Dealing with other women

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That's a great way to look at things. I believe that being as"exclusive" as most aspies seem to be often makes our relationships more meaningful and profound.

Absolutely! I appreciate my friends because I know how rare they are! It has taken me 35 years to make the three friends that I have. If I lost one.... it could take another 35 years to find a new one!! !

Look what my sister sent me isn't it Beautiful

The lady reading this
is beautiful, classy, intelligent, articulate and
strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,
and
let her know when she walks with you,
She will always be safe.
Love you Girl!! !!

I can't believe that I haven't responded to this thread yet.
I really wish I could get along with other females...but either they freak me out, or i offend them, and i am never sure whether or not I can really trust them.

That's sad because I kind of feel the same. One minute they are nice to you - the next they stab you in the back. It's hard to find a true friend.

Though...I think I could be a true friend to someone....if it seemed worth the energy. I often imagine what it would be like to have a real female friend who i actually clicked with.

Sometimes NT girls will like me because I don't act like a normal female. I won't pretend to like someone if I don't. Even though it takes me a while to get used to people, I try to make them understand that it is my fault, not theirs. I am a giver of awesome gifts. I can be very generous and hospitable and magnanimous and whatnot..in exchange for a little bit of friendliness.

but nah....I am not worth the effort for them.

It has been years since I had a comfortable female friend. I was her kid's nanny.

I have been really lucky as an adult because I ended up going to univeristy to study geology. I have found that for the most part, girls in geology are all more or less "girly". However!! ! There are some that are more like me!! ! That is not to say that I am not femanine; I just don't care to watch soaps, chase boys or worry about the latest and greatest spa treatments and hair products. I love my geology girl friends (even though we don't see each other or talk that often anymore). We could talk about our studies and we all enjoy shopping for minerals that we can wear or make into jewelry! That seems pretty "girly" to me!

I do miss my friends, however. We just live so far away from each other and none of us is very good at keeping in touch. I have often wondered if they may not be on this spectrum that I am still not really sure if I am part of........

On the flip side of the coin.... I have a three year old little girl that I have to take to playschool. I feel so weird trying to talk to the other mothers just before pick-up time. Again, it is back to that whole thing of not caring about soap operas, coupons, shopping, "hot celebrity guys", etc... I know that not one of these women would care to chat about any of the things that I find interesting (apart from sewing, maybe - that is even considered odd these days). Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with men because I am not one, I don't fit in with most women because I have absolutely nothing in common with them apart from my gender, so I must be some weird "third gender" creature or something. It makes me feel uncomfortable.....

Ditto a million times!! But a girl can't "attempt" to belong in a gossip group. It just won't work. I tried it and got told off and insulted. I was set up because NT's know when you are desparate to fit in. They'll trick you all the time and laugh about it. Best to just be yourself even if being true to yourself means being alone all the time.
After that episode, I was more alone than ever AND got the reputation of being a total b***h when the rest of the girls were REALLY like that. This is what happened: A co-worker who I actually liked a little bit announced she was going to have a baby. I went to the ladies room when a couple of them were talking about her saying she ALWAYS looks like she's six months pregnant anyway. All I said was, "OOO girl, you are so bad!" I chuckled that's all. They told her that "I" said it. She cornered me! She told me off like you wouldn't believe. Ya see what they do! That's what I get for trying to socialize with people like that.

Can I tell you that this is exactly how I feel?

Although I think I tend to look at things in the same way as men, I don't share a lot of the specific interests of an average guy - and I'm not actually a man, of course - so I don't really fit in with them. At the same time, I don't mesh with women either because even on the few occasions where I share an interest, my entire mindset is just so very different from theirs. Even if we were to discuss or engage in a mutual interest together, sooner or later the conversation would turn a direction that would prove how alien we actually were to each other. I believe I have gender confusion issues. I don't feel right having to identify as a woman, but I don't really think I'd feel any more comfortable identifying specifically as a man.

Hot celebrity guys may be the one 'girly' interest I do have. Although I still often run into problems there because my preferences in men seem to be very different to most women's: cutesy, almost effeminiate men as opposed to musclebound 'hunks'. I sometimes wonder if the fact that I feel androgynous attracts me to men who appear the same way.

My experience showed me that if I deal with Nt's women, maybe I'll find someone enough sensitive/sensible to keep a relationship going on. Although we are 'different' somewhat and maybe sometimes we will find ourselves clashing it is possible from my own experience to relate specially if we share common interests and if she's kind and I open.
With other aspie women I could meet(very few indeed), maybe we have more in common the first time we meet, like we have similar 'emotions', but if our lifes are very different or far apart there's the possibilitie we will end clashing more harder than with Nt's, cause although we may be both aspies, if our interests are very different , the things we do, our lifes ( is quite usual among aspies males and females to clash like testing us, cause we are used to live around Nt's mainly all the time and we learned how to act among them, but when we find ourselves one with another is like we need time to adapt to each other's, in that case we also participate from the social relations Nt's use to have normally between them of love/hate) then the relationship is also harder than with Nt's.

