Asperger's in a male partner = abuse/neglect/apathy?

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It's really weird what so-called 'normal' people can do to other people.

I agree too, I see a lot of misunderstanding between people too AS/AS AS/NT NT/NT. Relationships do fail as a result of misunderstandings. Everyone has different needs and it is important to consider our partners needs if we expect a relationship to thrive. With compatibility being quite fluid in the sense that people evolve over time it seems to reason that what once was a "'what you see is what you get' experience at the first introduction between two people" may not last.

Flakey and I have what would seem to be an ideal match in terms of compatibility...even all our astrology stuff fits together well (if one goes in to that kind of stuff)..our weird neuro-eccentric traits really balance each other out...we are really good at communicating with each other and are really good friends and all that stuff for the most part...but we have broken up..at least 3 times..and our relationship has really gone through a lot of beatings...

We definitely do better with a more fluid sort of relationship..I can't move out and completely rearrange my life just because he sneaks out in the middle of the night to be with another girl...only now that that is no longer against the rules of our relationship, he no longer has the drive to...

Men are funny.

(this in no way was intended to villify Flakey)

Yeah, that was pretty much the experience that I had.

Liking space is one thing. I like space, too. However, acting like 15 minutes a day is the most you can be bothered to interact with them and more than they have a right to expect is not. Many guys behave that way, but I have yet to observe one woman -- even one -- who does.

It's also weird when people who aren't 'normal' perceive themselves and their actions as 'normal', even when they are told to stop over and over again by many different individuals they have acted out upon. Sometimes weird is good, but sometimes, it's bad, bad, bad.

Are aspie males really this ret*d and bitter? I don't get on with NTs that well, but I'm ashamed to be associated with aspies as unintelligent as this. After reading this thread, I'm feeling really depressed and hopeless! Nts are to much for me, and aspies like this are complete jealous, woman-hating idiots.

it is a sense of taking one's limited experiences and generalizing them to a larger population without taking restricting conditions into factor. it is a very common human trait that expresses itself more in some than in others, but always in some form in everyone.

People just do not realize that the sample set they encounter over their lives is not representative of the population as a whole.

basic statistics.

Calm down, calm down! There may be 20,000 As males on this forum, tactlessly equating them with "self-centred jerks" is not going to get many positive responses, is it? . The replies seem more sarcastic, rather than deeply analysed insight, obviously I should know as I wrote one of them.

Regardless of that, I don't see how you can reject the whole thread as there are plenty of good comments here. Including several from females that feel their partners have tried to manipulate and 'fix' them, too. Manipulation is a fact in some relationships, as it is in much social activity too. A manipulator will NEVER openly say "Hi, I'm a manipulator and how do you thing I can best use you?". Accusing others is one of their tools, basically: "Behave how I want in a manner that is of benefit to me OR you are a self-centred jerk". I'll bet there are others here who have experienced that in some form.

That is what I was trying to get across. I am not saying it is anything specifically to do with female or even NT specific. This is something that all people are capable of doing. I've gotten wise to hearing of relationship problems where it is all "the other persons fault". Especially when you only hear one side of the story. It's common sense that very rarely will people admit to their own failings, it is far easier to point the finger at the 'jerk over there' as being the cause of your problems.

Personally, I'm proud of being a 'self centred jerk', as then everybody can blame me for the worlds problems. In taking on this role, I am actually being very un-selfish in that I'm really helping others feel better about themselves! Also, women find self-centred jerks irresistable, too

Calm down, calm down! There may be 20,000 As males on this forum, tactlessly equating them with "self-centred jerks" is not going to get many positive responses, is it? . The replies seem more sarcastic, rather than deeply analysed insight, obviously I should know as I wrote one of them.

Regardless of that, I don't see how you can reject the whole thread as there are plenty of good comments here. Including several from females that feel their partners have tried to manipulate and 'fix' them, too. Manipulation is a fact in some relationships, as it is in much social activity too. A manipulator will NEVER openly say "Hi, I'm a manipulator and how do you thing I can best use you?". Accusing others is one of their tools, basically: "Behave how I want in a manner that is of benefit to me OR you are a self-centred jerk". I'll bet there are others here who have experienced that in some form.

That is what I was trying to get across. I am not saying it is anything specifically to do with females or even NT's . This is something that all people are capable of doing. I've gotten wise to hearing of relationship problems where it is all "the other persons fault". Especially when you only hear one side of the story. It's common sense that very rarely will people admit to their own failings, it is far easier to point the finger at the 'jerk over there' as being the cause of your problems.

Personally, I'm proud of being a 'self centred jerk', as then everybody can blame me for their problems. In taking on this role, I am actually being very un-selfish, genuinely altruistic, as I'm clearly helping others feel better about themselves. Also, women find self-centred jerks irresistable, too

Back to the original question. There is nothing going wrong in AS/NT relationships that isn't also going wrong in NT/NT relationships. The 0.5% of AS males cannot in any way explain away the 50% marriage failure. Our culture as a whole clearly has a serious problem in maintaining long term relationships. I'd hazard a guess that we are nearly *all* too selfish, self-centred and greedy.

Men in general learn from a normal age to supress their emotions and learn the "Boy's don't cry" ideal. This is engrained into them by society, so women have the privelege to show their emotions but for men this is seen to be a sign of weakness by society. It is wrong, it is sad, it is unfair I think for AS men then therefore it is even worse. They find it terribly hard almost impossible to show the way they feel. They can love their partner intensely but find it very very hard to show them. Also they may say silly things without thinking of the repurcussions on the relationship as they find it hard to percieve how other people feel, especially sympathy and empathy.

The main way to combat this is communication. I heard socrates communication is a good way. You have to say

"Hey this really bothers me" "That was not nice why did you say that? it really hurt my feelings" as they do not mean to hurt your feelings they just cannot empathise with what they are saying.

Two partners with AS can work out very well, especially if the partners understands the difficulties that each person has.

That was a bit of common sense I didn't have five or more years ago. I became a friend and confidante to a few women over the years, and one in particular was very much of the mind that whatever an issue arose it was "all the other person's fault." But she was so articulate and persuasive as to make me feel that even though I wasn't in position to get the other side of the story, I didn't need to, as her presentations always seemed to me to make great sense.

I started wising up in the worst possible way: she eventually turned on me, and in talking to anyone who would listen to my story, I got consistent feedback to the effect that she was a master manipulator whose former apparent esteem of me was a self-serving act from day one. I eventually came to recognize her as a likely candidate for borderline personality disorder when I learned what that was. In the fallout, I finally received the education I really could have used before.

NT in a male partner

Having only known NT men, I can tell you they are all different. I actually stopped trying to find a soul mate 30 years ago, and if I found the odd date after 1980 I was satisfied. I gradually realized that it was not going to happen, and I have accepted this for a long time. I have three kids, and so I did all right.

Good luck to all, in what ever is right for you.

I'm putting a Citation into wikipedia to put "abusive jerk" under the list of possible symptoms...

I have a "boyfriend" I met through the internet who has high functioning Autism and he recently joined Wrong Planet. We met through a few things that we both enjoy: EarthBound/Mother, Pokemon, and Banjo-Kazooie. We have yet to meet each other in real life because he lives on the other side of the country and me being in college doesn't really help either. The only thing I find a bit annoying sh that he's a bit clingy and where ever I go on the internet, he usually follows. I think within the last few months he had joined a few forums/communities because I was a member there.

i am a woman with asperers' who has been in a relationship. i have been accused of abuse, neglect and apathy.