl-hate - that is for me what makes me not want to even attempt being social with women; girl-hate.

Girl-hate; indirect aggression towards women, normally from women. It's the whole idea that we are socially conditioned to think we're of little worth, that we are all competing to be the most pretty in order to get male attention, so we bring each other down to make ourselves feel better and seem better than each other in front of others. Think the film 'Mean Girls', or in high school (or the adult world too for that matter) when girls bad-mouth each others clothing, make passive aggressive comments, or basically go round calling each other the 'S' word to ruin reputations. Leora Tanenbaum does a GREAT book about this. I personally just can't be bothered with this sort of thing, I don't need that hate.

I generally don't share interests - what do women like?
Celebrities, hair, make-up, hunky men, shopping?
I have a vague interest in some of these things, but not in the same way, and these are very stereotypical women-things, I think women are even more complicated than that. My mother probably didn't help either [yes, I have mother issues] amongst various issues I have with her, she is a typical woman herself...she isn't a girly-girl but she likes more normal women things and gets along with other women...I've never understood my mother.

I think I have more of a male brain and prefer male company - I will admit too I find men easier to get along with as I can flirt with men, that's the only way I know to communicate, I find men are a lot more laid-back and better at taking a joke or understanding strangeness without going 'OMG, FREAK!'

Girl-hate; indirect aggression towards women, normally from women. It's the whole idea that we are socially conditioned to think we're of little worth, that we are all competing to be the most pretty in order to get male attention, so we bring each other down to make ourselves feel better and seem better than each other in front of others. Think the film 'Mean Girls', or in high school (or the adult world too for that matter) when girls bad-mouth each others clothing, make passive aggressive comments, or basically go round calling each other the 'S' word to ruin reputations. Leora Tanenbaum does a GREAT book about this. I personally just can't be bothered with this sort of thing, I don't need that hate. [/quote]

I feel compelled to point out that I don't hate other women, I hate all of the "girl hate" and I just wish the most of them would be more, honest, direct, and less covert.

I wish more women would be like that, too. It would make life a whole lot easier.

But it's important to recognize that not all girls are like that. I've found women that are easy to get along with and not crazy. Look for the "tomboys" or ones that just don't seem to fit it. Or the ones that seem to just do their own thing, independent of any group. Usually these women have a lot to offer.

For me, I can relate to women somewhat emotionally and we have similar interests its just that things can get really complicated. I dont get most of the things thats going on around me with these "girl" friendships. Things are often times not rational which is confusing for me, I dont get all these flying emotions. And then I have to hold my tongue a lot cause you say one thing, oh boy, they'll get them into some emotional furry. Right now I have a significant number of girl friends and umm Im getting kinda tired of it. Even tho I have similar emotions to many women, the way I handle myself is very different. If I even try to relax and allow my mouth to fly around them, Id get into some significant trouble.

At times I feel like that too with some girls. However I dont see it as a close friendship if its one sided. I may be a complete idiot to open up to them, but they sometimes stay guarded with me and I dont think its cause they dont think Im trustworthy its because they think Im "ret*d". They see themselves as some sorta mentor figure and Im just the idiot girl that clings to their side at times that they feel they have to take care of.

Sorry if Im making a lotta posts, just wanting to reply to a lotta these quotes, too lazy to compile everything into one post

Same here, one on one of small group setting with girls. Im like mixed gender situations better. With huge groups of girls, I start to "zone" things out and feel like Im "different". Like you put a bunch of girls together, the girliness factor starts skyrocketing. I dont mind groups of guys that much where Im the only girl. I just watch them acting ridiculous and I dont have to hold my tongue as much. But I dont really connect to them. Its just mostly entertainment where I sit and relax.

Yeah Im like that too. I like to discuss my problems a lot but mainly so my friends can help me see something a different way. I often realize my friends have different opinions, in attempts to help me sort things out. Not just sit around and pretend to agree with me, thats actually can be a little annoying. I want a solution.

