Any female Aspies decided that motherhood is not for them?

Post Reply New Topic

Children ? Oh, hell no.

Most women see no problem with not wanting to play computer games, and choose to raise children.
Well, I choose to play computer games and don't want to be raising children.

yessssssssss i dont want children either! I am too selfish and like to do my own things by myself. And and and I love sleep. Nothing will make me change my mind. I hate people in society discriminating against me because i am a woman. When will people understand that Being a woman doesnt mean I want children.

Me too! I have no partner, husband, or children but I do have three dogs and a horse. I knew as a child myself that I would never have children. As I got older and nosey people asked in their pitying way why I was single and childless I would answer that I couldn't have children as that made them shut up and change the subject.

I have never understood how some women think it's okay to ask such personal questions as to why I don't have or want children. After all, I don't interrogate them as to why they don't have or want a houseful of dogs.

Boli wrote:

I have never understood how some women think it's okay to ask such personal questions as to why I don't have or want children. After all, I don't interrogate them as to why they don't have or want a houseful of dogs. [/quote]

Exactly Bolli - you never hear people - childfree or those with kids asking eachother "SO why DID you have kids then?!" .

its always "oh you're not having kids? why not. dont you like them?" "well to be perfectly blunt: no. i like my life as it is thank you very much- peaceful and quiet and hassle free ". then i continue with "and why did YOU have kids? I dont judge you for having kids so please dont judge me for my decision not to" and walk away leaves them perplexed and bit thoughtful .

THIS.

As someone who is a birthmother (given a kid up for adoption when I was 20, I think you are being very unrealistic about adoption.

1) They, (the adoptive parents) are the ones with the final say on how open or closed to keep the adoption, not you. Here in the US people can say they are doing an open adoption and not follow through on their word and not have someone always there to make sure they follow through on their words.

2) You're assuming there are endless people waiting to adopt someone with autistic genes. There were two families to choose from, one was a "hell no" (older and desperate) the other one was more fundie politically however we had other things in common. There won't be a custom assortment of parents waiting to adopt, and certainly, less likely to be Aspie anyhow.

Except that you ARE trying to force your ideas onto us. Please go have a seat.

This is not a compliment though. I don't wrap my ovaries in such narcissism, and I (nor anyone else in this thread) owes you a single damned thing. You are not entitled to an aspie woman. Not at all. And certainly had I been single, you'd be the last kind of guy I would've ever wanted to get with, because you don't value a woman's right to her own autonomy and her choices (yes choices) to procreate or NOT procreate if that's what she wanted. Also, let me reiterate-- Just because we're aspie women, doesn't mean that we are destined to all go to aspie men.

Also, we're not going extinct, I think you're being alarmist.

When you talk about how "you wouldn't have wanted anyone to have made the decision so that you wouldn't have existed", it is insensitive to the issues that we all deal with. It's insensitive to a person's right to know how they themselves are. It's insensitive to be dismissive of what effect a bad childhood has on us who have had bad relationships with our mothers-- mothers who were more than JUST unprepared to raise us, mothers who were control freaks like mine who couldn't accept having an unusual non-NT child, mothers like mine who flew off the handle and shouted at their kids "you didn't come with a manual!", and outright told their kids like my mom did to me, that I "should've been an abortion"-- a good 14 years after I was born. I told her "good!! that way you wouldn't have raised me to devalue me because I wasn't that normal kid that you wanted!" Clearly do you understand what it's like to be unwanted and resented??? Because I can tell you how that feels.

To tell someone to breed just because that is your preference in women, is 1) forcing your beliefs on other people 2) Is also insensitive to the fact that many aspie women only make motherhood work because they rely heavily on their less-afflicted more NT partner for help 3) assumes a lot about people, whom you have NO control over (thanks but we're not cattle and certainly not objects either).

I better stop before I find more angry words to vomit through my fingertips before hitting submit.

THIS. Because Kjas speaks so much sense.

IDGAF if you're saddened, you still don't get to control women's bodies. You seem so obsessively fixated on our genetics that it's creepy.

On that note, I just changed my tampon and jokingly had a mock "funeral" as I flushed the unfertilized remnants of bloody egg & lining down the loo. Be sure to mourn that (and remember that you're on the women's board above all, so if you get grossed out at that comment, blame yourself for being here).

That, and you don't really get a say in my life, you don't know me and how I function (IMO my executive function is even worse than many aspies because I also have adhd as well), you just see my picture and a text representation of me.

*adds this to the bingo response list under "my biological clock is set to dog"*

I don't know if females only are supposed to post here...but where have females like you all been all my life?
Discovering this topic is like pure gold.

People say, "You'll want kids someday..." I tell them, "Yeah right." They say, "You say that now...but." Then I give them a more serious look and just say, "No." I used to work in the travel industry and I discovered that kids were really an ankle weight when it came to doing spur-of-the-moment, adult things. Think of all the fun you can have without kids! And its a lot cheaper too!

