After 35, you turn invisible.

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I dunno about reinvention. I am what I am. what's cool about learning I have AS though is that I think I can finally hone in on some of my real talent and forget about trying to turn myself into something I'm not.

for some reason, when I was 40 and working in tech support, college guys would come onto me. I guess I was in a place where the people around me were above average intelligence and having a weird sense of humor wasn't a liability, so I made some friends.

it's hard to find that kind of environment, but I think there are plenty of people out there who really care more about what you think than how you look. finding them is the trick, but I think they congregate in places like philosophy clubs and other special interest groups.

I'm 46 now. I have mostly positive feelings, although there are a few things that I don't like.

One thing I dislike is the change in the doctor's attitudes since I hit menopause. I had a serious medical problem and it took three doctors to determine that I had a serious medical problem because the previous doctors were treating me like a menopausal woman with the vapors. It bothered me that they assumed I was off-balance when I wasn't.

I like that the average guy no longer looks at me as a possible sex partner first. I work in a very much male field, I am a computer programmer, and for years I had to deal with them looking at my boobs and ass instead of at my work. Now if a guy is interested, it's because he actually likes me.

I like that my experience has come together enough that I am not wrestling with all the issues I had in my twenties. When I realized I was getting isolated and needed to make more friends, it wasn't an angst-filled process at all because I knew what to do.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and laugh hysterically. The outer image is so different than the inner one! Still, I don't bother to dye my hair or try to "keep myself up" in the sense of looking sexually attractive. I find that I'm at last comfortable in my own skin, such as it is. Any changes I make in my diet or exercise routine are for the most important reason of all--my continued good health.

I dislike losing the feeling that the world was my oyster, but I'm trying to "surrender gracefully the things of youth". I like that I understand this now.

I decided in the end there isn't a damn thing I can do about it anyway, so there's no point in fretting over it. Life is an adventure, and I can't wait to see where it goes next.

What a great thread!

I'm 44, and to my astonishment I find that I get hit on by younger men more and more all the time. The youngest was 17, for heaven's sake. I don't know what the hell he was thinking. Do you think younger men have the idea that all women in their 40's are cougars and we can't wait to "teach them the ropes"? I don't know any cougars myself ... I sometimes even wonder if the whole idea of a cougar was simply made up by younger men.

Anyway, I've also experienced the "you're no longer relevant" attitude that some of you have mentioned, and it infuriates me. The worst is when I get it from younger women.

And then there's the attitude from men in my own age group who assume that I must be looking for another husband. That would be amusing if it wasn't so ridiculous.

Amen! Sister

On one hand I kind of hope this is the case, on the other it annoys me.

Though I'm in my twenties the world is not my oyster, and I'm becoming tired of being looked at first (and often only) as a possible sex partner. I hope that as I become older I won't have to be ultra careful of my behaviour and safety for fear of attracting lots of unwanted attention based on what I look like.

But being invisible because I'm not in a youthful pretty package and assumed to be 'up for grabs' is a bit insulting too. Gah!

My mother still gets chatted up. She has a friendly demeanour and takes care of her appearance, so that is probably why. I remember in my late teens and early twenties I would be invisible while she got chatted up. We share similar physical attributes apart from the age difference, so I think that personality plays a large role in being visible.

The only people who approach me do so out of physical attraction. It makes me feel invisible in a different way.

Maybe it's the subconsciously perceived likelihood of a woman possibly being a sex partner/able to be flirted with that leads to all the awareness or approaches, and that's why the likelihood is mostly attributed to young girls but not always.

My mum is still beautiful at sixty and very outgoing, but I've often envied that she can confidently be friendly to men without receiving sleaziness and attempts to get with her when she's just being nice. I'm not outgoing at all, or always attractively turned out, but when I'm polite or friendly it seems to be taken as an invitation to become overfamiliar.

Yeah, I kind of know what you mean by invisible in a different way. But it's curious, I've heard this phenomenon mentioned in a book once where women that are more mature, have a little extra weight, or are not wearing makeup don't seem to be paid attention to as much or their presence remembered later.
I know when I've worn heels and mascara I've been served quickly at a shop counter, while I kept getting passed over and had to try to get served when I showed up just plain.

However, I think I'll be more comfortable and happy with myself when I eventually reach 35, however I feel about aging or whatever value others place on spring chickens.

I am about to turn 34..so one more year before I am invisible..I already sorta am invisible..but it has to do more with me being so completely non-reciprocal towards guys I am not already involved with..and since I am in an open relationship with 2 guys...it is sorta as if I don't exactly count..For each of them, there is the potential "other" on the horizon..maybe...
Anyway...
This interesting older female has recently started hanging around my venue...and she seems to have everyone quite fascinated...She must be in her late 30's...pale...heavy-set-ish....eccentric...well-travelled..."cool"....
I am at ease with her presence...and all the guys seem at least somewhat taken with her just because she is interesting and different. She is definitely not invisible...

