What were you like as a child?

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I was a difficult child to raise because of my constant meltdowns. I cried a lot as a baby, and I had lots of meltdowns as I got older. I was odd, did not have many friends, and spent most of my time alone or with my parents. I was good at school, but I hated because everyone there hated me.

I was a very quiet baby. I never really cried, only fussed. I was very good at listening (I'd sit up in my crib and sing to myself and when my parents would tell me to go to sleep, I'd lay back down and go to sleep). I was never interested in food or eating and my food jags started as a baby; I would only eat strawberry banana yogurt. I never grew out of the food jags, never realized that was AS until recently.

As a child, I was very upset by sensory things. Extremely picky eater. Very upset by my clothes. I had to go on special shopping trips with my mom to get clothes I would wear, nothing too short or too long or too tight or something that made me feel like I was choking, certain socks, etc. I also remember being in preschool and being made fun of for being weird

I've never really had friends and have always been a social outcast, ever since first being branded "weird" in preschool. My mom always says I'm good at making friends but I always bring home the "stray dog" types. I'm good at finding and briefly befriending other "misfits" and "weirdos". I used to play alone a lot and my best friend growing up was my imaginary friend, Sally.

I don't remember playing, really. I remember my childhood in terms of events that happened but without any emotions tied to them. This is what first clued my therapist into AS but I don't know for sure that it's an AS "thing". Even my journals were written very robotically with no emotions attached to any events. It's almost strange for me to read now. As I got older, I spent all my spare time reading. I started teaching myself different languages as early as fourth grade. I made up my own county and culture and language in sixth grade and my journal from then has three different languages I made up in it with no translation anywhere. I was always very intelligent and known by my class area as "the walking dictionary" because of my ability to spell. Very smart but very lonely and never very happy. I remember very clearly being in fifth grade or so when I started mimicking people more. I've always been good at mimicking accents and such, but when I really started to realize how different I was, I started a desperate attempt to be like people I considered normal or even popular. I don't think I fully realized it at the time, but in reading about girls with AS and how common this is, it all makes sense. I started being other people and stopped being myself which only led to me feeling more and more empty and less human-like.

I've always considered myself to have been a strange child. Now things make more sense and it's more interesting than strange; certainly interesting to reflect on now.

I was an early talker and early reader. I had (and have) no althletic ability. I was lucky to be in a "gifted" program for school, so I always had friends I could relate to at school (though never at church). I always had male and female school friends.

In first grade we were studying ocean life and each kid was reporting on one animal. Most of the class played "ocean tag" at recess, where predators chased their natural prey. I'd elected to study sea anemone, which was great because I got to stand in place and sting anyone who came too close, except for the clownfish who happened to be my best friend!

In second grade we took a standardized test where the teacher read questions and we bubbled in answers. My mom was volunteering in the class that day and noticed that I was always 3-5 questions behind because I was so obsessed with getting the bubbles perfect. She prepared herself for a low score, but I still tested in the 98th percentile.

In third grade my two best friends moved away at the end of the year. I responded to this by getting really mad at them before they left. I always took everything so personally.

In fourth grade I told my mom I wasn't "popular." She seemed unduly disturbed by this, but it was just a fact. I didn't need to be popular to be happy, and anyway, the popular kids spent all their time talking about their clothes and hair (girls) or sports (boys).