Women only: What age did you discover you were autistic?

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Thank you so much! Ha, I thought when I turned 30 how stupid I was when I was in my 20's...life has just begun!

It really did take a lot of work on myself to realize that maybe I was the cause for some one my problems. I do not know if it's true for everyone with such a young diagnosis and maybe it was a product of the times. Learned helplessness was a major hurdle for me to get rid of and self-advocacy was something I had to learn through therapy and constant work on myself. (The last part was the most important part, trying the exercises.)

YaaaY for self advocacy.

I was 27 when I self-diagnosed. Still on the fence about whether I should actually get an official diagnosis due to how much of a pain it can be for older women. Without knowing whether I would get to see someone who actually has experience with diagnosing adults it makes it hard for me to go ahead with it. Hopefully nothing will go drastically wrong in the meantime where an official diagnosis would be useful. :\

Questions for women:
- At what age did you realise / discover you were on the spectrum?

I was 34/35. My already diagnosed autistic best friend (from Sweden) had been bringing up that she thought I was also autistic (we had very similar struggles) since I was in my early twenties. I had so many INCORRECT preconceived notions about what autism should look like that I didn't even see it. My mental health diagnoses kept stacking up. But none of it fully made sense, and I wasn't responding to therapies the way I should have been. My friend brought up autism again, and I decided to start reading anything and everything I could find on the subject. I was shocked but relieved to finally have answers.

Note: I'm pretty sure my mom is autistic (a missed case). I have 3 nephews (one who is AFAB/trans/"feminine" autism presentation) who are also autistic. My dad has ADHD as do 2 of my nephews and my sister. My great nephew (only 2 years old) will likely be diagnosed as autistic as well (he is nonspeaking and has the stereotypical presentation).

- Also, if you are heading for or past menopause, do you think that has affected your autism?

I'm pretty sure I'm entering perimenopause, and I am struggling more than I EVER have. Meltdowns and shutdowns have increased, and I'm having a lot of other issues too. Note: I struggled terribly during puberty as well. I'm really sensitive to hormonal fluctuations, and I have PMDD as well.

Perfectly said.

As for menopause, I had a total hysterectomy at age 52, a few years after menopause, due to a related medical problem. I never had any menopausal problems at all, despite a long history of menstrual problems.

I didn't even suspect my autism until this year, at age 68. But I started to notice a deterioration in my social coping skills about ten years earlier, long after menopause. My thinking became more different than my colleagues, my special interests became more intense, I needed more solitude and sleep, I was less tolerant of change and disruptions--in short, I was becoming "more aspie", though I didn't know to label it that.

Getting my diagnosis this year has made me more accepting of these changes. My guess is that, as an older woman, I simply have less patience with masking and expectations of conformity. I don't think this has anything to do with my autistic traits intensifying; I think this is the common experience of many women as they get older. There comes a point where you just won't put up with the nonsense anymore. Or maybe society just allows women of a certain age to act this way.