I've had mostly male friends since I was in middle school or so. The only female friends I have had always wind up being lesbians, tomboys, and/or girls who say that they are only ever really friends with guys.

I have way too much trouble socially with girls. There is too much talking and unstructured time to decipher their code. With guys, I can just play a game with them and if there is a conversation it is about the game and everyone is on the same page.

I find it easier to relate to guys and tend to have more male friends. Relatively normal males and me have more in common than relatively normal females and me. A bisexual male friend once commented that if only I were a guy I'd make such a good gay bear. My response was: Yeah, you're right. I'd make a horrible lesbian since I could never date a woman, too much hassle.

I have had female friends, RL ones I mean, generally they tended to have similar interests. I've found though as they got married and had kids it just became too hard. Especially if the husband ended up being the one doing the passive aggressive thing to me. It also just made everything too hard to schedule because if you and two married female friends want to go out you may have to juggle 7 schedules, the two wives, the two husbands/babysitters, the two children and well, I was the only one who could be available whenever yet I was always supposed to be the one to make the plans for when to get together?! NT logic does not resemble our logic.

I also find it easier to get men to own up. What I mean is, in general when guys are being jerks beyond well, normal guy behavior and you call them out on it and flat out tell them you're not their cleaning lady and aren't there to take their crap they tend to respect that so long as you didn't make a point to humiliate them. He made his play, I called him on it, we're cool. With women so often you get evasion and then they just crank the passive aggressive social assassination up a notch because omg who do you think you are talking to me like that can you believe she did that when I was only trying to be nice and what did I ever do to her I can't believe she'd say something so cruel to me I'm just sooo hurt and so on.

I find it easier to maintain friendships with women online. In games we all at least have the game in common, and I've been lucky. Not to say I haven't met my share of drama queens. But a lot of gamer women game with their boyfriends/husbands. Once they realize I have had a strict policy of never getting romantically involved with guildmates for 15 years now it cuts down on a lot of the insecurities that I'm faking my friendship with them and am chummy with their significant other only to steal him away. Gaming's my refuge, last thing I need is to be the cause of drama like 'so and so cheated on the guildleader with our main tank, they left taking half the guild with them and emptied our guildbank'. It's stressful enough when I'm not directly involved.

I have female friends, but I am much closer with my male friends.

I rarely meet other women with my interests. However I have never been actively exclusive of women/girls when choosing friends. Rather, it's them who tend to exclude me.

And most NT women, or NT's in general, do not "get" women with AS.

These are the things I have problems with too. I have very shallow relationships with women acquaintances. At first they love me because I'm funny and different but when I don't change to fit in, I very quickly fall out of favour.

I find male relationships far easier to work with as they don't seem to impose on your life so much. They don't need or want private irrelevant details and they don't fall out with you for having a different opinion. They accept me for who I am and don't 'disown' me when my quirkiness or odd sense of humour doesn't disappear.

I have real issues with the expectations of women in groups and I don't have the dedication to sister like best friend relationships outwith groups.

I hate that women cannot be blatantly honest. I'd rather someone said something honest and hurtful than lied. I get this more often from men than women although I've met some two faced b*****s of men in my life, they're just not very subtle about it so at least you know the score.

I know I shouldn't generalise about people and gender like this but it's been my experience by and large.

Sometimes I don't understand women, although I can be good imitator. I don't have many female friends but I have male friends. I find women confusing, one moment they want to be your best friend and then suddenly their mood changes! Females are social creatures, since I have Aspergers I find it difficult to communicate what I have to say. Since I don't talk much they look at me funny, I don't fit in. I dress like a normal female, I wear makeup and wear clothes such as dresses and skirts. I try to fit in but I don't because once I open my mouth I'm singled out. I remember once at christmas time in highschool, the girls in my group were handing out christmas cards. Most of these christmas cards not only were wishing a happy christmas but also saying what a great friend the person was, covered the whole card. What I wrote on my christmas card was "wishing you a merry christmas, all the best for next year", I couldn't think of what to say