Is There Anyone Who DOESN'T Want To Have Kids?

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curlyfry
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14 May 2011, 12:58 pm

Raising a child or children can be hard and I don't feel anyone should generalize it otherwise. If it was so easy every child would be the same and all you would need is to follow the care and feeding instructions for your little bundle of joy. There would not be postpartum depression, sore nipples, lack of sleep, etc. There would not be mothers getting overwhelmed by whatever reason and abandoning or drowning their children in bathtubs. This is not even mentioning the extra effort for those raising a child with a disability.

I did not want children. I did not want my lifestyle altered by the responsibility of another. I tell my kids it is a sacrifice to become responsible for another and it doesn't stop and you cannot call-in sick or exchange them if they were not like the picture you saw in the advertisement. I could go on and on about how good my kids are but the fact is, I was lucky and nothing more. When I was first pregnant, I seriously considered abortion. I do not condemn those that have had an abortion. It is personal choice and I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer. I know those that have had abortions and their life carried on as usual.



MissWiggy
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14 May 2011, 3:53 pm

I never want to have kids. I've known that I never wanted kids from a very young age and it has always infuriated me when people assume I'll "change" when I'm older. People can be such presumptous *****

There's quite a few of us, but not enough because almost every woman I've met usually goes bonkers over dribbling smelly babies :roll:



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30 May 2011, 4:16 pm

I feel some sense of empathy with young children - I feel pity when I hear a child crying, for instance - but I don't want to have children, and I doubt that this will change at any point in the near future at least. There are certain aspects of parental, and especially maternal behaviour that feel completely alien to me - 'baby talk', disciplining a child, 'sensing' the source of a child's distress when they're not yet able to speak, and devoting so much of one's time to caring for another human being spring to mind - and I really question whether I could handle the enormous level of commitment.

I'm drawn to the idea of teaching things to children, but I suspect that I'd be a lot more suited to doing such a thing in the role of a befriender to kids with AS, maybe...



Kaizer
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12 Jun 2011, 7:38 pm

i dont want kids cant stand them just the thought of listening to it scream for hours on end and being stuck in a room with it horrify's me and not to mention the fact i'll only be refered to as the childs mother from then on (parents have names people not mary's or joe's mum!!) and anything that child does will be a reflection on me even children have to accept responcibility for they're actions not just shove it off on the parents.

I think its bad how society pushes that all women want children down our throats without even acknowledging the fact that there are plenty of exceptions
if you dont want kids dont let people and they're expectations bully you into something you'll regret for the rest of your life women who do not want children are not weird they're is nothing mentally wrong with them thats just they're choice of how they want of they're life i wish society could just accept that and move on



Halla
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15 Jun 2011, 12:58 pm

I never ever want to have kids. They are too noisy, annoying, sometimes very mean and they express their emotions too much. I don't know how to be with them. And I wouldn't be a good mother anyways, I don't want to be responsible of another human.



MONKEY
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15 Jun 2011, 2:58 pm

wefunction wrote:
windchime wrote:
mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
MizLiz wrote:
Hm. I'm pro-choice, so I'm fine with having a boyfriend, but there are better things I could do with $400.


LOL MizLiz, you rock.


I second that!


Gross.


Very. :?

I am pro choice but I wouldn't be at all enthusiastic about the idea of terminations, that's just sad.


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wefunction
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16 Jun 2011, 10:35 pm

Kaizer wrote:
just the thought of listening to it scream for hours on end and being stuck in a room with it horrify's me


Me, too. The only babies that have ever screamed hours on end, in my experience, have been babies born from drug-addicted mothers. This means the infants are born with a drug addiction and go into severe withdrawal upon birth. I used to be a volunteer who just held them for hours, trying to comfort them. It was hell on my sensitive ears and hell on my heart, but the pain I suffered was less than what that baby was going through so I did it until my schedule could no longer accommodate it. No baby should ever be in that much pain. If a child can be comforted, they should be comforted, not left to scream.

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and not to mention the fact i'll only be refered to as the childs mother from then on (parents have names people not mary's or joe's mum!!)


Absolutely, 100% true! When I write notes to the school, I write as a title [Kid's Name]'s Mom beneath my real name. But, really, the most I'm called Child'sName Mom is by other kids who know my children but cannot remember my name. I certainly can sympathize with not remembering names, especially since I don't have the same last name as 3 of my 4 kids. Parents, even my children's teachers, know my name and use it. But I remember, as a kid, referring to friend's moms are Child'sName Mom.

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anything that child does will be a reflection on me even children have to accept responcibility for they're actions not just shove it off on the parents.


