ASD women with partners: how did you do it?

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It’s not the ASD. It’s that they’ve grown beyond those stupid games.

I once had a boyfriend who "tested" me. I'd not been with him long (a week or so) and one day he randomly sent me a text saying that a friend of his saw me arm-in-arm with another man in town. I hadn't done that at all, but the strange thing was it couldn't have just been a mistake because none of his friends knew me or knew what I looked like, as he didn't have any photos of me and I wasn't on Facebook or any other social media sites back then. So it was obvious that he was testing me to see what my reaction would be so that if in the future I did cheat on him or he hears some rumour that I'm cheating then he'll know whether I'm lying or not by if my reaction matches the first one.
That made me think differently of him and I worried he might turn out to be the jealous or even controling types, and I do not like being controlled.

I once had a friend in college who tried to control me, and she got mad whenever I asserted myself. But people can't fool me into doing what they want me to do. I have my own mind so being controlled makes me feel anxious and panicky. I'm so glad my boyfriend isn't the controlling type. He trusts me 100% and lets me think for myself. That's how you should be in a relationship.

Hi, I’m new to this website so just saw this posting but thought I’d chime in. I will note however that my partner is female, but I don’t think there are too many differences, especially if you are older than 25. I actually found my partner on tinder during lockdown. Because we were living in different cities it meant that the first 3 months of our relationship was online (before I drove 3000km to be with her lol). I think this was actually really great as it gave us time to get to know each other when I could think about my responses and didn’t come on as strong.

One thing that I’ve found really helpful is just discussing interests. She said that she was talking to a lot of people on tinder at the time, and was getting the same conversation over and over. I saw that she was a grad student, so started off the conversation by asking her about her research, and to tell me about what she was passionate about. I also found and read one of her published papers. We also have a ton of mutual interests in general, specifically outdoor hobbies, which means we have things we can do together on a regular basis that aren’t just talking and watching TV.

More long term, I think it has worked because we work really hard on communication and keeping our relationship healthy. My partner is ND but allistic, so we still have to translate quite a bit, but we really work on it.