+1 to all you gals.

Now just to find someone who thinks the same way I do...

OH MY GOD. I joined this forum FOR THIS VERY TOPIC.

All of my NT friends are having babies out the wazoo, and I look and them and think, "But why? Why?" At least I'm now to the point where I can find babies cute, in a yes-but-stay-over-there kind of way, but...why? I have no maternal instincts whatsoever, and I never have. When my friends and relatives have kids, I don't know what to say or what to do, besides say their baby is cute (when it is, let's be real, people, there ARE ugly babies in the world) or ask after it (because that's polite, I've learned, even if I don't care). I held one of my friend's babies recently, and I kept waiting for the right time to give it back because my back hurt so badly, but my friend kept saying, "THANK YOU! My back hurts so much, even though I just got a massage!" And I was like, "Okay...this is the nice thing to do to take care of your NT friend...hold the REALLY HEAVY sleeping baby until it is socially appropriate to give it back." I have no idea how women do that for...years. Years. Seriously. Years.

And the sensory issues? Noise, smells, messes, need for attention? No way. I wear ear plugs at home so I don't have to hear my roommates do normal things like walk around the apartment or watch TV.

I grew up MORMON of all things, where they say that as a woman it is your solemn duty to get married young and have as many children as you possibly can. I told my mother when I was 15 that I was never getting married and I was never, ever having children. I am now 32, and I look at all of my friends' kids, and I think that whole lifestyle is very strange.

My SIL is now pregnant, and she's sworn up and down for years that she doesn't want children. My little brother has always wanted children (he's a popular, organized, outgoing Leo NT), and a part of me is afraid that she got pregnant to keep the marriage together. (BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS WORKS OUT WELL) She acted like it was a huge surprise that she got pregnant, even though she had an IUD removed and worked with a naturopath to regain her fertility.

One of my old bosses (female), got pregnant, and she confided to me that she didn't really want to have a baby but her husband did and "it was time." Like, "that's what you do when you're married and you reach a certain age." She called it "The Monster" and said that it was really weird to have a parasite inside of you, growing and feeding on you and making you sick.

Are these really the types of women you want to become mothers? Mothers who have a child they don't really want, to make a bargain with a man for a marriage that might not last? Mothers who call their unborn babies "The Monster"? Kids know if they're not wanted. I did. God, please, at least I like children enough to recognize that they ought to have mothers who WANT them! God! At least we HAVE THE CHOICE nowadays to not have them!

I never liked babies or children, and I've always kept that private until now. I feel that if I do say that, the air will suck out of the room, time will stop, and everyone will look at the alien in the room, me, who just said a weird inhuman thing. I might like a particular child, like my nephew, who painted a toy ornament specifically FOR ME, because I had helped him with his socks and shoes once when I visited and he almost had a meltdown because he couldn't put them on. (He's since been diagnosed with Aspergers, and probably had fine motor skill issues then.)

I did babysit a little, but I never sought out that kind of work, my parents' friends asked me. I remember watching BONES, and Bones was asked on a TV interview if she liked children, and she said, "No," and didn't get why everyone thought she had committed a huuuuuuge PR faux pas. But I was all, "PREACH, BONES! SAY IT LOUD, SAY IT PROUD!" Thank god for honesty! So refreshing.

The only child that I ever thought I might like to raise was the alien insect child from DISTRICT 9. He was really smart, didn't talk beyond chirps, and looked like an insect. But I'd probably be a better auntie to him, bringing him Chinese puzzles and legos and beginner circuit boards.

Well said musicforanna. Its absurd how we still have to fight for our basic female rights to have the choice to not have children.

When I was young, I thought, that if I were to have kids, they would have to be adopted, and toddlers at the youngest. 1. Babies didn´t appeal to me. 2. The world is crowded with kids in need of parents.
I never got around to it, and, frankly, - I never missed it.

Actually it wasn´t until my mid 40és, that I got this cuddly motherly feeling by looking at the little ones, and I enjoy them now, - but I haven´t missed being a mother, not one second! (I take it out on my old tom cat )

I'm not in any mental, emotional, or physical state to be a mother. My biggest concern is of course the social demands. I don't want to be held accountable for the kind of childhood or upbringing I provide for someone else because that does greatly affect their lives as adults.

I find most parents are often apathetic about their childhood struggles so when their kid possesses the same problems, their strategy is to tell the kid to "get over it" or "you'll grow out of it". As much as I would want to resist that kind of thinking I am beginning to understanding how it can be become a habit once you do become an adult. Example I am talking about here is bullying: it has had a severe effect on my childhood and my parents had a "get over it" attitude about it. If my child was going through the same stuff or worse I don't want that kind of parental apathy rubbing off on my kid. That would be a never-ending cycle of misery for us all.

What really frustrates me is that people keep saying I feel that way now and that later on, I'll feel differently. I WON'T!! Also, how am I going to be a social worker if I don't even like or want children?