This is true. It's insane that the mother, more than even the father, is to blame for children misbehaving. However, there are parents who just don't care. I say this as a parent of a big family [by today's measure] so I know how easy kids can get out of hand. They're individual people so, as a parent, you're trying to manage this group of immature individuals who just aren't completely aware of why they do things or react to things. I get lots of compliments on my kids' behavior in public. Strangers approach me often to praise them and me. This is because I care. There are parents who don't put in the energy and effort necessary to manage their crew. Maybe not all of them don't care... maybe there's something medically going on that we cannot see that sucks their energy and they just cannot manage, even though they want to, and the kids (being immature and lacking self-awareness) are responding negatively by acting out to their parent's disconnection from them. But there are some who just don't care. I think we can plant responsibility square on the shoulders of the parents who really just don't care.

Like the psychopath in Hernando County, Florida, who was apprehended for influencing her children to torture and kill kittens with her in a public park. The kids should be held accountable on some level because they need to learn from somebody the difference between right and wrong but you can't blame the kids for that when their mom is the sociopath, you know?

Quote:
I think its bad how society pushes that all women want children down our throats without even acknowledging the fact that there are plenty of exceptions
if you dont want kids dont let people and they're expectations bully you into something you'll regret for the rest of your life women who do not want children are not weird they're is nothing mentally wrong with them thats just they're choice of how they want of they're life i wish society could just accept that and move on


Truer words were never spoken!



nostromo
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17 Jun 2011, 7:34 am

The best way I could have had kids come into my life is the way they did, we didn't plan for them, I had never thought about having kids, there was no societal and or other expectations on me, which meant I was free to be blown away by the whole thing and make up my own mind. After we found out my girlfriend was pregnant I went off and attacked the garden for a week while I thought very intensely about it all and made my mind up.
Prior to that I had no interest in them, and was quite averse.
Having kids (another word for kids is small people) has been the most amazing thing ever.



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19 Jun 2011, 6:12 pm

Auri wrote:
I don't. I've grown up with the preconceived notion that I, as a woman, should want to have children and making do so my top priority in life. But lately I've realized that I don't want that at all. Don't get me wrong, I like kids--as long as I can hand them back to their parents when they get rowdy. Nothing irritates me more than a screaming child in a restaurant or such with parents who don't do anything to control their children. Yeah, I know; I was a young kid once too. However, you can't control what does and doesn't bother you, and screaming children with deadbeat parents definitely do bother me.

Aside from the obvious issues of dealing with temper tantrums, basically everything else about having and raising kids fails to appeal to me. First off, kids cost tons of money. Diapers, clothes, toys, medicine, food, school...I've come to understand that all of this and more can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Another thing that I would much rather live without is being pregnant and giving birth. I'd rather not spend nine months throwing up, being kicked, and having to constantly monitor every seemingly inconsequential action. As for birth...gah. People have told me it's like pushing a bowling ball through a straw, which does NOT sounds fun. If I ever decide to have kids, I'm adopting.

The thing is, though, that I want to get married. But that's it. I want to be able to live a long, happy, relatively peaceful life with my husband without being responsible for several little lives. I feel that I can be happy and fulfilled without children--but people don't seem to understand. When I explain my feelings, they just smile benignly and say, "You're young, you'll change your mind!" It's beyond irritating. I know I'm young, but I can think for myself and form my own opinions. I hate it when people are so condescending just because I have an opinion that differs from theirs.

Now, don't get me wrong--I'm glad people have kids. I'm glad my MOM had them! I'd just like to see if there's any other girls or women out there like me who understand how I feel and the unfair pressure society puts on women to start families. (Sorry for the long post.)


I've been getting a lot of this lately too. I'm 18 and my mom and grandma have started bugging me lately, like: when are you going to start dating and looking for a husband, and when do you plan on having kids. Half of the girls I graduated with last year are already married and having or about to have kids), so this is kind of the social norm where I live.

"You're young, you'll change your mind!"

That is what I keep hearing. That one sentence makes me sooooo mad. But I know I'm not going to change my mind. It's my body and I don't want to push "a bowling ball through a straw" either. I also don't want to have to be responsible for any other persons life. I wouldn't even begin to know how to care for a child.

I have a cousin who is 32 and who is married but refuses to have kids. Some of the other women in my family talk bad about her for it (basicially saying that she is a ho who refuses to "settle down"), and I wonder if they're going to do that to me one day.

The pressure from society is unfair. It's like, if a woman decides not to have kids, then WTF is she here for??? I hate that, and that so many people think a womans only purpose in the world is to reproduce to keep the human race going.

I think the adopting thing is great too! I agree, if I ever want to take care of a child, I'd rather adopt than have one myself.

So no, you're not alone.



mechanicalgirl39
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22 Jun 2011, 2:47 pm

Dessie wrote:
Auri wrote:
I don't. I've grown up with the preconceived notion that I, as a woman, should want to have children and making do so my top priority in life. But lately I've realized that I don't want that at all. Don't get me wrong, I like kids--as long as I can hand them back to their parents when they get rowdy. Nothing irritates me more than a screaming child in a restaurant or such with parents who don't do anything to control their children. Yeah, I know; I was a young kid once too. However, you can't control what does and doesn't bother you, and screaming children with deadbeat parents definitely do bother me.

