Question for female aspies in relationships

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I strongly suspect that I have Aperger's, and my husband is NT. We've been married for two years and have never had sex, mostly because I am terrified. I have some major sensory issues down there that I haven't been able to find a way around yet. Happily, my husband has been very understanding (and is so glad that I'm going for my first AS evaluation this Friday).

For anyone else with this kind of problem: have you been able to overcome it? I don't personally want sex at all so i have a hard time motivating myself to do anything about it, but it is unfair to my husband.

I'm in a long-term relationship of four years. He is NT. When we began dating, we had sex very frequently...a couple of times a week. However, at this point in our relationship, we have gone for MONTHS without having sex; intercourse, that is. He's always in the mood, but I rarely am. I don't mind giving him oral or manual sex, which I do maybe twice a week, but I rarely want to have sex.

I do sometimes worry that he'll eventually become frustrated with the lack of sex, but we are very close, and I don't feel like he'll leave me. If it got to that point, I'd just suck it up (no pun intended) and make sex more frequent.

P.S. I really enjoy sex when I have it, and enjoy porn and just the general idea of sex...for some reason, though, it just feels like a nuisance to get into it.

My boyfriend has a hard time remembering that soft stroking hurts me (even so much as on the hand), but you have to remember that for some people, it's just their natural instinct to physically engage that way, and they have to remember to "override" it, so to speak.

I'm a girl with AS and I had a hard time getting someone into my personal space at first. My partner does have a higher sex drive than me, and I had a history of sexual abuse. I felt like couldn't physically have sex at first because it was too painful, nor was I interested. But it takes some easing into. I had lots of experimentation, tried lots of new sex ideas (sex shops are awesome for getting new ideas), tried new things, and communicated openly and honestly about what felt right and what didn't. After many months of taking things slow, I feel comfortable enough with sex, and enjoy it more, and hopefully you will too =)

When I started out, I felt scared and had lots of anxiety around sex, but now it's over. If someone with AS can go that far, I'm sure so can you, and I'm happy to help.

I relate to both of you.

I have always dated NT men, and I have always had a very high sex drive, but hated things like kissing & caressing. I like more aggressive forms of touching, like having sex or when they'd hug me.. I'd always ask for them to hold me tight. The idea of Temple Grandin's hug machine really appealed to me when I saw it in the movie. I like to be squeezed.. but not breathed on. Light touches are very ticklish and aggravating for me.

The problem I faced in all of my relationships was wanting sex more than my partner, but not wanting the other things, so they began to feel "used." And I guess in a way they were, because sex was always one of my fixations/obsessions.. and I was never in love before.

My current boyfriend is an NT, and I'm in love with him, so it's all very different. On some levels, I feel way more comfortable with him than I ever did anyone else, and I do things with him that I denied to previous boyfriends. On other levels, because my feelings for him are so intense, sometimes him touching me is just TOO MUCH. It's a sensory overload. And I have to tell him to stop. Luckily he's very understanding. Because I don't just see him as a means of getting laid, I don't just want to have sex with him all the time. I love our talks & our cuddle parties. I'm learning to love kissing him, although sometimes I still freak out over it.

He is in the Navy, so sometimes I go long periods of time without seeing him, but we generally have sex every day or night we are together.. usually right before bed or upon waking up, or sometimes it's an afternoon quickie. Sometimes it's once, sometimes it's more. It just depends on our schedules & what we're up to on any given day. It feels very spontaneous & natural, and like our sex drives are in sync. Although, sometimes I have to ask him to "just hold me" or "just give me a back massage" (which he does with just the right amount of pressure), because he gets aroused from touching me & immediately wants to have sex.

But I really never had anything like that before, where a boyfriend wants sex just as often or more often than I do.. except men who wanted it more than I did because they were rather lame at it, LOL. Mostly I've had boyfriends treat me like some kind of deviant because I was more sexual than they were, or than they felt they could adequately accommodate, and it left me in tears a lot of the times wondering what was "wrong" with me.

Also forgot to say I DO have problems initiating sex, I have a real fear of rejection.. probably due to previous experiences with men. I don't like to initiate affection either, not even simple hugs, because of my childhood. My own mother rejected that kind of stuff. Luckily my current boyfriend is great at initiating, so I never have to. But I feel comfortable grabbing his hand when I want to hold it, stuff like that. We are a very affectionate couple, the kind that sits on the same side of a booth in a restaurant with our arms around one another the entire meal.

Uggghhh my boyfriend does the same thing! I absolutely hate it, and he thinks it's funny! Until I start tickling him under his ribs, then he begs for mercy. But he knows I won't tickle him while he's driving.

Now we usually do whatever we can with whatever privacy we can get. We've only had sex once in the 6 months we've dated.

I have a low sex drive and once a week is enough for me. My boyfriend (aspie) and I haven't had sex for many months. He's really tired all the time and I'm worried he has CFS. Before that, we would do it about once a fortnight. We used to both initiate, depending on the occasion. Nowadays, I try to initiate and he just collapses with fatigue, or has an asthma attack. I feel a bit sad about this but such is life.

Rubbish as it is, I'd much rather have it this way than feel like I have to do it when I don't want to. Too many bad memories of my previous partner associated with that.