moms with AS

Post Reply New Topic

So today was the nanny's third day. My daughter is a bit clingy and still getting used to the new person, so I didn't get a lot of time to myself, but we did manage to get to the store up the street and buy her a new pair of shoes, which is great (this task had seemed almost insurmountable on my own) ...except that I didn't do any of the stuff I had actually intended to do. Oh well. The rent's only eleven days late...

What I'm finding it difficult to adjust to (with the nanny) is having another person around all day, especially a stranger. Especially, in this case, a really ditzy stranger. I keep trying to remind myself how helpful she is, and that when the baby's used to her I'll get more time to myself.

The baby definitely gets more fun and interesting all the time, but that doesn't change my inability to multitask. When I'm in charge of the baby, too much of brain is devoted to watching her (even if she's playing by herself) for me to be able to do anything else except housecleaning.

So today was the nanny's fourth day and she dropped the baby! Not far, and the baby is fine. But I'm having enough trouble adjusting to having a (ditzy) stranger in my home, looking after my child. How am I supposed to relax if I'm worried that the nanny is going to drop my baby? And I wasn't terribly impressed with the way she dealt with it either... answering important questions like What happened? and What part of her hit the ground? The baby's father doesn't think it's a big deal: it could happen to anyone. Except that we've had the baby for a year, and it hasn't happened to us. And if this girl freezes up under pressure, what will she do if the baby is really hurt and I'm not around?

Ack! What do I do? This girl is going to be back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning and I'm trying to figure out what to say to her. "If it happens again you're fired"? I don't want it to happen again!

See now this is where having more than one friend in my time zone would be good.

Sorry I appear to be taking over this thread...

First things first....relax.

It's time to wean your baby. I did home daycare for six years, and yes, I'm an Aspie. I also have two of my own kids. You need to create a schedule for your child, and stick to it.

Write it down. Breakfast at this time, 5 min for clean up, play time in the high chair for 10 min while you tidy up. ETc....every min accounted for including nap times, and activities and walks and with or without your au-pair. You don't have a nanny, you have a mother's helper. Nanny's are like have a surrogate mother. They will set schedules and activities etc.... Helpers are like babysitters that hang out with your kid while you are around.

Don't expect this helper to take too much responsibility to organize and do stuff. Give her the list you make up as an a sheet, and get her to follow it....you too!

Your child at one is old enough to drink from a sippy cup and obey basic commands. They can play in their high chairs or cribs for limited times (5-15 min). Get online and look at what most 1 year olds are able to do.

You also need to schedule yourself. The first year with a baby is rough. They are disorganized and everything is so baby-centered. You can look forward to things getting better. But you have to work on it. You can do it. Trust me....It takes planning and work.

Yes, there are days you want to hide...but that is why you also organize for the baby's father to take time to spend with them. You get time off that way.

Update:
The nanny did not drop the baby! She thought she had, but when we recreated the incident the next day I realized that the baby had fallen over on her own. So that's good.

Recently moved into my own place, so I no longer have to deal with my baby-daddy's entropy engine: Huge relief. Still having trouble dealing with having the baby and nanny in the house though. For instance, right now I'd like to get dressed so that I can go out and buy groceries (I'm a bit phobic about buying groceries; I have to psych myself up for about a day beforehand). But the baby is asleep on my bed. If I go into my room and start opening drawers etc., she will wake up and want my attention and then cry because I'm busy and the nanny will take her instead: I can't deal with this, so I'm avoiding getting dressed.

I've decided that I want to send her to daycare so that I can have my space to myself during the day. She's on a waiting list at a wonderful place, but I don't want to wait that long. However, everybody says it's crazy difficult to get a daycare spot in this town...

Other good news: Weaning is moving along: She now nurses only twice a day and I expect those to be gone within a couple weeks. So nice to have my boobs back!

Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for your support and advice. Keep it coming! I want to hear about other people's experiences! Specifically, how do you deal with the need to multitask?

Wow, I really need to psych myself up to go shopping, too. I hate it!! !! But, we have to do it and I find not putting it off to be the best advice. 'Do what you have to do' is what I always say.
Getting your child into a daycare is a great idea. I definitely needed it even on days I didn't work. Everyone needs time to themselves. I hope you have continuing success. Stay in touch and remember that you are not alone.

Going to be a Mom. I have HFA.

-SpaceCase

I am glad to hear that it's a good thing for you that you're going to be a mom. I wish you the best.

I have two little girls now but have decided that is enough for me. They are awesome but I honestly can't handle any more.
It is a bit difficult although they do mean everything to me.
(I have a tubal scheduled)

I made another post before i saw this one (i wonder if it could be merged or something)

I'm a mum of two, a 3 year old girl who has traits and is "gifted" (i hate that label, but she is what they describe as gifted) and a 1 year old boy, too early to tell but nothing significant, he does seem to have an interest in wheels. Husband is an NT introvert (he got above average on the Autism Quotient quiz but i'm certain he's NT) i'm self diagnosed AS (above average 37 on the AQ quiz and 137 very likely on the aspie quiz, much research brings me to my conclusion)

I became a mom 5 weeks ago, and am diagnosed AS.
Loving being a mom!
Only problem I having is the huge exhaustion of having no time at all alone. I am TOLD that this lessens after the first few weeks... I am not sure though. I am afraid to let her out of my sight.

I worry a lot that she won't get enough attention and socializing as a result of my difficulties. As a result, I suspect she is GROSSLY over-mothered!

I have AS and I have five kids. I have one 21 year old son who was early onset bi polar but otherwise NT and a 18 year old NT daughter. I have a 16 year old daugher who has AS but is in denial and will only accept her diagnosis as ADD, OCD, Social and general Anxiety and she has sensory issues and small motor skill problems. I have a 6 year old son who we are still doing the waiting game with the system to get him diagnosed and I have a 3 year old daughter who is diagnosed ASD. My daughter gets a lot of services because she was diagnosed before age three. I can say that I do much better with my autistic kids that my two NT children....especially my bi polar son. Dont tell them I said this but Im glad they are adults now LOL

wow! I can't imagine having that many kids. I have a hard enough time with my 2 NT's who are teenagers. But, since our house is central to everyone else's, we often have more than 5 kids here. And they are all teenagers.