Why does society make it so much work to be a woman?!

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It's just so much easier for men when going out. I'm supposed to be going out tomorrow evening for dinner, but people are saying to me "you want to look 26, not 16", which means if I don't wear anything dressy enough I will look like a kid and not a woman. So to make myself look my age, I have to wear the right shoes what must go with the right trousers and the right top, and I'm prone to getting sore feet if I don't wear the right shoes for me, and it's all just added stress.

And all my boyfriend has to do is find a shirt, smart pair of trousers, and some black or brown shoes, and that's it.

I don't see how wearing smart but casual will make me look 16, because 16-year-olds love to dress up too when going out.

Reading through the posts, I saw some comments mentioning that women don't actually have to do many of these things, and I thought I would offer my thoughts on these things.

Shaving, "cute" clothes, and makeup are three things I seldom do.

I've never been scorned or admonished for not doing these things, however I definitely don't get the attention that other girls and women who do do these things seem to get.

Now let me interject here some facts about your average NT female and society. Sometime around the age of puberty, the self confidence of the average female drops significantly. Very generally speaking, most females have some degree of insecurity about their looks, and are more sensitive than males to disapproval and criticism, and simultaneously, we live in a society which is also more critical of the physical appearance (and decisions) of females, than males. We live in a society in which the concept of value and a female's appearance are linked.

Now, that being said, as I approach the age of 40, I've become more aware of the fact that women are bombarded by advertisements marketing beauty products, that prey on her anxieties and insecurities about her looks and her age.

They all imply that a woman won't be valued unless she is young and pretty, and there might be some truth to that, as we generally live in a youth obsessed society, and there are studies that indicate humans are more generous to good looking people.

So it's no surprise that many girls and women feel compelled to shape themselves into something society will approve of and value her for.

The interesting thing is, this is even true in societies where women remain covered in public. We get a lot of Saudi tourists where I am and you can very frequently find women in full niqabs in the makeup section of the department stores here. Saudi women, it turns out, who are only seen uncovered by close family members and other women, are just as obsessed with looking good as western women, and Saudi men expect Saudi women to look just as good as western women. This concept that a proper female is aesthetically pleasing dates back to antiquity, and is recorded in texts such as the old testament (The Book of Esther, where Esther undergoes a year of beauty treatments before being presented to Xerxes II), and "One Thousand and One (Arabian) Nights", in which beautiful people are a common theme in most of the stories, which were written by various authors over a large period of time.

So no, you don't have to shave your legs or armpits or spend time out of your day putting makeup on, or picking out outfits and doing your hair. However society will perceive you as it does for it.

Growing up I was mistreated a lot by adults and my peers because I'm considered "unattractive" in this society. Even as an adult others have said mean things to me about my looks.

I wear makeup, shave, wear dresses, and earrings because people are very cruel towards women that they perceive as unattractive. I feel forced to do all of this and would rather just wear jeans and t shirts, no makeup, and not shave instead.

^^Well said!

I don't care about societal standards one bit, and I am all the more happier for it.

i get the pressure. sometimes i don't understand what is pressure and what is me, and sometimes the pressure is applied to me even if i don't feel it internally.
there are also a lot of pressures which i disregard because i'm not interested or i don't like them.
all i can really do about it is support my own choices, try my best to do what makes me feel happiest, and support other women's choices no matter how they choose to express themselves.

Perhaps a naturally very attractive person can get away with not conforming to the dreadfully uncomfortable feminine standard of dress but if you are unattractive you don't have a choice if you want to avoid being constantly abused by others. People are awful I'm telling you. I'd prefer being able to go about my daily life without being harassed or being judged and punished extremely harshly.

I do a lot to look just halfway human to avoid being treated like a monster:

I have very poor vision and wear thick glasses. So I am forced to wear contact lenses to work and special events to look better.

I am hairy with disgusting facial hair. I shape my eyebrows and shave my face and body.

I have bad nasty acne prone skin. I can't just wash my face with a bar of soap and be done like I'd like. I must use stupid acne creams and washes just to have halfway normal skin.

I have ugly hideous beastly crocked teeth that I've had straightened twice. I am forced to wear my retainers every night.

I can't stand the feel of makeup on my skin, but I wear the dreadful tinted moisturizer and mascara to work.

I exercise, watch my weight, and try to stay thin. I keep my hair long and try to wear flattering styles. I wear earrings. Thanks to my sensory issues I can't tolerate lots of jewlery. I force myself to wear short skirts and dresses. They are cute but I like jeans and t shirts better.

I do all of this just to be treated just a little better in society. If left to my own devices I wouldn't shave, wear makeup, and I'd wear jeans and t shirts everyday with my glasses and no jewelry. I'd just use a bar of soap for my face.

Yes, I definitely feel forced to do all of this and quite often it still doesn't matter. Doing all of this only makes me look halfway normal and still not attractive.

I don't do all of this to attract attention from the opposite sex or because I like it. I do this to avoid harsh treatment so that I can go about my daily life in peace.

Ha-ha, I guess clothes do make the man.

I married a 21-year-old kid in blue jeans and t-shirts and grungy Reeboks.

I learned to tolerate a husband who became an upperclassman and started dressing "preppy" in Dockers and polos.

Now I'm with a man who feels the need to dress professionally in slacks, dress shoes, and a button-down. I understand that it's appropriate for his station at work and therefore necessary on the job, but I want to weep every time he puts on slacks and a button-down to go to town or out to lunch with me on a Saturday.

They are, of course, the same man. Or anyway, the same birth certificate and SSN. Because no, they are not the same man. The grungie kid was my best friend and the love of my life. The guy in the polo was a little silly, but he was my husband and I loved him. The guy in the button-down is a stiff, socially acceptable facade of conventional wisdom in whom I can find not a spark or warmth, empathy, or connection beyond bitter conservative politics and humorous small talk. The only heart connection I truly share with the man in the button-down is four kids.

I am not part of Button-Down Man's world, and he's getting farther and farther from mine.

There is such a pressure mostly put on women by other women, to dress a certain way, and it's a real thing that sometimes you will get worse treatment by a shop assistant if she doesn't think much of the way a woman customer looks in terms of dressing up or down. I've had that too once in a while in the past. But on the other hand, that super-glamourous look is not the only look there is, and not the only look that gets acceptance or approval or nice treatment by others.

There are other ways to look nice, neat and well-presented without necessarily wearing big hair, lots of makeup, high heels and other nasty, uncomfortable things.

There are ways to look where "less is more" for example.

The options are not just "extreme glamour" or "plain and frumpy." There are lots of levels in between that look nice and put together, and makeup and heels don't always need to be part of those.

I gave up heavy makeup and high heeled shoes many years ago, in favor of just a touch of makeup for a subtle enhancement, natural but nicely kept hair, and comfortable shoes with a more reasonable heel or just trainers, but ones that I find pleasing/pretty to my eye, and I color coordinate comfortable clothes. All of that is not a glam look and yet I present as "put together" and I think people find that perfectly acceptable and pleasing. I haven't sacrificed comfort but I think I still look nice and even "pretty" in my styling, it's just "comfortable-pretty."

There are lots of choices to look nice between the extremes of all dolled-up or very plain.