Chivalry is stupid

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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03 Oct 2010, 7:33 pm

Good. I don't like my ass kissed. If you really want to impress me, be yourself.

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Pistonhead
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03 Oct 2010, 7:40 pm

You don't want me to be myself, I'm just as much of an as*hole as we already know.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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03 Oct 2010, 7:44 pm

I appreciate honesty. If you're anyone but yourself, you aren't being honest.

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03 Oct 2010, 8:57 pm

menintights wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

I'm sorry if I'm not meant to be posting in this section, but I agree 100% with this. I've never seen why women should be treated better than men, surely it should be equal?

The problem is the assumption behind chivalry is that women are less capable than men, which I do not think translates to women being treated "better" than men. Chivalry is just another way for men to assert their presumed superiority to women, but it is done in a way that makes it almost impossible for women to find faults with it. Just look at half of the responses that women who stand in defense of chivalry gave, and notice how our own chivalrous gentleman sluice expects women to be grateful for something so trivial in spite of being fully aware that it's all "just a display." If I didn't know any better, I'd think a chivalrous gentleman was just another synonym for the notoriously passive-aggressive Nice Guy™.

Weird.

I read an article on "Nice Guys" written by a dude, and he brought up pretty much the same point. Creepy males who push the chivarly card as if we were still living in King Arthur's Camelot are often the same "nice guys" who expect women to pay for male "niceness" with sex.

Very astute observation!

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Pistonhead
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03 Oct 2010, 9:01 pm

Well they should lol. Not really but they shouldn't try trapping "nice guys" in their web of monogamy with no benefits and not even the right to take care of their own needs.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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03 Oct 2010, 9:06 pm

Pistonhead wrote:

Well they should lol. Not really but they shouldn't try trapping "nice guys" in their web of monogamy with no benefits and not even the right to take care of their own needs.

Please keep in mind nobody is talking about you or your ex.

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Pistonhead
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03 Oct 2010, 9:12 pm

Only singular on the ex? There's multiple ones and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been there. Women have conflicting expectations with men and it leads to all kinds of this BS.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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03 Oct 2010, 9:19 pm

Pistonhead wrote:

Only singular on the ex? There's multiple ones and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been there. Women have conflicting expectations with men and it leads to all kinds of this BS.

*shrug*

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Laz
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04 Oct 2010, 3:07 am

And here I was thinking Chivilary was mostly a code of battle between two gentlemen in oversized plated metal armour, swinging around a big penis extension called a lance whilst on top of a horse. Basically having a fight in a "gentlemen" like manor to see who is the better man and who is more skilled at dick slappin' each other with their penis extensions so incase they have to really fight they can remember what direction to aim their penis at the enemy....

Opening doors for women is now the modern day equivilant of this code? Well I guess it makes sense usually its a non-verbal gesture of "do you want some dick?" as Chris Rock would say

mechanicalgirl39
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04 Oct 2010, 10:45 am

F**k chivalry. S**t, hate, VOMIT.

I am an able bodied adult. I do not need someone to open a door for me when I'm carrying NOTHING just because I'm a woman. And no, I don't need someone to carry 10 f*****g kilograms of shopping for me, and no, I don't need another fighter in martial arts class to go easy on me when he's my OWN size and strength just because I have ovaries. For the love of god. You want to be respectful to women? Treat them as regular old human beings, no more, no less. And I'll do it back, no problem.

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mechanicalgirl39
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04 Oct 2010, 10:54 am

Yasmine wrote:

I find displays of chivalry very unpleasant, it makes me nervous over what people expect in return. Even though I've never asked for the favor. To my mind chivalry is this; man does thing I never asked for or even needed = man thinks he's being kind = man thinks I should be nice to him in return even though I've never given him any impression that I like him. Chivalry is the horrible social deal of random men doing tasks nobody needs done in exchange for thinking I'm a b***h if I don't like them instead of just a random girl who has no reason to have an opinion of them.

I've also found that guys who think chivalry is somehow necessary or demanded of them is really problematic to date. Because at first they offer, nay insist, on paying for dates. And then somewhere along the way they find out that they can't keep this up economically. That hurts their pride so they either 1) get really passive-aggressive and defensive or 2) shy and don't know how to handle it or even 3) angry and claim it's your turn to pay him back. And it's just so unnecessary because I've offered to pay all along... though of course being told I'm in his debt after a long period of time of him giving away stuff (that I offered to pay equally) is just creepy, manipulative, and unacceptable.

(ps. none of that I said refers to acts of kindness given to both genders)

YES exactly. I don't wish to have someone pay for me and give me free stuff all the time...I don't want to be in a position akin to being a child.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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04 Oct 2010, 10:57 am

Laz wrote:

I noticed you didn't give your actual opinion of modern day chivalry.

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Rose_in_Winter
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04 Oct 2010, 3:31 pm

I agree with the OP about chivalry, and I'm with Erisad on the common courtesy thing. However, I love it when someone else orders for me. My father did it for me when I was a little girl, and one of my ex bf's always said, "And the lady will have." Talking to people I do not know is extremely difficult for me (which my father knows; it's why he ordered for me when I was a child). I have a hard time holding eye contact long enough to place an order (my husband says it seems rude if I look away before I finish). I love going out to dinner, but ordering food almost makes it not worth it. My husband refuses to order for me, though; he says I need to learn to do it for myself. He's probably right!

TeaEarlGreyHot
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04 Oct 2010, 3:35 pm

Rose_in_Winter wrote:

Rose, I order for myself and I have the same issue. You know how I get around it? I pretend I've forgotten what I wanted and look at the menu as I order.

I don't need someone else ordering for me. Even if it does seem rude when I do it.

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Pistonhead
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04 Oct 2010, 3:44 pm

My ex ordered for me at fast food restaurants

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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04 Oct 2010, 3:51 pm

Not what we're talking about, Pistonhead. lol

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