more vulnerable to sexual assault/abuse than NT females?

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169Kitty
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20 Jan 2012, 12:28 am

I was defiantly vulnerable. I didn't have any friends so when a guy my oldest brothers age moved in and paid attention to me I was thrilled. You can imagine what happened next. I already had a tendency not to talk about anything bothering me.

Now I don't place myself in high risk situations. I don't go to bars, I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't hang out with people who do. I don't go outside alone at night except to drive somewhere or take out garbage. I keep my door locked at all times. I won't live in areas where there tends to be a lot of drunk people. Around my town it seems like all the sexual assaults are done by people the victim knows or where drugs/alcohol are involved.


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lostonearth35
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26 Jan 2012, 2:41 pm

I hated almost everything sexual at a teenager and I still do, so if a guy so much as put his hand on me I would scream and freak out.
"No means no" was a rule I followed to nearly a fault. Most boys did not find me attractive anyway because I was really fat and only cared about drawing cartoons. But one time I had gone out for lunch and as I was walking back to the school a boy and his friends came up behind me and started saying he wanted to stick his big fat d***k up my a** and other vulgar, disgusting things, and then he put his arm around me. I screamed at him and ran to the school and told the principal everything. I never saw that pervert again, maybe he got expelled. But I suppose some other girls with AS might be more naive and easily fall for sweet talk from a boy, especially if they are growing up without a father figure to begin with.



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26 Jan 2012, 3:18 pm

I lost my virginity against my will but I doubt anyone would call it rape. I think aspie girls are easier to take advantage of. Boys, especially in their teenage years, are supremely horny and some of them can't stop once their engines are revved. They didn't call it date rape in the 70's and sexual harassment was a term we were just learning. Since then, I've been pressured into situations I was uncomfortable with. Then, I was married for 20years. He cheated and gave me an STD, which finally woke me up to doing something.

What makes me sickest is how long he was cheating, some of it right in front of me, and I was CLUELESS. He kept my family away so there was no one to tell me.

I dated a few men after the divorce but they're all the same except with Viagra... gross. I've been single now for 13 years. I could date, I get asked, but I always make an excuse. For now, I'd rather be single and alone than go through a betrayal like that again.

Now, if it was George Clooney asking, I could change my mind...

To the younger girls, I can only say proceed with great caution. Get yourself a wing-woman, or gay wing-man you can trust.

Get a dog.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:21 pm

unduki wrote:
I lost my virginity against my will but I doubt anyone would call it rape.


The very definition of rape is "sex forced on a person against their will".



unduki
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26 Jan 2012, 3:39 pm

Tequila wrote:
unduki wrote:
I lost my virginity against my will but I doubt anyone would call it rape.


The very definition of rape is "sex forced on a person against their will".


Yyyyeah... so, what's your point?


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:42 pm

unduki wrote:
Yyyyeah... so, what's your point?


The point is that if you were raped, you were raped, and I would call your experience rape. An awful lot of other people would too.



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26 Jan 2012, 3:48 pm

As an aspie male I have over the years received mental and emotional abuse from a few women close to me

In retrospect, those who were abusive, had been abused and/or were from abusive families



unduki
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26 Jan 2012, 4:10 pm

Tequila wrote:
unduki wrote:
Yyyyeah... so, what's your point?


The point is that if you were raped, you were raped, and I would call your experience rape. An awful lot of other people would too.


Yes, but as I wrote, in the 70's, no one but me would have called it rape. Women were blamed so we kept our mouths shut.



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26 Jan 2012, 4:13 pm

unduki wrote:
Yes, but as I wrote, in the 70's, no one but me would have called it rape. Women were blamed so we kept our mouths shut.


I understand that but you said...

unduki wrote:
I lost my virginity against my will but I doubt anyone would call it rape.


...and I did call it rape.

Yes, attitudes towards rape/sexual assault have changed a lot in the past few decades. The police used to treat rape victims appallingly; this has now changed an awful lot here.



