Unwanted attention from customers (Women Only)

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Relevant to this thread: http://www.salon.com/2016/02/01/server_ ... socialflow

When I was younger, I would sometimes even rescue these kinds of men from their own lingering discomfort by being sweet, because women are trained to reward men for all sorts of things by being sweet. I don’t do that anymore, because I’ve realized that smoothing it over with a stranger who has made me feel degraded usually feels more degrading than the actual offense and placating men in this way is a waste of my time.

Telling a woman that you think she is beautiful can seem very innocuous; sometimes it is. Sometimes, it will make her day. All this depends on context and I cannot explain when it is and is not OK, because that is like trying to explain intuition. Intuition about what will and won’t offend women is really just a set of odds, based on your lizard brain tabulating and comparing the outcomes of many similar previous interactions. But it’s important to recognize that these odds are skewed because women so often swallow their discomfort or indignation in order to keep the peace—especially if they are at work.

Although these situations are too nuanced and contextual to come down to do’s and don’ts, there are certain things to consider before giving sexual attention to a female bartender or server. Consider the power dynamic: Women will make more money if their patrons like them; often, their managers will scold them if they react negatively to what we have collectively deemed to be acceptable attention. Where does that leave the woman? She is expected to smile and say thank you, even if she feels mildly affronted, even if she finds you disgusting—although you would likely never detect this as she is forced to suspend these opinions at work.

This is why somebody putting their eyes all over me or immediately telling me they like the way I look is no longer flattering. Because it makes me feel f*****g invisible.

“Well, that person just wanted to f**k you. Maybe you are not really that smart or interesting.”

Has anyone else had to deal with unwanted attention from male customers in a job?

I work as a field sales rep so I feel particularly vulnerable because I am going out alone to visit these customers at their businesses.

The last time it happened the guy actually came out to my car. I had just left his store so I thought maybe he had another question he forgot to ask or something to tell me, something business related. He knocked on my car window and if it had been someone I didn't know then of course I wouldn't roll my window down. I don't like having a customer that I know come out to my car either but many of them are foreign and I figure maybe they don't know any better.

So I rolled the window down and he had some question that really wasn't that important. But then he just kept standing there wanting to chit chat. I was confused about what he wanted and why he kept standing there and wouldn't go on. If it sounds like I am slow well I admit it I probably am and I really don't catch on that fast. Then he started asking personal questions like whether I have a boyfriend and things like that.

I was getting more and more uncomfortable and just trying to be polite and really didn't know what to say. He finally came right out and asked me if I would go out with him. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable and I mean the last thing I want to do is offend a customer. I just tried to decline as politely as I could.

He had never given me any indication before that he was interested in me, or if he did obviously it went over my head. And I don't think he meant to scare me or anything. But a couple of things he did were kind of scary, like the way he rested his hand on my car door so I couldn't roll the glass back up. I don't know if he did that on purpose or not. And he also looked around the inside of my car while he was standing there in a way that made me really nervous.

He wouldn't go away and the more he kept standing there, the more I felt intimidated and like my brain was freezing up so I couldn't figure out what to say. I just wondered what he was going to do. I finally cranked the car up hoping that would be the final hint to make him leave, which he did. Since then when I've been back to that store, he wasn't there so I have just been taking it one visit at a time to see if anything else weird happens.

I can report an incident like this to my supervisor and ask to have the store removed from my route, but I feel like I should only do that as a last resort. I've only reported a few cases. Like one where the guy was very persistent and eventually started showing a lot of hostility towards me when I didn't reciprocate. Most of the time I can just have it removed because it's a bad store anyway, without giving my real reason. I'm afraid if I report too many, my company will start to think I can't do the job.

Most of the time they seem like they mean well and because they from foreign countries, probably just don't understand that what they are doing is considered inappropriate in this country. I also feel like maybe they are misinterpreting some of my behavior because of the cultural difference. Like maybe they are expecting some sort of signal that women from their own culture would give to say if they are interested or not.

I'm just really slow to catch on to flirting, and by the time I figure it out things are too weird and I don't know what to say. Most of them seem like they probably don't mean any harm, but it's hard to guess what someone will do if they feel offended or rejected. And others say things that are insulting but I feel like I have to be polite about it because I'm alone.

Have any other women here had to deal with something like this and how did you handle it?

Well, of course I'm trying to be polite. When I say these are customers, what I mean is they are clients. They are the decision makers at the businesses I am calling on as a sales rep. These are people I have business relationships with, so I can't just tell them to "bugger off."

As the creep is talking, just casually reach up and start picking your nose. Bonus points if you stare him in the eye while doing it.

I can't talk longer because I work to attend to/another customer appointment.
Sorry, I keep business contacts professional only.
Thankyou, but to prevent favortism I don't accept gifts from clients.

As the creep is talking, just casually reach up and start picking your nose. Bonus points if you stare him in the eye while doing it.