Are you afraid of having a child be on the spectrum?

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Well Joker, I'm expressing my honest opinion. I believe that there's a lot more to it than what they're actually saying.

Nothing against you personaly you just at times come off as bitter that is my honest opinon.

though I would so love a child who has asperger syndrome. If he or she is anything like me school will be easy for them.

Well, you're partially right about that.And other seeing aspies reject their own kind by wishing that THEIR children won't be aspies certainly contributes to my feelings of bitterness.

I dislike that to trust me I would rather bring a aspie into this world then I would a NT I prefer it that way to.

I hate NTs sometimes.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT!! !

I sincerely hope you do have children, and while I don't mean to rush you I hope you do it sooner rather than later. Nothing I want more than for aspies to breed more aspies.

No, I wasn't afraid of having disabled children. My mother didn't want me to have children, but (very unlike her) I was born to be a mother. Realizing before I had children that I wouldn't think less of my children, I started having faith in myself again.

My husband and I are both autistic and dyslexic, and I have other disabilities as well. As for the kids,

Daughter, 17: ADHD, hyperlexic, and undiagnosed autistic
Nephew (Adopting), 14: Autistic
Daughter, 8-going-on-9: Dyslexic
Daughter, 7: Autistic
Son, 2-going-on-3: Neurotypical until further notice
Daughter, 2-going-on-3: Autistic
Daughter, 2-going-on-3: Autistic w/ hypersensitivity and anxiety
Daughter, newborn: Too soon to tell
Daughter, newborn: Too soon to tell

Yep, that's three two-year-olds and two newborns.

I don't necessarily want children, however, if I did change my mind for me a child's neurological-type is not relevant. I've never even thought would I prefer an AS or NT child, nor have I considered the possibility of having Aspie kids that much. I've just felt that raising a child with love, knowledge and the guidance for life they need to know and to accept them regardless is the main thing.

Lots of kids there. Must be hard work but a blessing too

I'm more concerned about any potential future children of mine developing epilepsy, which is genetic on my father's side of the family.

I'm unsure. I guess as someone who isn't NT and sees the word differently, I'd rather have that.

I want an NT child. I think it's cruel to bring a child into this world and put them through the same s**t I had to put up with all my life. And I will be able to relate to it if it was NT, because my mum's NT and I can relate to her, I'm really close to her and she's really close to me.

But not only that - it's the abnormalcy AS brings in the home. A lot of people with AS are angry, or anxious, or depressed, or irritable. I know I am, and I get stressed out over unusual things what others wouldn't, and it upsets the household, and so this will be what I'll have to deal with if I have an Aspie child. I get upset over things like the kitchen drawer not being completely shut. Seeing it almost shut but not quite shut really upsets me, and sometimes I punch it shut in a temper. I just don't feel right until it's completely shut. And there are things what make me want to roll on the floor screaming and crying at aswell. And I don't want my child to have this behaviour. I want normality. I feel so sorry for my mum, I think half the reason why I hate myself is from guilt of all the stress I have caused my mum over the years of growing up.

Also, it is very upsetting when your child doesn't have any friends at school - especially when they are born to desire friendships but can't seem to fit in. It's upsetting for the child and the parents. I know I had the same experience when I was a kid, especially when I got to High School. I used to cry a lot and long for a friend, but nobody would be my friend. Well, I did have friendships on and off, but they weren't proper friendships, I never got invited out at week-ends, and I was never really treated as a proper friend, I was just there for them to use when they didn't have anybody else (ie their real friends are absent or have temporarily fallen out or got a boyfriend or something). It made me feel so miserable that each week-end and holiday I was lonely, and it was hurtful for my mum too. Thank god I had cousins who came up and played with me, but I couldn't rely on them all the time because they were NTs and so had friends of their own, and I couldn't stop them from having other friends (although I did get horribly jealous). I really don't want my child to go through this same s**t, because it is very likely that an Aspie child has more chance of experiencing this than an NT child has.

I'll be supportive to my child/children whether they are AS, NT or anything else for that matter.

That is absolutely true. On my part at least.

I was talked down to in school because I couldn't always follow the way the teacher taught. I was bullied because I said and thought things that were different. I have been reject numerous times for not understanding situations and what is appropriate to say. I was mocked by my family for thinking differently, and still am by them.

So after all that how can I not hate myself?

It's hard to not think of yourself horribly when you are constantly treated like a weirdo. I don't want a spectrum child because of the world, not because of the child. I know that in my home, there wont be such rejection. But I can't change the world and make my child's life easier than mine. I want my child to be able to fit in better than myself. And be happier than me...

I am not afraid of having a child on the spectrum if I have a second child. Thinking back on my own experience growing up, I personally feel like having parents who made a genuine effort to understand me and give me what I needed (which I didn't, and don't) would have made all the difference, regardless of the rejection and bullying I faced from the rest of the world. That gives me trust that if I have a child with needs similar to mine, I can provide the atmosphere of safety and acceptance that I so needed and lacked, and thereby make his or her life many times easier and happier than my own.

I'm afraid to have kids, period. If my child was born NT, it would never be happy because it'd be brought up by me, and I'm not fit to be a parent anyway because I have such low self-esteem and a lot of self-hatred, and so my child will most probably pick it up from me and have low self-esteem and shyness too. Plus my family are quite shy people, and so I doubt I will marry an outgoing, confident man, he'd probably either be Aspie, or a shy, unconfident NT, or have some other condition other than AS, and so two parents with low sense of social esteem won't bring up a confident, happy, outgoing child if we tried. So why bring a child into this world who's going to suffer anyway? And as for the chances of my child being Aspie, then no, I am not cruel enough to bring an Aspie child into this screwy world. If I suffer with AS, my child will too.

I don't think I would mind either. My son who has autism passed down due to my AS is brilliant. I know if I want to do a chore around the house I can do as he'll be engaging in his interest at the time. He rarely has meltdown and is a very sweet little boy. He's happy in his own little world and allows people to come in from time to time. This is hard due to his very limited language at 5 and he's developmentally still a 2 year old. But the thing I've learnt that every new thing he does is like a celebration as with a NT child I would probably miss it and just expect them to do so. As for friendships he actually has friends in school who invite him to birthday parties, maybe we'll manage dinner round our house with one of his friends before the summer holidays, if not always next year. This will probably change as he gets older and infact he might not even want friendships. As long as he's happy really.

Honestly I would love my child equally whether they were on the spectrum or not. Would I have a preference whether I want my child to be on the spectrum or not? Yes, and no I wouldn't want my child to be on the spectrum if I could help it and not for my sake, for their sake. I know it's a struggle being on the spectrum myself and I couldn't even fathom how difficult it would be for those who are lower-functioning than others. Either way I would support my child no matter how they were born and love them all the same.