Aside from the obvious issues of dealing with temper tantrums, basically everything else about having and raising kids fails to appeal to me. First off, kids cost tons of money. Diapers, clothes, toys, medicine, food, school...I've come to understand that all of this and more can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Another thing that I would much rather live without is being pregnant and giving birth. I'd rather not spend nine months throwing up, being kicked, and having to constantly monitor every seemingly inconsequential action. As for birth...gah. People have told me it's like pushing a bowling ball through a straw, which does NOT sounds fun. If I ever decide to have kids, I'm adopting.

The thing is, though, that I want to get married. But that's it. I want to be able to live a long, happy, relatively peaceful life with my husband without being responsible for several little lives. I feel that I can be happy and fulfilled without children--but people don't seem to understand. When I explain my feelings, they just smile benignly and say, "You're young, you'll change your mind!" It's beyond irritating. I know I'm young, but I can think for myself and form my own opinions. I hate it when people are so condescending just because I have an opinion that differs from theirs.

Now, don't get me wrong--I'm glad people have kids. I'm glad my MOM had them! I'd just like to see if there's any other girls or women out there like me who understand how I feel and the unfair pressure society puts on women to start families. (Sorry for the long post.)


I've been getting a lot of this lately too. I'm 18 and my mom and grandma have started bugging me lately, like: when are you going to start dating and looking for a husband, and when do you plan on having kids. Half of the girls I graduated with last year are already married and having or about to have kids), so this is kind of the social norm where I live.

"You're young, you'll change your mind!"

That is what I keep hearing. That one sentence makes me sooooo mad. But I know I'm not going to change my mind. It's my body and I don't want to push "a bowling ball through a straw" either. I also don't want to have to be responsible for any other persons life. I wouldn't even begin to know how to care for a child.

I have a cousin who is 32 and who is married but refuses to have kids. Some of the other women in my family talk bad about her for it (basicially saying that she is a ho who refuses to "settle down"), and I wonder if they're going to do that to me one day.

The pressure from society is unfair. It's like, if a woman decides not to have kids, then WTF is she here for??? I hate that, and that so many people think a womans only purpose in the world is to reproduce to keep the human race going.

I think the adopting thing is great too! I agree, if I ever want to take care of a child, I'd rather adopt than have one myself.

So no, you're not alone.


I am totally with you. I HATE the attitude that all women want children and if they say otherwise it can only be because they're too young, don't know themselves, etc.

Having children is a choice you should only make because you 100% want to. Not because others expect you to.


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22 Jun 2011, 2:48 pm

Me. :)



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22 Jun 2011, 4:48 pm

I have seen hate talk online about "stupid" people having kids but yet the ones who decide to not have kids are told they are selfish but yet if they have kids, they are told they should have never been parents just because they don't do a good job of raising them or don't meet everyone's standards of how to raise them.



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21 Jul 2011, 2:12 am

I never wanted kids. Not that I didn't like them, I just had no interest. I was told for over 10yrs by my OBGYN that I COULD NOT have kids...My son turned 10yrs old yesterday! :lol:

Don't feel bad for not wanting kids. I love my son with all my heart, he's a huge blessing and I wouldn't change him for anything...but I know if he had not come along, I would have also been fine. (oops, that's probably socially INCORRECT to say :cry:



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21 Jul 2011, 3:13 am

Realistically speaking, most women have until their mid-40s to bear children, so there is plenty of time to change your mind if you currently feel you don't want children.

What I'm trying to say is: don't let anything pressure you into having children if you feel you don't want them now. You might change your mind as you get older--we all change in many ways, and in ten or fifteen or twenty years you might find you do want kids. Or you might feel increasingly confirmed in your sense that having kids isn't the right path for you. Either way, there's plenty of time, and either way, you truly are the only person who knows what's right for you. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.


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peaceloveerin
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08 Aug 2011, 1:23 am

ME!! ! I'm way too selfish and immature to raise a child and cannot take on the huge responsibility of parenting. There are also a lot of sensory issues involved in raising young children and I'm also incapable of putting someone else's needs before my own. Yep, no kids for me and I don't plan on changing my mind anytime in the future.



Chibs
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09 Aug 2011, 6:36 pm

Oh YES. I won't ever get a kid for several reasons: I don't really like small kids. When they're about 5-6 years, they're tolerable as long as they shut up, but small kids, and especially babies... they're just annoying, screaming all the time... and they're not even that "cute"(in my opinion, kids take a few years to get their cuteness). When I'm over at my uncle and aunt's house and asked to hold the baby, I just feel awkward and secretly just wish for them to take her away from me again. Plus, I know that I'm too irresponsible and immature to be a good mom, and I want to live a free life.