Straight Talk for Women on the Spectrum

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I think you might benefit from looking up Ravelry. It's an international online community (over one million now) for fibre artists (mostly knitters, but also crocheters, spinners, weavers and more). It has organizational tools for 'stash'- your collection of unassigned yarn. The people who take it up as a serious hobby tend to accumulate these. More importantly, it has forums and groups for local/theme-based knitters. I met my current knitting group through a local search and we all meet weekly. Having something to do with my hands makes it easier to chatter away- it helps that the other girls are all pretty geeky as well- or listen quietly.

The forums are quite useful as well- my favorite group has a no-trolling, no-judgement rule, and are very supportive. They're also quite frank, which is refreshing, and enforce their own rules effectively. They even have a sub-group for people on the spectrum, or who support people who are.

They also direct you to resources, videos, and local classes if you dig deep enough. I'm sure you'll find everything you need if you take it up. Should you pursue this, send me a PM and I'll friend you on Ravelry, ok?

That sounds wonderful. What a great idea, thank you!! Sometime this weekend I'll be sure to join the group and will send you a PM. Last week I saw a small group of women knitting in a coffee house. I looked at them with envy. It seemed so relaxing and fun to chat while keeping your hands busy like that. I think I'd enjoy something like that.

Carla

I second the recommendation for Ravelry, it's really wonderful for we fiber artists. I think you'll love knitting, it's very solitary and Zen.

Thanks again for maintaining this thread! Such a pleasant, homey retreat from the youth and misogyny on Love & Dating, for example.

that group of women knitting in the coffee house might be thrilled to have you join them. there's a knitting group at the coffee shop in the mall here. they are always happy for new members. couldn't hurt to ask. there are also knitting groups at our library and at the senior center.

I have really enjoyed reading your posts on this topic. Some of you welcomed me to the newcomer's discussion and I really appreciate your kindness. I'm still a little gobsmacked by my diagnosis, but like so many of you...not really surprised. I am fifty-two, a mom and a grandma. I was also a music teacher for many years. I loved working with kids, but oh, the stress! It's no wonder I finally "burned out". And my co-workers were great folks, but I have always felt so awkward in a work situation with other adults. As I've heard some of you say, acting can be exhausting!

I have always felt that I possessed some "fatal flaw" in my character. I have never been able to handle being around people very well. I find it exhausting. I used to try to find ways to escape, to get by myself during the work day. I'd eat lunch alone in my classroom. During planning time, I would often use it just to sit with the lights turned down and soothe myself with crocheting or coloring in mandalas, or surfing the 'net. No, never a good idea to surf the 'net at work, but I never got in trouble for it, thank goodness. One of my "trademark" postures was that of clasping my solar plexus with crossed hands in a sort of protective gesture. At home I would either go to bed and ball up in a fetal position or sit silently in my recliner for hours in a dark room.

I was a good teacher. At least I tried to be, within the limits of my "other-abledness". But I started "self-medicating" and that is also not a good idea. I drank myself to sleep each night, slept in a recliner (sleep apnea) and finally, after a stint in rehab, a breast cancer diagnosis, several deaths in the family, and surviving a direct hit from an EF-5 tornado, I went into full crash and burn, literally. I got drunk, crashed my car and was arrested for DWI. (This was after I resigned from teaching, fortunately, but I live in a small town, and a lot of my friends and family know.)

I suspect I am married to a fellow aspie: he is an engineer with some very pronounced behaviors. We are totally soulmates, which is to say, sometimes we don't speak for hours! I do love him so much, though.

By the way, I was something of a musical prodigy as a kid, was an accomplished pianist and singer from a very young age, an okay violinist and had perfect pitch, and recall, and composed and the whole bit. My classmates called me "Elton".

So...enough about me. I'm just so thrilled to be able to share and to read about your experiences as well. You seem to have a great attitude about life. We are survivors, aren't we? As Freddy Mercury so eloquently declaimed, "We are the champions!"

