Lovely_Leah wrote:
If you accept any form of abuse, cruelty or violence, no matter how minimal, you become the victim and that will never change. You will experience it over and over, most likely more intensely each time it happens.
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There are many individuals lurking about purposely seeking victims. They will lure you in and prey upon you if you allow it. Please don't think you have to accept such treatment or behavior from any one, especially in a relationship. Remember to love and respect yourself, follow your gut feeling about others, and know you are worth the love of a good person who has no need to hurt you.
Highlighting the most important parts of Leah's posts above.
In my experience, abusive individuals have serious and chronic anger management issues, and usually also have very low self esteem. Some are also mentally ill. Others have been abused themselves and see nothing wrong with abusing others.
There is an individual in my extended family who is extremely abusive. He is also very manipulative in that he carefully chooses his victims. Once he chooses his victim, he systematically determines who their support systems are and will initially be very careful to hide his abusive tendencies in their presences. As he gets to know the "support systems" better, he also determines if he can get away with abusing his victim even when the support system is present. Then he tries.
He has abused his adult daughter for close to 3 decades now. He last tried to hit her a month ago, in the presence of the daughter's husband, after determining that his son-in-law believed in "honoring thy father & mother".
Now, usually, after a violent beating, the daughter would be the one apologizing and "making up" -- generally within a few hours because that is what she had been brainwashed to do, since early childhood. That she had made Dad mad, it was all her fault, she was a bad girl and should apologize to Dad for upsetting him so.
Probably "Dad" had counted on that happening this time around, too. Well, surprise ! The daughter called the cops and threw the "father" out of her house. She also cut him off and told her "mother" that it was over. Nothing since and if has been a month !
See, behaviors should have consequences. Negative behaviors that are reinforced will be repeated. So, if an individual puts his or her hands on you one time and you take it and do nothing about it, that individual is GUARANTEED to put his or her hands on you AGAIN.
Many abused people don't seem to get this and believe that the abuse was a "one time thing" and the abuser was "upset", "mad", "hurt" or "drunk". Nope, there are no excuses. Once an abuser sees that you will take their abuse, they will give it to you, regardless of who they are -- a parent or a relative or a casual acquaintance. The first time an abuse happens should also be the last time it happens. There should be no second chance. NONE, NADA, NICHT, ZILCH.
I will get off my soapbox now and end my rant, but abuse in a relationship - ANY relationship - is a not button issue for me.
04 May 2014, 1:42 am