Zhane
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26 Jan 2012, 5:08 pm

It breaks my heart to say that I also have similar stories and I can honestly say from speaking with a male aspie that they are also abused as well. I have major trust issue when it comes to relationships in general and it's hard to build it back up once it's taken away from you. It has cause be to have major anxiety issues.



unduki
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26 Jan 2012, 10:22 pm

Zhane wrote:
It breaks my heart to say that I also have similar stories and I can honestly say from speaking with a male aspie that they are also abused as well. I have major trust issue when it comes to relationships in general and it's hard to build it back up once it's taken away from you. It has cause be to have major anxiety issues.


You're absolutely right Zhane. I know 4 autie guys and over the past 35 years, each one of them suffered through miserable marriages until the women using them threw them away. It was like watching a horrible trainwreck each time. I haven't seen two of them for awhile. I think they became hermits.


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26 Jan 2012, 11:32 pm

unduki wrote:
To the younger girls, I can only say proceed with great caution. Get yourself a wing-woman, or gay wing-man you can trust.


Yeah. I wish I had an older sister or someone like that who could have told me what to expect from guys. I was totally clueless, and I thought I knew more than I did which made it even worse. Looking back I just think in despair, why didn't anyone tell me?

My parents sure didn't teach me how to protect myself. They were more worried about making sure I was nice to everyone, than teaching me how to watch out for predators.



Scatmaster
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03 Feb 2012, 11:08 am

Sadly I agree that us women are vulnerable to assaults. But in my case, this happened many times in my teenage years, and was the first sign of something wrong. Prior to the assaults, I was just another female nerd who was more into being on my own than anything, but no diagnosis. Afterwards, I had counselors, depression, retreated socially, grades dropped, switched schools, and teachers agreed that I needed an assessment for a learning disability, but it didn't happen until university, and I had to initiate the process. People say women hide it better and tend not to get diagnosed as a kid as a result, but in my opinion us females have a hard time in our teenage years as a result of not being aware of our vulnerability... Does anyone else have an experience with not being diagnosed until adulthood and having sexual assaults happen before diagnosis?



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03 Feb 2012, 11:18 am

unduki wrote:
Tequila wrote:
unduki wrote:
Yyyyeah... so, what's your point?


The point is that if you were raped, you were raped, and I would call your experience rape. An awful lot of other people would too.


Yes, but as I wrote, in the 70's, no one but me would have called it rape. Women were blamed so we kept our mouths shut.


Interesting. Did anyone have experience reporting rapes to a police? Because when I have (two different occasions) I find they are wary of me. One decided not to press charges since I was emotionally unstable (and felt like I was being grilled, maybe my communication was suspicious). The other dismissed my claim of rape since I did not verbally say no, or so he said, but I did tell him I said no afterwards, but I guess he didn't trust that since it was after he mentioned it. I think my communication is a barrier to reporting it to police...



169Kitty
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04 Feb 2012, 6:11 am

I agree with the OP's theory that girls on the spectrum are more prone to sex abuse.

I was abused as a child by a guy my oldest brothers age. I was vulnerable because I had no friends and finally someone was paying attention to me.

Now I have paranoia about dealing with strangers of either sex. I won't put myself in a situation that even has a potential to lead to something horrible. Unless someone is really drunk or VERY high on some type of drug I can't tell when someone is under the influence so I feel like I'm vulnerable in any situation where drugs or alcohol are being used. I don't use them myself because I hate the feeling of not having control over my actions.


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little_black_sheep
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06 Feb 2012, 12:23 pm

I certainly wear a big fat target on my forehead. It seems that I do send the wrong signals to men. They often assume that I am interested when there is nothing farther from my mind. Usually, I do not see it coming. There always seem to be so many reasons why they never would... and then I freeze. It is difficult for me to determine when someone is going too far and I should say no. That is not because I am not very uncomfortable, but because I am always uncomfortable as soon as somebody touches me - even in the most casual way and independent of the gender.


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