I agree with alot being said . In my experiences through the yrs., I still have not figured out all about socialising in a group, and especially a group of women, lesbian, bi, or straight. I am a lesbian, and came out at 21, so in saying that, I have dealt with many different types of women.

I work with a group of straight women mostly older than me, one girl is younger(30's) that works a different shift, and of course I am on the outside as usual. Even though I have known some of them longer than some new employees to the area where we work. There is always some unseen, "knowing" that differentiates me from the others' that I have not pin-pointed, as of yet, even though I have tried to fit in as normal as possible. I hope I don't try to hard...but it could be that. They do seem to thrive on gossip....unrelentlessly, and seem to not have a problem talking about each other when whomever is being spoken about is not around. In a group of lesbians....I just get flustered in my usual way....and try to find some connection without alcohol(when I was younger I would use alcohol as that key to open my verbal self ), which was the only way I knew how to actually socialise as normal as I could . I hope to eventually connect with someone along the way. I have learned to mimic, and somewhat learn some ways to show I am listening, to remember to not stare while listening, to look away etc...body language is not that easy to remember.
Men are ok...and i have alot in common with them....but too at times I get stuck....and I am not sure what to talk about, and flounder. And then sometimes having a female around kind of shuts the men up to let loose...be free in conversation. But at least the men don't back stab, or are vicious like some women I have come across.

thanks

I'd have to say this is probably a common theme for spectrumite women-- having trouble with NT women. I have my circle of friends-- small but true. Most of them are guys, and most of them are ADD/ADHD or quirky in one way or another. There are a few girls-- all tomboys and quirky oddballs like me and one lesbian.

I've tried to get along with typical NT women, even after I learned of my AS (discovered at age 23) and had learned some social adaptation, but still failed. There are some that are nice enough, but you know you can't really trust them in the end. It's a shame too that I had to learn the hard way what really goes on in those kinds of relationships. I've learned the art of holding back just enough of my oddness for the sake of maintaining a business relationship with my co-workers while still being able to be my (not so) normal, Aspie self. Believe me, it's a tough thing to balance, and I only think I've been so successful with it thus far because I am good at my job and everyone knows they can come see the Blue one when they have a question or need to pick the mind of the human database.

One NT relationship I'm struggling to make work is the one with my step-mom. Although I understand why she's so gossipy and girly-like and that it's supposed to be normal (I do a lot of the polite "smile and nod" bit when she's chit-chatting), it's hard to separate malicious intent from just being typical NT-female. I like her in general, but lately some of her NTness has not been meshing well with my Aspieness. It boggles my mind sometimes just how superficial she can be. The only thing that matters is that she's good to my Dad, and actually might be good for him as his social "translator". My introvert Dad (from whom I'm pretty sure I got my AS-- he's all but acknowledged the terminology himself when we talked about his past) needs someone to push his social boundaries a bit. Work relationships don't help him because he's an engineer and is surrounded by introverted dweebs all day (and I mean "dweeb" in the highest respect-- I'm a huge nerd and proud of it ). Sometimes I wonder how the two fit as a couple, but it seems to work.

Some relationships are necessary for the sake of work or family, and those relationships are the ones on which we benefit from social practice, but outside of that, don't worry if you're finding that you're only making friends with guys or lesbians or tomboys. Make friends with those who respect you for who you are and with whom you share common interest.

Ignore them if at all possible, if they get in your face just act calmly contemptuous.

Most teenage girls are absolute s**ts, unless they're from one of the subcultures, who tend to have different attitudes.

I just can't have any women friends. I know it has to be me, but I can't stand the gossip, manipulation, cliques, etc. Someone is a friend one minute and not the next. I just don't have the energy for all of that. I do prefer to have men as friends, but I really would like to have a good woman friend.

They'll fight over freaking dresses. I mean come on. Dresses!! !! !! !! !! Why do NT women fight over such trival things such as freaking dresses? Why do they turn against me when I question them on this and either call me an as*hole or say you won't understand?

I get crap over my shoes a lot. Shoes are not cheap and easy for me to come by, and I'm particular about styles (not what's in, but what fits me best and looks nice). I have a size 12.5 women's, and I refuse to pay $60+ for a pair of shoes. Women have a serious preoccupation with other womens' shoes.