Is it common for women with AS to get taken advantage of?

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When I was a teenager I was too naive and trusting and couldn't always tell if someone at school really was being nice to me or just pretending, and would be nasty a few minutes later. So I learned never to trust any of them. This was by both genders, although nearly all the boys were cruel, immature and nasty to me and wouldn't even pretend to be nice while most of the girls were cold and indifferent.

Yes, I believe it is common for aspie females unless they learn not to trust anyone like I did.

I still tend to trust people. I don't know why.

The problem is he's assuming that harassment is a message of desirability or that it makes a woman feel desirable, and apparently won't listen to any woman tell him otherwise. He acts like he knows what we feel and experience better than we do.

Male entitlement at its finest.

Holy maundering cockamamie bollocks, Batman!

No. Harassment is about power, not desirability. It is about power refracted/expressed through sexual channels - maybe that's why you're confused. That is the key difference you really, really ought to note. You may not agree or understand, but accept it. This is like when a boy bullies a girl, and people say 'oh, he likes you!'. Just no.

Your problems are real, and deserving of consideration. But there is NO balance here, no 'on the one hand men harass you, but on the other hand I can't even get harassed'. What next? 'On the one hand the police keep pulling you over because you're a young black man driving a nice car, but on the other hand no-one gives a s**t about what I'm driving. So really we're both victims.'?

Yes, when I fall for a man, I fall heavily to the point where I don't see the effect the relationship is having on me. I'm loyal to a fault. It has taken me awhile to see that as lonely as I may be in life, a man who hangs around me may not be doing me any favor or adding to my life in a positive way. So yes, I've been taken advantage of. This goes for female relationships, too. I have a tendency to get into friendships where the other person does all the talking. It has taken me awhile to see that it's not that I have nothing to say, it's that I need space and silence to find myself. I wish my parents had seen this when I was younger, instead of throwing me into social situations for shock therapy.

Maybe instead it's a better idea that you stop posting in the Women's Discussion forum, as you seem to have trouble doing that without derailing threads and upsetting the women in the discussions you participate in. Your ignorance about sexual harassment and abuse has certainly contributed nothing positive to THIS thread, that I can see.

QFT.

I guess that's just how he feels personally about it. No, he doesn't know how it feels, but we really don't know how he feels either.

I can only imagine how it feels to be in his situation. And if he wants to explain his opinions, I can listen.

All you can do is present your information and experiences. If he doesn't agree, so be it. It doesn't render our opinions or experiences as invalid.

It's true that many men minimize sexual harassment and abuse of women. But there are many that don't. I know it's upsetting because it feels like women are not respected, and we haven't been respected at all in the past by society in general.

But I've also noticed that there are women that are hostile towards men as well, and perhaps overly sensitive. I don't think that's fair either. I'm not talking about anyone it particular, it's just something I've noticed in general.

When you want to get someone to see your point of view, it's never helpful to be hostile or aggressive. It really just pisses people off, and then they are less likely to consider anything you have to say, because now they are angry and feel defensive. At that point they aren't going to care what you say.

This goes for anyone trying to make themselves heard, not just men vs women. So I really don't think men should not be allowed to post in the women's forums. Men also have a right to their opinion, even if it's not something we agree with. As long as they are respectful.

Are you aiming this at me? I don't feel like it's my responsibility to get anyone to understand my point of view in a discussion like this. Sometimes people won't listen anyway no matter what you say, they already have their minds made up. I post more for the women who might relate to what I'm saying and hopefully might feel better after seeing someone speak up.

Sexual assault and harassment are very sensitive topics and can dredge up bad memories and fear and trauma for a lot of people, for both males and females. When you say women might be "overly sensitive" it puts a really bad taste in my mouth. I like my sensitivity. I want to be sensitive, because in my experience losing that sensitivity is a sign of being numbed out and dissociated.

This is a women's subforum so I feel like the priority of understanding and empathy here goes to the women. I have a pretty low opinion of seeing a thread about sexual assault derailed like this, and if you knew me you'd realize I have been extraordinarily polite about it. If this was a different kind of forum I would be much more blunt about my opinions. But this is an autism forum, and most people posting here have challenges of one kind of another in communication, so I try to be more patient with blundering.

That's just about the limit of my sympathy though. I can forgive the lack of sensitivity people show sometimes, but I'm not going to give someone a pass on the attitudes and beliefs they choose to express. If men have a right to state their opinions here, however misguided, we also have the right to call them on it and to do so with emotion.

It's your thread though so if you don't like my posts I will bow out.

No, it wasn't aimed at you at all. It was just a general statement about some things that I notice people do.

For instance, animal rights activists often get really angry and nasty, and then nobody wants to listen at all. I believe in animal rights, but even I get annoyed when others get very much in my face about their opinions, and refuse to compromise on anything.

I think the same can be said about anyone with a strong opinion about something. I have noticed quite a few people on the forums that tend to get really emotional about a subject and then get really confrontational and seem to want an argument instead of a discussion.

And when I said "overly sensitive", I meant that some women take things the wrong way. If it's something that one has strong emotions about, perception can be colored by those emotions. And it's not just women, obviously. I personally know someone in real life that takes things to be an offense because he already is sensitive to it, and he misinterprets the intent.

I just want everyone to get along, honestly.

Jujitsu is a great core workout too, I think Krav has good posturing for a confrontation, but Jujitsu is pretty valid in that area too and a strong core is a great investment to make in yourself. All of my friends are way older than me, as a demographic, older people just seem more stable, I haven't been proven wrong so far.

I've always wanted to learn martial arts so it's probably a good idea to start learning. I don't know if I'm too old to start but I don't think I'd have trouble learning it.

I'll have to take the time to look in my area for options again.

Well, I don't know what you mean by "older people" but I always was friends with those older than myself, even in high school. I never really got along with people my age. I don't know why. Now I just never go anywhere where I have the opportunity to talk to anyone.

Actually it was wilburforce who distorted the conversation into a pissing contest about who has it worse, the discussion was in-topic before her post.

Nooo, wilburforce commented sarcastically on the way some autistic men may regard this discussion, which is relevant to the discussion. It's hard to miss the persistent comments made by autistic men on this forum that autistic women have an easier time dating. Commenting about it is NOT an invitation for men to come start a competition.

We were talking about whether being taken advantage of is an autistic issue or not. If it's part of being autistic, then it has an impact on our ability to date and have relationships, and in fact might make dating dangerous for some of us. That is entirely relevant to this discussion. Our feelings about autistic men saying they have it worse, or that we should consider ourselves lucky, etc. are also relevant.

She was unnecessarily sarcastic, provokative and competitive and before that the thread was going well. If she wants to tell off these stupid guys she can respond to them instead of addressing autistic guys who have trouble at dating as a whole. I don't rant on L&D about how women have it easier at dating but her comment still annoyed me, I am not responsible for what other guys say or do.