Knitting and crocheting totally rock! Love the repetitive motion. It's very soothing.

julia,

i heard that people with perfect pitch have an IQ above 150. you are a genius. have you thought about taking on a few (nothing overwhelming) piano students?

i have a DUI for taking my bedtime meds and driving. the DUI helped end my medical career.

wish i could knit and crochet. i have low manual dexterity, so crochet very slowly and don't keep the tension even.

i, like you, love music. if i had the manual dexterity, i would have been a musician. i played violin, tuba, and guitar. now i sing in the local chorale. hey, learning new things, choral music included, may stave off alzheimers.

@ cathylynn: were you taking Ambien or something similar? I am trying to wean myself off of the generic version, Zolpidem. It has sometimes had a weird effect on me, almost like I would imagine an LSD trip would be. Fuzzy images/auras, funny, surreal thoughts, sometimes the same recurring thoughts or images each night. Charlie Sheen called it "the Devil's aspirin". Ah, he would be an expert on the subject, wouldn't he? What was your experience with sleepy-time meds? It seems a shame that one DUI would destroy one's career. Or did you feel as though you just couldn't slog forward another step? That's how I felt. Stick a fork in me! I'm DONE. At least for now, anyway.

julia,

i was taking half a gazillion meds. it was the anti-psychotic that caused the impairment, although i wouldn't drive after taking ambien, either.

actually, hospital politics was the main reason for the loss of my careeer. i was not savvy enough to deal with it. the DUI was just the icing on the cake.

Well, after a crazy long day at work yesterday (very early morning start and a late evening end) exhaustion ruled the nest and prevented me from making it to the autism conference in San Francisco. I'm disappointed, but maybe I'll make it next year.

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Meanwhile I'm very excited to share with everyone the semi-launch of my new humor blog LOVESMOOSE.COM. I'm still adding some sparkle and shine, but the moose train is ready to roll, so please stop by and say hello. (Did that just rhyme?)

For those of you viewing my blog on a mobile device, I'm aware of some small glitches and should have that remedied soon.

Carla

Cathylynn, I wanted to let you know that I have wrestled with work politics for as long as I can remember. This is the MAIN reason I've jumped through so many darn jobs. I have lots to share about this and just wanted to chime in and say that this seems to be fairly common within our community of people with autism/aspergers.

Carla

hi, carla,

i figured many of us who have AS would struggle with office politics.

i read your blog. sounds like it will be fun. please post here when you get it going full speed.

I just wanted to stop and say hi.
I've been posting some other threads and learning about myself in the process... WP being the first time I have been on a forum. I'm not always the best in communicating.
I am glad to not be the only one who gets exhausted from the social interaction aspect of an office. I have lost three different jobs from being so tired by the time lunch comes that I'm pretty much useless. A large drink would relax me too, but I didn't like how I felt the next morning.
I am older - in my fifties - an accepted the fact that I simply have something wrong with me compared to normal people. My family always made it quite clear they were normal and "good" and I am/was the black sheep. I didn't contribute to making them look good.
Now though, I absolutely see that I'm somewhere on the autistic spectrum, even though I don't have insurance and can't afford to be diagnosed by a MD.
I really look up to all those who have the strength to work and to keep going despite the discomfort and loneliness of this. I wish I did, but I don't wish to be normal, if that makes sense. I wish that there was a quiet place where we - if I may say that - could live without anxiety.

dear mntn13,

there's nothing fair about being the family scapegoat. so sorry that happenned/ is happenning to you.

if i won the lottery, i don't know if i'd continue to work with people. i can do it now because it's part-time. i enjoy the sense of accomplishment and usefulness that comes from helping people. still, there's nothing i enjoy more than my alone time.

I'm wondering how those without work are getting by? How are you surviving? Everything is so expensive these days!

a recent study showed that people who practice being thankful tend to be happier. let's all try it at least for today.

i'm thankful for my loving husband and that i can afford turkey today.