I'm 24 and I am already pretty much being ignored. People hardly talk to me. I don't get stopped by neighbors or anything, it's rare when they say something to me.

Ditto. But anyway, you can overcome that feeling and take care of your health. Exercise and eat a healthy diet. Embrace a faith and develop your mind more. Make some money. I'm 48 and very glad to be OUT of the cattiness of other women and the sexual predation of men. The day I stopped (at age 30) giving men erections just by looking at me made my life a heaven. Now, I do what I want.
Nobody cares if I'm fat, thin, ugly, pretty...I'm free at last from the whole world's damned scrutiny and judgement based on pure superficiality. People can just kiss my gainly, 48 year old, arse.
I'M FREE!! !! !! !! !! !! !! I've had 18 years of peace! I'll never be a walking vagina again. Thank goodness!! ! Now I'm a real person. Life is finally real and freedom is heaven. I'm looking forward to being a grandmom some day. I'll be the best darned granny in the world. I just wish I could have had that attitude when I was young...I missed the most energetic part of my life because of "illusion". I spent entirely too much fuss caring for the shell when there was "NADA" inside. Everybody says the same thing, "If only I knew what I know now and could be young again....I'd conquer the world!" Life is a beautiful thing. You determine your worth...not others. Take control!! !

I'm mid-40s.

I think it's important to look after one's appearance.
Mother used to tell me she looks after herself for no one else but herself.
when I'm not looking after myself that well, I notice I'm not really well or feeling down and things tend to spiral down.

sometimes, I "cannot be bothered" and people notice.
as others had said, in our age (40 upwards), health is so important as I also have got medical conditions. exercise and diet being part of health.

I also got recently married (again, second time around). it's important to care about a lot of things including one's appearance. I like, in my age, being normal, at least on the surface, though not quite normal inside lol is also important.

everyone's different obviously.

I've always felt invisible so I'm probably not going to be to be as bothered when I hit 35 or 40. I have no idea what it's like to get a lot of male attention unless it's derogatory or for the wrong reasons.

There is something to be said for girls who only base their happiness on youth and looks alone.

I’m so different of you.
Am I mad or is it Asperger’s?

i’d loved to be invisible! What a pleasure if people are not staring at you. I used to dress badly just to avoid any attention. Walking in the streets alone is a constant pain, I have warm feelings towards people who leave me alone, are not interested in me, respect my privacy.
I fall in love with men I know I never get. I’m always in love with someone, but never in a lasting relationship.
If someone comes closer, I don’t like him anymore.

I’m 32.

Of course it’s opposite with my opinions. I would hate if no one is listening.

I sort of feel the same way depending.

The only attention I seem to attract are guys who come off overly agressive and I don't even try to flirt or look at these guys. So I guess it all depends on who you'd want to be invisible too.

I strongly relate to feeling like my opinions or anything concerning social interaction with people are avoided. I've had this problem all my life and I know it has a lot to do with my akward social skills.

Anyway, I forgot to mention on here that I knew a lady who took motivational speaking for this purpose. Not so much invisible romantically but being heard. She told me they found statistics showing that men who speak in public are more likely to be heard by both men and women than women who speak in public. I assume it's because women have softer voices and in classes where they train you to speak motively, there is the emphasis to speak loud and use subtle fluctuation in the voice when emphasize something of importance. Of course...I took the class with her and I was no good at it...go figure.

But if you look good...yeah you're more likely to recieve attention whether or not you're a good speaker.

I'm 37 and fat, so I'm invisible now. I definately feel like an unperson. Both my grandmothers divorced and never remarried, and my memories of both of them are contained in their roomfulls of books. I always saw them both as very solitary people. I was horrifed until recently at the thought of ending up like them, now I want just that. To be alone, with books, a cat or two, a computer, and maybe a television, as long as I can get Discovery and History channels. My mother is divorced too, she doesn't date, and I doubt she'll ever remarry. I've never married and now I don't think I ever will.

I hate how rude some people are because I'm not attractive anymore. Cut in front of you in line at the store (I'm not kidding, they do!) and just not see you at all (hey, bishes, I'm fat now, there's more of me to see, and even though I don't want your eyes crawling on me, I'm still puzzled at being invisible)!

What bothers me now is, I have accomplished nothing. I've written several novels, short stories, and a screenplay, but the vast majority of my writing is unpublishable, and I'm starting to think that making it as a fiction writer when I don't even understand real people is a pipe dream. I have no career, and not much hope of finding one. It's like I don't exist, or shouldn't. And since my social life is not (and except in the narrow realm of romantic relationships never has been) my main source of happiness and sense of self, I desperately want to 'make it' in a field. But not just any field. Being the best toilet scrubber, burger flipper, or floor sweeper on earth won't make me happy, it would make me horribly suicidal and ashamed.

I was always invisible. As I get older, I get crankier... someone might even see me in the next few years, if I kick up enough fuss!